Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Blessings!

A few months ago our stake president gave a fireside and he talked some about the 3 laws of financial prosperity.  They are Tithing,  Fast Offerings and Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. It got me thinking and Even though I'm a beneficiary of fast offerings (the church buys my toilet paper and other bathroom things) I wasn't paying it.  But then I started to and I've seen the blessings.

1. Someone paid a month of my storage unit on accident.  I told them there was a mistake, but I still reap the benefits.

2. My rent didn't double, but just went up by 4 dollars because they went with what I said almost a year ago- subbing only 3 to 4 days a week, but in reality I sub 5 days a week and make more than they figured. I'm not going to argue with them.

I think there are many other blessings that are happening like getting TV at home.

I'm a believer!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

I am fearful

Here is how things really are.  

I am fearful for the future.  

I haven't been able to pay all my bills on my own for months and even years, especially since my marriage. The church has had to help and so has my mom.  I'm on food stamps which is a blessing and live in low income housing. 

I was diagnosed with  1. Major depressive disorder (moderate).  (not a surprise!)  

I'm going through Vocational Rehabilitation, a state program to help me get a better job.  I could of picked going to school, but that caused me a lot of stress and tons of tears.  In 12 days I cried 10 of them. Not good odds. I was fearful of that too.  Picking the right thing, being successful, getting a job afterwords, going into more debt to do it when I'm trying to get out of debt.  So I picked having them help me find a job, but I"m fearful with that too. I worry about shooting too high or too low.  I worry about getting a job and quitting the one I have now and then needed to go back to subbing but them not letting me.  See I was nearly let go from that job last spring.  What if the new job doesn't work out?  What if I go through burn out as I have in the past and need to change jobs again. What if? What if? What if?

How will I support myself for the rest of my life?  Mom will not always be there with money.  I don't have health benefits and what if my health goes bad?  What if I need to get another car and can't afford it?  More what if's  I'm sure I'm missing some more I haven't even thought of. 

I need someone to tell me It's all going to work out, that Heavenly Father has a plan, that somehow, some way things will get better.  

I used to travel.  I used to have hope for the future.  I used to enjoy life.  But the reality of just making it, just holding on financially and otherwise for the rest of my life and not really enjoying it looks like what the future holds for me. I don't think I'll be getting married any time soon. I used to have so many blessings that said I would. But now that doesn't happen in blessings anymore. There is no one here in Twin and I've gained weight and my hair is short and that's just the physical stuff, not the diagnosis's.

How does one be happy with all that now and in the future? Acceptance?  But acceptance isn't happiness.  It's being resigned to my lot in life. 
Maybe I could get on disability income and still work some hours and that would pay the bills.  That needs to be my plan B and that is up in the air and uncertain too. It also means low income housing and foods stamps for the rest of my life. 

But I keep on keeping on, only I cry more.  I teach primary.  I go to work.  I go to social things, but am I happy?  NO. This diagnosis has taken the life out of me. 

One of the most difficult things is that I have no one to share my feelings with that validate me.  That have known me for more than 2 years here in Twin.  No one that knows what I used to be like. That knows more than just my disabilities. No one that I can really just sob to and get it all out and have them do and say the things I need to hear that are correct too.  I know some will say some things but it won't be helpful. There are people whose advice I don't trust. 

Another difficult things is no one to give me a blessing- that has the spirit of prophecy like I had in Brother Thompson. 

The whole thing is just awful and so not about Jason anymore although at times things from the past will pop up; Jason, the Twitchell's and family members who have hurt me. 

But there.  I got it all down and hardly any one will read it, comment or care- especially my family. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Where I live in Low Income Housing!

Welcome to Washington Park Apartments!  One of the nicest Low Income housing complexes in Twin Falls.

This is the way to #20 where I live. 
This is number 20. 
This is my summer living room. Not enough wall stuff up yet.  
This is my winter living room.  Awkward! 
dinning room and very small kitchen. 
And the messy and small bedroom!  

