Insight Into Me: Emotional vs. Professional

I got on this new med a few weeks ago and instantly it worked.  It's been a few weeks now and I feel silly for waiting this long to go to a doctor and say I'm on this med and it's not working.  I thought it was just my life situations, yet I could not see a way out of being me.  I didn't have these problems to this extent in Washington.  I know I can't blame Idaho for it. I feel and handle the marriage and debt thing differently after almost 2 years, so I just didn't know what to do.  While it has not fixed my need to speed while driving, it has fixed my instinct to get mean and angry. 

For instance I could not for the life of me stop being angry at the kids at Gooding HS. I could not stop myself from saying insulting things to those kids. I was just as stupid as they were, just in a different way.  I sabotaged myself, it would seem.

I've been fired 3 times from 3 different PSR companies in 10 months. PSR stands for psychosocial rehabilitation.  It is a job that has no handbook, no how-to manual or even a PSR for dumbies book.  It's assumed that because you have a 4 year degree in something related to psychology that you know how to deal with people with mental illnesses.  Illnesses that are for the most part not medicated.

I did the job for 1.5 years.  A week before I lost the last position I thought to myself "I'm finally getting this. I finally know how to do this job!".  Ironic or just bad timing?  I had done lots of research and found resources, but the learning curve was pretty big and in reality it goes back to me, for I've learned also that it's about boundaries. I've had terrible boundaries in my personal as well as professional life.  Depressing to think about that at age 40 I'm finally getting it. Once again I am a late bloomer.

I've made some of the same mistakes with subbing too- the boundary ones.  For subbing it's like a continuum.  Enemy on one end, personal control in the middle and friend on the opposite end.  I've been everywhere on the line, but now I really SEE HOW to BE so as not to be on the negative ends professionally.

Enemy_______ Personal Control________Friend

I've finally been able to turn to prayer too.  Real, on my knees by my bed, what I need prayer.  It's been since 2009 since I've had daily prayer like that.  Maybe that too is due to the meds?   What ever it is I'm thankful.  Thankful and when I think too long about it, I worry about not doing it on my own. But for now I'm releaved.   It seems I've been a new person and it's a better me, not worse.

Sometimes it's felt like I've been a wave in the ocean, up and down, crashing or building, but no happiness of just floating and enjoying the water and sun.  Happiness is heavily tied to life satisfaction.  I hope to find some satisfaction soon. 

Gooding Idaho

Gooding is the town I work in.  The school mascot is "Senator" and here is why:  The town of Gooding was established in 1907 on 160 acres owned by Frank R. Gooding, a former Governor and Senator in Idaho.  Its population was 3,384 at the 2000 census.

The Mascot

There is the public school which includes a HS with a entire size of a little over 300 (just a tad over my graduating class of 274).  Across the street is the middles school and elementary.  While there is separate entrances to the schools, it is housed in the same building and they share an office. 

The front of the HS

Gooding is also where one of the offices of the agency I work for is located, so that makes it convenient for going to staff meetings every 2 weeks.

Gooding also had a charter school there that wears uniforms.

The Blind and Deaf School

Gooding is also home to the States Blind and Deaf School.

Gooding also offers, a police department, an airport, a golf course, a substance abuse treatment center, a bowling alley and fair grounds where a pro-rodeo is held.

For being a farming town this school has some amazing technology.  Bathroom hand dryers like this:

  The kids also use their finger prints to pay for or record their lunch purchase. It's electric and beeps when it's captured the print.

If Becky Had Her Own Classroom

I'm doing HS again and boy have I learned a lot. I would be a different teacher than I was seven years ago.

Today I came up with my classroom rules.

1.  You must NEVER just do NOTHING.  Read, do other school work, study for tests, practice more math, practice writing, etc.
2. ALL supplies must be out so that you at least LOOK as if you are on task.
3. LISTEN so you can follow instructions.
4. If you can't control your mouth in class, you WILL control it in the hall or the principles office.
5.  Accept NO answers and consequences.
6. Ignore distractions and FOCUS. (If it doesn't involve you, it doesn't involve you!)

I spend 2 class period in the resource or special ed room.  I was frustrated when teaching at 5th graders reading at a 2nd or 3rd grade level, but boy am I EXTREMELY frustrated with high schoolers doing 5th grade math and reading.  These kids are DUMB!  I mean stupid.  For most of them, it's not their fault.  They were born like that.

