Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm a self-knowing, reinventing, believer

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a
Self-Knowing Reinventing Believer

Monday, March 30, 2009

Writing Your Own Psalm

The dictionary says psalm means this:
1. a sacred song or hymn. (Becky's favorite)
2. any of the songs, hymns, or prayers contained in the Book of Psalms.
3. a metric version or paraphrase of any of these.
4. a poem of a similar nature.

We all know about King David's psalm in the Bible and those who read The Book of Mormon know about Nephi's psalm in 2 Nephi ch 4: 16-35. But what about writing your own psalm?
Last Wednesday at our single adult institute or religion class we had the opportunity to do that. What a superb idea! Sister Bateman gave us the outline:
v.16-19 Negative feelings about self
v. 20-23 Know that the Lord will help
v.27 Why do I sin?
v. 28-30 Encourage self
v.31-33 Pray for help
v.34-35 Trust in the Lord- I can do it!

She gave us some time to get down some ideas, sentences, etc and let us share. One person who shared their psalm was almost poetic. I got specific in my list of negative feelings and sins, which I didn't share. I haven't yet put it down in poem format. I wish I could. My patriarchal blessing talks about poetry. I wrote a poem on my mission that is very good(not sure where that is, need to find it), and when I was teaching poetry in H.S. words would come to me, but I was driving in the car. I didn't get it down on paper.

I wanted to share this beautiful idea with you. Maybe you'll write one, maybe you won't, maybe you'll just see Nephi's psalm differently and that is good in and of itself. If you do write one and you feel like you can share, please do.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

a NEW/OLD post

Writen over a month ago. Read it now. It's about abortion.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Sunday Afternoon @ the Perkins

The weekend of March 7 and 8th I went down to Vancouver WA to see my sister Sarah and her family. They have 5 kids: Emily is 12, Ryan is 9, Spencer is 6, Caleb is 4 and Grace is 2. They also have 2 Basset Hounds named Maggie and Cloe. Sat I bathed both of the dogs and we took them to the dog park for the first time. It's just down the street! We forgot it was day light savings time and woke thinking it was 7:30, but it was really 8:30! Church was at 9am and so we had a lot of time in the afternoon.
This is Spencer with fort #2 after mom found out they were making a fort in her room!
This is Ryan and Caleb taking advantage of the bedroom fort while it lasts.
This is Emily practicing her violin. What a good girl!
This is Sarah and Blake spending some quality time on the internet together.

This is cute, sweet, funny Grace in the morning.

This is me with the whole crew. I love their guts!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Being A Woman Means:

I'm a blog reader. I bounce around to open blogs from links on my friends blogs and found an entry from a woman who was asked to tell the Mia Maids and Laurels (14-18 year old young women) what it means to be a woman. She sat down and started to list from birth to now, what that means. I copied and pasted it all and it came to 3 full pages, singles spaced! Wow! While I haven't experiences all of the ones she wrote about(marriage, babies), or agreed with all of them(the positive effect of Disney movies), there were some I liked and even that made me laugh. I'm sharing the ones I liked and if you want the whole list, let me know and I'll email it to you.

Being a woman means that, as a baby, I can be blessed in a beautiful white dress
Being a woman means my mom gets to glue cute bows on top of my bald head so that no one thinks I’m a boy
Being a woman means I get to wear cute frilly dresses
Being a woman means that I can hold tea parties with my friends & teddy bears
Being a woman means that I can attend Young Women's camp every year…which is WAY more fun than scout camp
Being a woman means that I can use makeup to cover up all my zits & use one of God’s greatest creations…mascara!
Being a woman means that I can develop my own testimony of the gospel, instead of relying on others’
Being a woman means I want to serve others, so that I know what Christ like love feels like
Being a woman means that I can learn all that I can about the gospel by attending church & seminary
Being a woman means that I can wear modest clothing & still looking smokin’ hot
Being a woman means figuring out for myself what my divine potential can be
Being a woman means I can accessorize, accessorize, accessorize!
Being a woman means deciding whether or not I want to serve a mission
Being a woman means realizing that, even if I don’t serve a mission, I am a missionary everyday of my life
Being a woman means I can support my husband & be his soft place to fall
Being a woman means I am the first one to see the result on the pregnancy test
Being a woman means knowing my life will never be the same the second I see that new baby
Being a woman means I am the CEO of my family
Being a woman means that I am the one my boys come to when they are hurt or sad
Being a woman means that I am the first teacher & main influence in my children’s lives
Being a woman means realizing that through influencing my children, I influence the next generation of leaders
Being a woman means being a leader in Heavenly Father’s church & realizing that I really can have an influence on others
Being a woman means realizing that I can be an “angel” in someone else’s life
Being a woman means having lots of other women to look up to as role models
Being a woman means that I am one of God’s greatest creations (remember, a woman was God's final creation...after He had worked out all the kinks on the man)
Being a woman means REALLY realizing what it means to be a daughter of God & ACTING LIKE IT!