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Way to go Id .a. ho!

Said Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story #2!

Well I finally went to the museum in Blackfoot Idaho, not inside, but the gift shop and outside.  We told the lady at the desk that we'd be back Saturday (it was Tuesday, 9.17.13).  Patricia Glenn and I went to Rexburg to go the temple since the Twin Falls temple is closed for a month.  Rumor has it that it's mold that is the problem. I can't imagine how they got mold here.  Seattle?  I've experienced that first hand, but dry farm land southern Idaho... mold?  Oh well,  It's closed all September and on sat we are going on a little road trip again and will pay 3 dollars to get into the museum.




In other news:
This is what the dog spend their time doing these days.  

4 little kittens that were rescued on a freeway in between SLC and Twin that I kept over night on labor day weekend till the shelter opened up.  I had them in this box outside and then in the bathroom and both places drove Coco mad.  The white stuff is rice.  They didn't eat any of it and they spilled the water.  The Christensen's daughter rescued them and they were pawned off on me.  I finally had to  put them in the car overnight.  Out of sight, out of mind for Coco.   They crawled out of the box and all over the car and me as I drove them to the shelter.  2 of them had the cutest personalities.  I wish I could of kept one.  The Christensen's gave me 5 dollars and the shelter took that for them! 
This is also what I have been doing. I gave this one to Robyn H. Parker since she is from Australia.
Patricia Glenn wants one since she has been.  
I kept this one for myself.  They are dish clothes and you iron on the pattern. 
This one was my first and I gave it to the Christensen's since they do so much for me like feed me, give me veggies to cook, give me blessings, teach me now to make chicken noodle soup home made, let me borrow movies and 100 other little things.   They have been a blessing I didn't even know I needed. 

Monday, August 5, 2013

What the Scriptures tell us about WHY we need the BOM

Why we need The Book of Mormon:
Ezekiel 37: 15-17
15 The word of the Lord came again unto me, saying,
16 Moreover, thou son of man, take thee one astick, and bwriteupon it, For cJudah, and for the children of Israel his companions: then take another stick, and dwrite upon it, For eJoseph, the fstickof Ephraim, and for all the house of Israel his companions:
 17 And join them one to another into one stick; and they shall become aone in thine hand.

Article of Faith 1:8 We believe the aBible to be the bword of God as far as it is translated ccorrectly; we also believe the dBook of Mormon to be the word of God.

Title Page

  • Show the house of Israel what the Lord has done.
  • Know the covenants
  • Convincing that Jesus is Christ to all nations


Introduction
-Most correct book- get nearer to God
-Keystone of our religion
1. Doctrines of the gospel
2. Outlines the plan of salvation
3. Tells men what they must do to gain peace

1 Nephi 13:40
1.       Establishes the truth of the Bible.
2.       Make known plain and precious truth.
3.       All kindred, tongues and people that the Lamb is the Son of the Father and Savior of the world.
4.       All men must come unto him or they cannot be saved.

2 Nephi 3:12
-          Confound false doctrine
-          Lay down of contention
-          Establish peace
-          Bring them to a knowledge of fathers
-          Bring them to a knowledge of the covenants of the Lord.

2 Nephi 25: 23, 26 and 33:10-11
-persuade our children to believe in Christ
-If you believe in Christ you will believe these words
-They are his words,
-they teach men to do good.

2 Nephi 29:7-11

  • I can speak to more than one nation
  • I can have two nations write
  • I do this to prove you
  • Bible is not all of my words.