There is one red headed, pink faced, overweight kid who is one of the dumbest in the room.  The problem is he is the loudest, so he makes himself look like a fool.  There are also many many kids who just don't care.  Who don't listen, who don't try, who don't even bring paper or a pencil to class, who fall asleep.  I'm not speaking of one kid, but a composite of a few.

There is another kid who hides behind his hair and quietness.  His mom is convinced he is autistic, I believe that is because she does not want guilt or blame on her. But if you ask me it's learned behavior and he needs to go to a military school. He is not autistic. He gets himself in fights, starts conversations, does no repetitive movements and gives me dirty looks!  He has mastered getting away with the least amount of work possible.

I can't help but step in to help with the kids.  There are only 10 kids in the room and there is at least 2 PSR's  (one of them me), an aid and a teacher.  The teacher will teach and then sit in the back behind her computer, while kids are struggling and doing nothing.  Lately she has the aids doing ALL the teaching.  She's let these kids with low IQ's, are behind and have holes in their educations listen to music.  You know- ear buds in their ears- while the teacher is talking and while they are suppose to be working.  It's a another way to avoid learning in my book. 

Bottom line: 

A teacher teaches and WALKS AROUND, HELPS THE STUDENTS AND KEEPS THEM ON THEIR TOES. 

Life in a Nutshell

1.  I just got home from my first 3 hours at KMart working for Olan Mills trying to sell photography shoots.  I make 9 dollars an hour and every Tue and Wed OM is closed.  If I don't sell anything with in an hour and a half I get sent home, then only get to work that many hours next WEEK.  Crazy huh?  I was struggling with my feet killing me and not really enjoying it but also needing money so badly.

2. I'm on unemployment which is only 161.00 a week.  Not enough to pay the bills, but I am again getting food stamps.  I'm some what concerned with work in the fall.  If G. my little charge from last year moves to Buhl or Twin they have to go with a different company.  There are jobs in Gooding, but it is like an hour a way.  NOT fun!

3. Mr. 64 or scary Gary as I've been calling him (that date I had) did call me back on the next friday to see if I found a ward to go to, but luckily I was at the Department of labor, so really couldn't carry on a conversation.  I told my family about it and the advice was to take charge of the date, set some boundaries of what you will and will not talk about as all that was inappropriate.

The guy from Tennessee has been trying to message me via FB everyday.  He's very flirtatious and I find it annoying.  I un-friended him yesterday.

I got back in touch with the military guy who was all lovey-dovey.  I told him I was not interested in anyone who was not LDS.  He said he was a Mormon and I knew he was just saying that and that now I could not trust him.  He came back with a angry reply so that is over before it began. 

4. I spent last week in Meridian ID where 6 of the 7 kids gathered.  It was lots of fun!  We ate dinner every night at a family members home who lives there, talked and laughed till it got dark every night, then planned the next day.  There was no pressure, so assignments,  just relaxing fun.  We floated the Boise River.  I stayed with mom and so did my oldest sister, her daughter-in-law and her 3 kids.

Sarah brought her new dog Pepper,  I had my 2 dogs and of course there was Sadie the 13 year old Golden Retriever.  It was fun with them all.

We met Melissa's new soon to be husband Griffin.  Marriage on August 11 in the Las Vegas Temple.  The first kiss was there, the proposal was there and then the marriage.  Coolest story ever.  We also met Jessica's boy friend Chad.  

There will be pictures forthcoming.

5. I'm back to living alone.  Yentl moved out and I really need a roommate. I've advertised on Craigs list and I only get scammers which now I don't  respond to.

6. I met with my stake president about a lack of a SA program and he said that he doesn't know what to do with the 30 to 50 group.  I gave him some ideas, some info, etc.  He said I was inspired to come to see him.  I've been thinking about doing that for 3 weeks.   Who know what will happen.

The First Year In Numbers

On May 14, 2011 I left Washington where I had lived a little over 20 years of my 38 years of life and drove into Idaho. 

