A few weeks ago I had that upset week due to what was said to me by the bishop in front of the whole ward council. I spent sacrament meeting REALLY upset. In my tears, all of a sudden I thought of dad. I missed my dad. I wish my dad was here. I KNOW he would of felt my pain, he would of understood and not wanted me to suffer in that way. I know this because of how he acted in the past to things like this that caused me such grief and heart ache. He would of cried with me. I know he was there, listening to me, hearing me, totally aware of what I was going through. I know I thought of him only, because he was there, watching or actually with me.
I felt nothing from him when I got married. Nothing. I know it's because it wasn't right. And that is sad.
I went to the temple Thursday and the high priest group leader was there. He was one of the people who also was in the bishopric's office when "it" happened. He asked me to go to the prayer circle. His wife is not a member. When I was there, standing next to this thin older brother I thought of dad. *tears* I miss my dad.
|Dad and Mom, just a month before he died in July of 2006.|
This didn't happen recently, but while I lived in Nampa, praying on my bedside crying so hard, I saw in my minds eye, someone tapping dad on the shoulder while he was talking to a group of people, men I think. The person tapped him and then pointed down at me. He turned around and witnessed my pain. I'd like to think the person who tapped him was the Savior, but it's my understanding that he does not reside there. Either way, it does not matter. My dad was there and someone, perhaps another family member let my dad know what was going on with me. He seems to be there in times of pain.
I really believe that dad is doing missionary work there. He was almost always called to be a stake missionary. He was often trying to be a missionary while on this earth- in his younger years at least.
It was sad to be in Europe 6 days after we buried him. I went to WWII places. I finally KNEW what kind of questions to ask and he wasn't there.
A thought just occurred to me. I think he is very aware of his family when we are in pain. When we are happy and things are going good for us spiritually and emotionally (those 2 are tied together) he's busy doing his job. I know that he's busy but aware because a blessing told me so. I think if I had a spouse that I was sealed to that was on the other side of the veil he would be the one looking in. I'm sure dad is worried about the married kids when there are hard times, but if they have a spouse who takes good care of them emotionally, is at least trying anyway, then his fatherly responsibility... is well.... It's been taken over by the husband responsibility, because you know... A man should leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife.
So the big message is:
Of this I know!