D&C 20:8-16
-God gave Joseph Smith power to translate
-Contains fullness of gospel
-Angels confirmed it.
-Proves the scriptures are true.
-God inspires men
-God is the same yesterday today and forever

-those who receive it will have a crown of eternal life. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Elder Nelson Fireside

Fireside with Elder and Sister Nelson of the 1st quorum of the 70 on July 21st, 2013

Sister Nelson:  The Spanish brought the Catholic religion, so only Asian country that is Christian.  Bottom part is Muslim. The church has been there for 50 years.  The first 4 missionaries there are still alive.  There are now 85 stakes, 2 temples and one being built, 21 missions and 670,000 members out of 97 million people in a land mass as big as Arizona. 
They speak to the MTC there every 6 weeks.  All are going to Asian countries.  880 chapels, 12-20 K people baptized a year.  10 area authorities are from the Philippines.  Over 100 dialects, but almost all speak English.  They are a happy humble people and due to the love of family and having children they accept the gospel.   Michael Tae, the youngest 70 in the church who has only lived in the Philippines is going to Salt Lake City.

They lived in New Zealand for 2 years.  They they go a meeting with everyone.  A picture of their face comes up and they tell you where you are going. 

Elder Nelson:
Mark ch 2- most important thing- I can heal your hearts!
John ch 6 Why point out the bread and fish left over? He is the living bread!  I am the one that can help you.  My Grace is sufficient for all of you and there is enough and to spare. 

Question about blessings:  Exercise agency in all we do.  Ask! We will receive all the father has, after all we can do.  Elder Eyring’s talk in conference mentions Spencer W. Kimball- give me another mountain!  Challenges make us grow.  No challenges – the plan is not working for you.  

Question about China: The Lord can do his own work.  Miss are coming out of China.  The wealthy Chinese are sending their kids to USA, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand to get educated and are joining the church.  We have districts and branches in China.  The church is already there!

Tonga is 45 % LDS.  It’s like Provo.  Samoa has 22 stakes.  He’d rather have his car break down in the Philippines than on Blue Lakes because it’s a very family oriented.  The church struggles with the gospel in other places because they are not family friendly and don’t have kids.

Question about worries:  We live below our spiritual privileges.  Read Elder Oaks talk in the August Ensign.
The principles of Preach my Gospel are now in the new curriculum for youth.

Question about missionaries on Facebook:  The brethren have been trying to combat Satan for the last 10 to 12 years so he doesn't get control over the internet.  We want you on the internet. They have to be on 1 hour a day.  People don’t want us in their homes any more.  They chat, text, send messages.  We are going to trust the missionaries.  They will send Mormon messages to investigators in morning when it’s not productive time.  They make initial contact on line and then they want us in their home.  Soon missionaries will all have I-pads with GPS.  Don’t have to train them; they already know how to use it.   With the change in the missionary age there is 33 thousand more missionaries in 1 year!

Question about Temple building and Money:  The church doesn't spend money until it’s been in the bank for 1 year.  They have to allocate it differently.  Building projects are on hold.  Missionary work is the focus.
We can have personal ministries.  What can we do at the moment that the Holy Ghost tells us?  It’s not about you- your there for others.  Who is your person this week you need to help/touch?  Quit thinking about our life.

Question about Marriage:  Traditional marriage- we are behind the rest of the world in wickedness concerning same sex marriage.  We are not anti-anything. We are pro-marriage. We stand for truth and righteousness.

Question about Pres. Monson: He is 85 years old.  He was a member of the 12 at age 37. He always tell the GA’s  Who the Lord calls he qualifies.   He’s a minister.  He’s not in his office, he’s out ministering. 

Packer says It’s so hard to get old on stage.  We will always have old prophets.  As the world gets worse the Lord is hastening his work.


Ends with his testimony:  Come unto Him,  See, partake, feel, serve, understand.  The More Righteous than they.  Repent, be converted that I may heal you is what he said in 3 Nephi. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Book Review: Every Day Missionaries

Today will be a broadcast from the church about missionary work.  It's nation wide and will be rebroadcast to the rest of the world. You can learn more about it here:

http://www.lds.org/church/events/the-work-of-salvation-missionary-broadcast?lang=eng

I recently read this book.  I loved it because it taught HOW to get it into the investigators heart; HOW to pray, HOW to keep the Sabbath day holy, HOW to study a book of scripture.  All things that most don't know how to do.  We often baptize people who don't get it, who don't know how to do these things, but this tells us HOW to help get it IN to them!