1 float trip down the Boise River.
1 dog park in Nampa gone to lots and lots of times.
1 temporary dog park in Twin
1 car accident costing me almost 900 dollars
1 camping trip
1 trip to the Boise Zoo with family 
1 family wedding- Eric (my nephew) and Shelley in October in the Salt Lake temple.
1 pedicure 
1 16 year old Sunday School class I teach with 4 boys and 2 girls.
1 single adult Bunco game party.
1 single adult FHE group.
1  free "pattern changing" class through the Nampa Family Justice Center for women getting out of abusive relationships. Loved that class!
1 divorce support group with the Nazarene Church- not all that great.
1 trip to Rexburg Idaho- WOW has it changed!
1 LDS doctor who is also on the High Counsel in his stake with my therapist. 
1 free fake Christmas tree via a SA dinner.
1 crown and a red sash for being queen of the new year at a SA dance. (people wore jeans!)
1 roommate named Yentl in Twin.  She works nights, I work days. She's LDS and likes the dogs.  It works.
1 crown  and sash at the New Years Eve dance- my first ever.

2 towns lived in: Nampa and Twin Falls, one in a basement and the second in a duplex.
2 bishops, the first- has some things to learn, the second- awesome.
2 companies worked for- Assisting Hands (3 families) and Pro-Active Advantage (3 schools, 4 kids).
2 counselors- one a woman, not LDS, one named Jason who is awesome and LDS.
2 female friends in their 50's.  Beverly, divorced with 2 dogs in Nampa, Robyn, widowed with 1 dog  in Twin who also is in my ward and works for the same company I do. 
2 visitors from friends in Washington- Janea and her family, Donna and her extended family- both while I'm in Nampa.
2 great nieces and nephews hugged and kissed all summer long- Elli and Liam.
2 dinner invites by members of the ward- one in each. 
2 deaf neighbors in Twin.
2 high school graduations- Willy and Amber, now both at BYU-Idaho.
2 different sleep aids so I can get to sleep and don't fall asleep at work!  Both not addictive or for pain.
2 awesome friends who offered for me to come live with them and heal.  Both are married with families.  Cherelyn Linde and Angie Conlin.  Meant the world to me. 
2 visits/calls from the Sharif about my dogs from a lovely neighbor :(

3 mom sleep overs at my house to go to the temple and help me with my house and things.
3 temples- Boise (been before I moved here) Twin Falls- first time. I live 3 miles from, Rexburg, first time. 
3 testimonies born in church.
3 dog sleep overs with Sadie the Golden Retriever who came to my house at my request.
4 or 5 trips to a man made lake in Nampa area for the dogs to swim in.
4 really weird single adult dances- cow boy poetry, belly dancing and jeans at New Yeats Eve. 
5 hair cuts- 3 really bad ones :(
6 months of food stamps, 6 months and counting of food orders from the church.
A few more friends made. 
Too many to count trips to thrift and craft stores.
A hundred thousand tears cried. 

Five For Friday

ONE 

I got a roommate to help with the bills.  Her name is Yentl (yentle).  She's 26, a RM from CA, who served in the Philippines and has been home for a few years.  She's working and going to school here at the College of Southern Idaho, CSI for short.  She likes dogs and Coco loves her and when I'm gone Parker will jump on her bed to be with her.  She is gone a lot and I'm gone a lot, but we talk daily and things are good, especially financially.

 TWO

I've been making these lately. I went and bought a pack of100 sheets of origami paper at Freddy's and have made about 20, giving them as gifts.  I don't think I'll get into other origami unless it's useful.  These are bookmarks. You open up the end of the heart and place the triangle on the corner of the page.  I learned how with this video.  I had to watch it 5 or 6 times to get the whole process down, but now I don't need it.

THREE

Remember this post about my ink mishap.  Twice printer ink was spilled all over my hand and once on my pink pajamas.  I got another ink cartridge and let it sit, in the packaging for 3 days before I had the guts to open it up.  But even in the plastic covering it had spilled out.  I was done with that shop, but not before I went and got my money back.  I explained what the problem was- that they had the wrong guard on it.  There's had a full length guard on it on the WRONG side that needed it. They insisted that was not the problem. I didn't argue.  Then I went to Wallmart and got the exact brand of ink as the printer for two dollars less and didn't cause any spills.  The difference was this little piece put on the right place. 

It reminds me of this scripture and printable that I found on line. 

FOUR 

Remember this post about books for 2012?  Well, It's not happening.  Here I am in march and neither of the books have been cracked, although I continue to work on Elder Bednar's book.