"I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of you dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows you circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him. Because of this divine heritage you, along with all your spiritual sisters and brothers, have full equality in His sight and are empowered through obedience to become a rightful heir in His eternal kingdom, an heir of God, and joint-heir with Christ." Elder Holland

Credit: http://theerrandofangelsblog.blogspot.com/

Sunday, March 8, 2009


"I hate men!"
A phrase I say daily, often multiple times a day.
I realize that is wrong and not really true.
What I really mean is:
I hate what men do to me.
I hate the power they have over me.
and I hate that I don't have one.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Thankful, yet wanting more

I've had many moments the last 2 weeks or so where I felt thankful. I don't consider my self a thankful person. I used to say "there's always more to be had!" That was when I felt denied, forgotten and left a lone to do life on my own, with none of the blessings other people obtained so easily, one of which was happiness. Elder Walker our Area Authority shared with the single adults, the principle of seeing loss instead of gain through the story of the rich man who would not give up the riches of this life for the riches of eternity. (Matt 19:16-22) In the past I mostly always saw loss.

Do I now see gain? Yes. The gain of more time in the scriptures, more time to myself, more time to travel, more time to..... I guess the key word seems to be time. But, as I was saying, I've been thankful. Thankful for not marrying the wrong person, for not being divorced, for not being a single parent, for not having addictions (except for food). Thankful for the gospel that has kept me from so many bad things the world offers, which means I am thankful for commandments. Thankful for my testimony that gets me through, thankful for my desire to be righteous and keep the commandments, thankful for a temple SO close, thankful for a plan from Heavenly Father with promises that I know will happen, will take place weather in this life or the next, thankful that I don't worry about it like I used to, thankful that I know my faith in these things will grow. I'm counting on my Heavenly Father to take care of me temporarily as well as spiritually for my whole life weather I'm married or single, but especially if I'm single.

But, maybe because my mom is gone and there hasn't been very many conversations, or because I've slacked in my scripture reading the last few days, I feel the fullness of thankfulness start to evaporate and my need and want start to swirl the waters some. What do I want?

I want: More friends with a greater closeness that fills the thankfulness jar to overflowing. Friends that I can share more with, poor out my heart to again and again, even if it's the same thing over and over again. More closeness so I feel more love. Isn't that what it's really all about anyway? Love. It's about love. Life is about love. If you can't love or be loved your worthless, and isn't it wonderful to know we are all capable of love because God is love (1 John 4:8) and we are his children and we inherited that from him.

I worry some times and that too shakes the thankful jar and makes the need jar grow. When I don't have a job (thankfully I do) I worry about taking care of myself for forever. Interestingly enough, now that I see gain more than I see loss, I worry when there is a man. When there is not a man, I trust, I wait patiently on the Lord, I wave my hand in a push off to those who would try to set me up or point someone out. But when there is a man, I worry. I feel like I don't have any control. The man has the control. I think about him daily. I have conversations in my head with him daily and then, when I do see him, I act funny. I feel this way, because it's like he has my life in his hands, my happiness in his hands (2 nephi 4:34) and when it doesn't happen-- I panic!

I did this last year at this time. There was a man in my life for a short while and when he left, I panicked. He came out of the wood work after 8 years of nothing. He only had 1 of the 3 biggies, but he had 3 wonderful daughters with no mother at all in the picture. I so wanted to jump into that spot. He just needed to get a job and get to church with a much stronger testimony and understanding of the gospel. (the other 2 biggies) He had the amazing father stuff down! But I digress....

I learned a lot last year and when I start to feel that worry, that someone else besides myself and Heavenly Father holds the power of my happiness, I pray. I pray to not panic, I pray to put things in perspective, I pray to trust and I pray to be filled with more love for myself from the spirit. I think that is the way to get back to thankful.