Mr. Christensen is a member of the 70.  

I took copious notes and I'd like to share them here: 
Part 1 Finding People for the Missionaries to Teach

Ch 1:  1. We don’t need to transform our relationships into friendships as a pre-requisite to invite others to learn about the gospel. (p 21)
2.We don’t have to prepare them.
3. You don’t know who will say yes or no.
4. Asking is success in itself regardless of how it turns out.

Ch 2:  1. Use Finding NEMO (not in the book, but same idea)  NEMO: Natural expressions missionary opportunities.  2. When they ask you a question, ask them “why?” so you know how to answer something they are interested in and you know how to respond.  People joined a. closeness to God they saw in others, b. happiness and sense of peace, c. better sense of purposefulness and direction.   3. Decoupling: “I’m going to ask you a question, but before I do we need to agree that our friendship won’t be affected if you decide this isn't of interest to you.”  4. Compare the questions WE ask, not our answers, i.e.. Joseph Smith question, Council of Nicea- stopped asking questions after words.  Ask them questions as explanations.

Ch 3: Ask them to help us: teach, move, career nights, basketball team.  Focus on a. getting members involved in community organizations. b. invite them to serve with us!  People want to help! 

Ch 4:  Share at work through 1. Words (NEMO) 2. Use the gospel to solve problems.  See the 5 things he learned p 67-68.

Ch 5: Set deadlines to goals and it will happen.   The desperation principle.   It happens near the end!

Ch 6: Sharing the gospel online.  a. create web sites b. call online missionaries c. have non-members read it and help with editing for effectiveness.  See these web sites: 
ablogaboutlove.com
mormonperspectives.com
youngandmormon.com

Part 2 Teaching Toward Conversion
Ch 7: Teach how to pray: ask investigator to listen and notice while 3 people pray.  They usually notice the beginning, how to end, thanking and asking.

Ch 8: Teach how to study the BOM. Have them come with questions.  Give them 2 short assignments to read. Have them pray, read, write, pray read write pray. The writing forces you to think about it.

Ch 9: Teach how to keep the Sabbath day holy.  1. Schedule a mtg with the missionaries at the church.  Teach a wonderful lesson.  2. Teach to take the sacrament; teach to keep the rest of the day holy.  Read Mosiah 3: 16-19   Ask what are some unholy things people do on Sunday?  What are holy thing to do?

Ch 10: Teach about temptations: Our opponents are not passive.  1. Disobey God’s commandments – It’s easier to keep them 100% of the time than 98%.  2. Personal apostasy.  We need to teach that questions lead to revelation. We will learn more and more, but the whole complete truth has already been there!

Part 3 Building the Kingdom of God. (amazing results)
Ch 11: U-night, a mtg in church, each proselyting family brought another family.  Movie- then discussion in home, then U-night with more families, etc. 

Ch 12: In Boston, a twig.  12 people met in a home, then 20, then 40, then 80, 120, a branch.  All because after every meeting they asked themselves who didn't come and then went out and brought them back in! 

Ch 13:  2 wards, 2 branches made into 8 branches and that brought growth.  People called to serve that were not prepared or worthy, but in the desperation it worked.  Strong people trained and there was amazing growth.  Leaders saw themselves as trainers.

Ch 14: The Lord trusts these words to love the new members, to embrace new people when they came in and to do missionary work because they did it!  Amazing number results in Ireland, affluent ward in Boston, and New Hampshire mission area.

Ch 15: Spanish Branch with not enough priesthood.  They fasted for a weekend for god to send a man to lead to bring change.  Next Sunday a 15 year old stuttering Jamie came.  He had a way with children, helped the missionaries out with kids, people joined.  When he came home from his mission no one left the room after his talk.  13 boys came up and promised to go on missions when they turned 19.  12 did.