I thought I wrote one about my anti new years resolutions, but I can't find it.  I had a word:  HOPE,  I had miracles I was going to pray for: 1. temple marriage, 2. babies,  3. Family members to come back to the gospel and 4. financial relief.

The truth of the matter is I'm a slacker. The prayers lasted for a while and sometimes they still pop up. I for sure worry about # 1,2 and 4, but sometimes I still wonder what I should pray for.  Here's some thoughts: What should I do with my life?  What should I become (I need a new career)?  Should I even worry about marriage or babies? What does HEAVENLY FATHER want me to do with my life?   I still struggle with reading the scriptures at night and praying. I should remember all the scripture quotes I 'pin', but I don't because I'm not in them as much.  When I am in the scriptures my outlook is better.

Last night I read a few blog posts from C Jane Enjoy It about divorce, infertility, and depression. I posted some quotes of what I liked on my quote blog.   Before I turned out the lights I got my March 2012 Ensign and reviewed this article about moving on and moving forward that I love and have marked and then I read the VT message.    I started to feel again that "you are less than" feeling, that my testimony isn't as strong as it used to be, that I'm not as valuable a sister as others or as I used to be.  When I  turned off the light I cried.  I don't do that as much anymore, but sometimes I feel like that.

I think I felt it this past week more as the possibility of loosing my job came on Monday night.  I got overly involved with a clients life and her now ex-boy friend and the mom didn't appreciate me going to get his cat back, so she fired me.  Which means I had to call the boss and tell him.  This would be the 3 strikes your out possibility.  The first two were over falling asleep and being late and falling asleep and a few other minor problems.  My boss is LDS, he has been a bishop and I hate that I wowed them in the interview, but now it's been disappointment after disappointment.  What will I do?  Where can I get a job that makes as much money as I do now?  I got my taxes back.  I so don't want to use it to survive, but to pay off bills!   I still don't know if it's for real yet. I've let a few people know it's a possibility and I may not be coming back on Monday, but I may get off by the skin of my teeth.  But I just hate knowing that people do not think I'm worth it or they are humoring me until that last shoe finally falls. 

FIVE

I went to a SA conference in Boise last weekend.  My first sense my singleness.  I cried on the way there, but was happy on the way home.  I got a few free meals,  met some nice people and went to 3 really good workshops and a really fun dance.  I danced like I used to.  Like I know what I'm doing, like I have confidence, like I'm attractive.  I wasn't worried about my body.  I had women compliment me on my blouse and a man ask me for my phone number.  While nothing will happen- he's to old, from Peru and has grand children, it was nice to dance and I  felt comfortable taking to him.  I was open and honest about my marriage with others and they were about theirs.  I'm one of that group now, one of the divorcees- which is yucky, but it's the truth.  But I understand more about marriage and what it takes to make it work and I can understand why others have left and I understand what people are talking about now in so many areas.

This is the cool LDS church the conference was in. 

And so my life goes on.

Small Town Idaho

And I mean REALLY REALLY SMALL. The population of Dietrich, pronounced deet-rick is 200 (in 2006 it was 166) and nearly doubles when school is in. Dietrich is where I work. It's a 42 mile drive for me one way. I work in the school there which has one building for pre-school to 12th grade. Last years graduating class was a total of 9 students! Things are different there to say the least. For about a month I was working in the HS and could often hear kids say "Dad, can I go to the bathroom?" I also heard 'Grandpa'. All the middle and HS teachers (the same) are LDS and male- all 7 of them. Now I'm in the Elementary school (5th grade) and out of 20 kids, only 6 are not LDS. The school has 2 buses. One that lives overnight at the drivers house and sits in front of the school all day because the driver is also a para-educator. On activity days the bus drops the LDS kids off at the church building because it's right on the way. Here's some other facts about Dietrich:

• Some kids wear cowboy boots, shirts, and buckles
• Girls come with curlers in their hair the night before a performance
• The week before thanksgiving the WHOLE town is invited for a Thanksgiving lunch at the school. Old people and young families will show up for food.
• Almost everyone is related. In the 5th grade class, you've got cousins, and 1st cousins once removed.
• If kids forget their text book, paper, etc, they can go leave campus and go get it - AT HOME, especially if they live across the street. (Some of the teachers do- live across the street that is)
• Some high school kids belong to FFA or Future Farmers of America.
• Around town you can see lots of dogs wondering around with no collars or tags. It's OK if they come to school, because they belong to someone there, and all the kids know it's name.
• I had a 16 year old ask me if I'd ever been to a movie theater before.
• There is one small store called 'the Merc', in the same building as the local bar is.
• If kids want to go on field trips they need to raise money for it through fund raisers like bake sales.
• Often speeches in class are about cows, or shooting a stray dog, or going hunting.
• The mascot is a "blue devil", some little blue guy they tried not to make so evil.
• There is a special ed program, but no gifted and talented program and both is needed.
• There is one principal for the whole school who also happens to be the superintendent. (He's LDS too)
• You can see a few whole pig roasters around town like this one that the HS students made.