Ch 16: The thoughts and ways of God
1.      The simple and weak D&C 1:19-24
2.      Friends, responsibilities and nourishment's
3.      The good shepherd “How think ye?”  Who could have been here today that didn't come?”
4.      Love one another.  God trusted these wards. It wasn't miraculous, it’ was predictable.  D&C 58:26-29


Epilogue  My Testimony.  He thinks about missionary work and many other things every day. (He's a Harvard professor)  He simply has been trying to learn fundamental truth and falsehoods that affect us.  He leaves us with a web site to help us do all the things he taught in the book.  



Friday, June 21, 2013

Dad Wanted Twins

Dad was a peaceful man who fought in WWII.  His twin was always picking on him and he took it.  Later in his life he got picked on too and he took it.  Was he a door mat that couldn't stand up for himself or was he just more Christlike than the rest of us, turning the other cheek?  Looking back I think he needed anti-depressants at least the last 20 years of his life.  Ya.  I was 13 when he had his stroke and just days away from turning 33 when he died.  So 20 years is about right.

Dad and I have a strange connection.  Maybe the other 6 kids feel that way too, but here are my stories about him.  Some I have shared before. Others I have not.

1.  I'm here on earth due to him and President Joseph Fielding Smith.  Here you can read about how Dad went to priesthood session and was pricked in his heart with the 'Don't block up the well springs of life", comment from a prophet.

2.  He wrote a poem to the older 5 kids and hung it on the Christmas tree to announce my impending birth.  None of the other kids got that.  The Poem:

Now children Dear, You listen here,
About a gift to the family,
That will come some time
When fireworks are popping;
It may be one, it may be two
But it will keep us all hopping. 
To get things done,
To service a certain covering,
To hold, to comfort, to carry, 
To bundle, to trundle off to bed. 
To feed, to cuddle, to brag on;
It may be him or may be her,
It should  be one or the other. 
It could be both if they be two.
Or both could be one or the other.
It's going to be a little baby,
Brother, or sister, or Twins...
Or something or other. 

Dad was hoping I'd be a twin.  I wasn't, but Sarah was born 18 months latter.

3. I'm the one that was first to find Dad after his stroke.  I came home and the TV was blaring!  He couldn't  get paper in an envelope.  He didn't speak to me.  He tried to start the car with out keys.  We almost got in a car accident on the way to the dentist.

4. I was there when he died, along with Ruth and my mom of course, but mom let me say when to pull the plug.  There were other looks  and words between us that day.  Kind of funny to think of him being the one to say - OK, time for Becky to come to earth and me saying OK, time for dad to go home.

5. I've had experiences with him since he's been gone too.  Times when I know he's aware of me, there or looking down.  He sees me struggling, crying, etc.   I've been told that in a blessing; That he is busy but aware. Thoughts of him will just come out of now where, or scenes will be presented to my minds eye.   I've written about those too on here.  

6. Since moving to Idaho I've had experiences too.  One while praying and crying in Nampa.  In my minds eye came a view of someone tapping Dad on his shoulder and pointing to me kneeling and crying.  He's aware!  Another after the debacle with the Bishop and I was a mess, all of a sudden Dad popped into my head out of no where.  He was aware.  Dad was single for 39 years.  He would  of understand  my pain and told me to  let it go, to turn the other cheek, because that's what he would of done.

Those are my special experiences with dad.  There are other little things I could mention when he was a live to explain our connection, but I don't share it all.  I wonder if my siblings have feelings like I do.  If they feel they have a special connection with dad and what their stories are.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Insight Into Me: Emotional vs. Professional

I got on this new med a few weeks ago and instantly it worked.  It's been a few weeks now and I feel silly for waiting this long to go to a doctor and say I'm on this med and it's not working.  I thought it was just my life situations, yet I could not see a way out of being me.  I didn't have these problems to this extent in Washington.  I know I can't blame Idaho for it. I feel and handle the marriage and debt thing differently after almost 2 years, so I just didn't know what to do.  While it has not fixed my need to speed while driving, it has fixed my instinct to get mean and angry. 