All in all it's a nice place to work. The people are very friendly and don't mind you mixing PSR worker with the school staff. There is not a cast system like there is in bigger Hansen Idaho, a population in 2007 of 959 where my first job was. The nearest largest town to all of them is Twin Falls Idaho, population of 44,125 estimated in 1010, where I live.
The population of Bellevue WA is 122,363.

Up Date on Twin

I left Twin Wed night and am back in Nampa. There is no school there today, and C didn't come to school on Tuesday. I spent Tues looking for places to live and came home bummed as nothing seemed to be working out. Places were to small, but affordable, to big and not so affordable with my get out of debt goal, or not thrilled with dogs.

But I found some more options on Wed and places to look when I get back on Sunday. This time I'm sure I'll be staying till Thursday. The company Pro-Active Advantage will be paying for this last week of my stay at the motel 6. That's a relief as I still had to pay Oct rent here! But I need to find someone else - a member of the church to stay with for free. Up date a few hours latter- I found someone! Yahoo!

Then SLC for a wedding!Then back to work with little miss run away who has NO educational IEP goals, just 2 social skill goals. We are only working on one; increasing compliance and decreasing non-compliance. When that happens we will introduce her to other kids her age and hope she will play!

Conversations with Lisa

Do you remember that song that came out when I was in HS?

"I talk to myself, cause there is no one to talk to. People ask me why, why I do what I do?"

Those are the only words I know and still 20 years latter I will sing them. My friends would laugh at me as they saw me walk down the halls of Newport mumbling to myself. I talked things out in my mind. Some people think that's crazy. Others say it's only crazy when you talk back to yourself.

I know someone who really talks with herself as if there are two of her. Her name is Lisa and she has Down Syndrome and is 22. I "work" at her house 2 to 3 days a week in the mornings for 6 hours until I take her to work at Trader Joes where she 'faces' the products.

The routine goes something like this:

-Breakfast for both of us. I read the newspaper.
-Lisa goes up stairs to her room and plays the same music every day and sings to it. She only plays the beach boys, the Beatles or Disney. She dances while she sings and sounds terrible. I go down stairs and sleep.
-Then around 10 or 10:30 Lisa and I watch a movie, do errands, or on Thursday go bowling.
Lisa bowls with her friend who has DS with the sides up, so the ball will not go in the gutter. Even though Lisa specifically has no skills he gets a strike and spares at least once during the 2 or 3 games they play. The 2 girls don't really talk to each other, in fact I have to remind Lisa to say goodbye to her friend.
-Lisa is a schedule and rule keeper. She has to be home by 11:30, so she can get her purse together. her purse has a total of 3 things in it- keys, a cell phone and her wallet. Lisa will say something to me about my seat belt or the like. She is always looking at her watch and it's quite annoying.
- Lisa makes her own lunch unless it involves the stove. She eats, goes up stairs and gets ready with her t-shirt on and waits to leave while I drive her to school.

Pretty easy job huh. Yes, Getting paid to sleep, read, do my errands, etc. But it's often boring too. If Lisa is not talking to someone else or singing she is having conversations with herself. It's not just once in a while. IT'S CONSTANT! She cannot be quiet. Noise, talking all the time. Here is an example:

Lisa: We have to go to Becky's.
Lisa: ya, but we'll be back on time.
Lisa: She just has to get her cell phone.
Lisa: OK,

or here's another one.

Lisa: I'm hungry
Lisa: ya me too, I'm hungry.
Lisa: tuna for lunch.
Lisa: O, good, I love tuna.

Or this one:

Lisa: My stomach hurt.
Lisa: ya, but you'll be OK.
Lisa: ya, it will get better, you can still go to work.
Lisa: ya, I'll be fine.
Lisa: OK.

The other thing about Lisa is her lack of own ideas. If we are at the library and I take out a book, she takes out a book, if I bend down to see better, she bends down to see better. Her friend will know how to dance or get excited at bowling for knocking all the pins down, but Lisa does not. She just walks back.

I don't have any pictures of Lisa, but she has bobbed brown hair to her shoulders and is thin and like typical DS is short. Her parents are pretty rigid, (her food intake in monitored) with most everything, so Lisa is like that too. unlike the happy smiley people you think of when you think of that extra chromosome person, Lisa is robotic instead. Lisa's friend takes the bus to get to the bowling alley and walks a short distance to it. Lisa could be capable of taking the bus or Access and ridding herself of the need for me, but nothing has been done about that. Of course it's hard to leave a DS person alone with herself for that long.

Prayers Answered

I was so excitted this last week about my dog walking business and still am. I already have one customer! But then on Sunday night both the jobs that were going to support me fell through. Not happy. I signed on with another caregiving agency, but those are so sporatic and mostly low paying and difficult to fit into my schedule! LDS employment had called me a few days ago and they were on my list of people to call. Well, I ran into Annette Bowen as she was coming out of the Temple and I was going in. We chatteed and the thought came to her to call LDS employment!

I called LDS employment just now, told them I needed a part time job in the afternoons and they said they JUST got off the phone with Amy McComber (a member who grew up in my stake and is just a few years older than me) who needs a caregiver for their autistic son from 2:30 to 8 or 9! hello! This is right up my ally- I do caregiving for people with disabilities and have done ABA and play therapy with 3 different Autistic boys! There is a God! She needs someone to start ASAP! Pay is about 1500- that will pay the bills, plus. And they are flexible on monday and tuesday nights! WAHOOOOO! OH happy day! I also got other ideas in the temple that I hadn't thought of because I was so stuck in this rut.

Babies; their not what they are cracked up to be.

Once again my job will be changing. Friday the 11 is my last day with Aditya, the cute little energizer bunny boy with acid-reflux and a swallowing disorder. I will miss him. We are attached. I love that little kid! He's such a happy guy. I feel sorry for him, to loose someone he's attached to and have to get used to some one else, who's not as cool as me. He's also somewhat attached to Niha, they do play together, if she's not crying and he's not trying to sit on her.

I'll still have the pain in the butt baby, Niha. She's an emotional wreck. She has extreme separation anxiety. When I walk around the corner, even though she can hear me speaking, she cries. A few weeks ago she was in this 'I'm only happy if your holding me phase'. She would scream all day long. Any time she cries, it's big tears and boom, if you pick her up she stops in a second. I was able to wean her off that by only picking her up when she stopped. Day by day it she's figured it out and had fun playing instead of crying. Now, she's in this worried mode. If I get up, she makes squeaks. She usually falls asleep on my and is so hyper sensitive to movement, that if I make a move she will grasp on to me tighter afraid I'll put her down. She does this when she's asleep, so needless to say, she sleeps on me for 1/2 hour only. Today I was walking around from the living room to the kitchen, which is an open space, cleaning up and she was fussing, even though she could see my every move. Once I sat down on the floor, she was fine- that's our improvement from being held all the time. She cries if I pay too much attention to Aditya, She cries if I'm talking to long to Aditya's mom. She's frustrating. She also fights eating- she will constantly dodge the spoon filled with baby food. I practically have to put her in a head lock to get her to eat. Today I used a syringe and that worked much easier. Everything is a fight.

My job satisfaction is low. I can't get out of the house. There's no taking the kids to the park, playing in the sprinkler when it's sunny, going to the zoo. It's just naps, feedings, and diapers. So much for a fun summer.

Just a few items I've learned. Mothering is for the young. Breast milk breaks down baby food, rice cereal, so that if the combination is lumpy in 30 min it will be like milk. I can pee and hold a baby at the same time. I can hold a bottle and change a diaper almost 100% with one hand. I can feed 2 babies, one in each arm, or one in an arm, one standing up. I can let a baby cry for an hour. Oh- the things I can do... the list could go on and on and on.

I will be looking for another job through an agency that pays me what I'm worth. Sometimes I just want to forget this whole family thing. A husband sure, but kids- ahhhh! and that's coming from the girl who's been doing pretty much that since she was a teenager. Thank goodness for a social life!