For instance I could not for the life of me stop being angry at the kids at Gooding HS. I could not stop myself from saying insulting things to those kids. I was just as stupid as they were, just in a different way.  I sabotaged myself, it would seem.

I've been fired 3 times from 3 different PSR companies in 10 months. PSR stands for psychosocial rehabilitation.  It is a job that has no handbook, no how-to manual or even a PSR for dumbies book.  It's assumed that because you have a 4 year degree in something related to psychology that you know how to deal with people with mental illnesses.  Illnesses that are for the most part not medicated.

I did the job for 1.5 years.  A week before I lost the last position I thought to myself "I'm finally getting this. I finally know how to do this job!".  Ironic or just bad timing?  I had done lots of research and found resources, but the learning curve was pretty big and in reality it goes back to me, for I've learned also that it's about boundaries. I've had terrible boundaries in my personal as well as professional life.  Depressing to think about that at age 40 I'm finally getting it. Once again I am a late bloomer.

I've made some of the same mistakes with subbing too- the boundary ones.  For subbing it's like a continuum.  Enemy on one end, personal control in the middle and friend on the opposite end.  I've been everywhere on the line, but now I really SEE HOW to BE so as not to be on the negative ends professionally.

Enemy_______ Personal Control________Friend

I've finally been able to turn to prayer too.  Real, on my knees by my bed, what I need prayer.  It's been since 2009 since I've had daily prayer like that.  Maybe that too is due to the meds?   What ever it is I'm thankful.  Thankful and when I think too long about it, I worry about not doing it on my own. But for now I'm releaved.   It seems I've been a new person and it's a better me, not worse.

Sometimes it's felt like I've been a wave in the ocean, up and down, crashing or building, but no happiness of just floating and enjoying the water and sun.  Happiness is heavily tied to life satisfaction.  I hope to find some satisfaction soon. 

Friday, April 12, 2013

My Civil Disobedience (as Seth would put it)


video
I'm in the video!  The dog is Coco!  This town of 44K is not big enough for me.  I need a bigger place to hide.  I'm always getting in trouble.

Can't see the video?  Me neither.  Here is a link: http://www.kmvt.com/news/local/Twin-Falls-Animal-Control-Keeping-Busy--202613261.html

What they didn't show (I didn't know I was being filmed) was that I had the dog who runs on a leash and Coco, the brown dog went 10 to 15 feet from me due to a motorcycle and that when I walked back to the car he followed right along. While that does not excuse me breaking the law, it shows that there are some situations where It's perfectly safe to do so.

The above is what I posted in response.  But what it really says is there is a need to have a off leash dog park and the city and parks and recreation will not support it.  

Here are the responses on facebook: 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

One Day You Will

Martina McBride has this song, that I've really loved in the past and have recently rediscovered. 

 "One Day You Will"

I am timeless, I am patient
I'm beside you and above
I'm the words when you need comfort
I'm the feeling you call love

You say that you can take or leave me
You think right now that you don't need me
Some way, somehow young heart believe me
One day you will
One day you will


You're a vessel, your a temple
You're a journey just begun
You're a young one who is running
You are destined to find love

And when you're lost, that's when you'll find me
We can't see till we are blinded
It's already all been decided
That one day you will
One day you will

You say that you can take or leave me
You think right now that you don't need me
Some way, somehow young heart believe me
One day you will
One day you will
One day you will

I am timeless, I am patient
I'm the feeling you call love

To me the song is spiritual.  It's about the Holy Ghost and the Lord having a plan for my life that includes love.  

There is no real video for this song, but here is the link to one of just pictures of her, so you can at least hear the song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSsKXvMdZKc