Where I live in Low Income Housing!

Welcome to Washington Park Apartments!  One of the nicest Low Income housing complexes in Twin Falls.

This is the way to #20 where I live. 

This is number 20. 

This is my summer living room. Not enough wall stuff up yet.  

This is my winter living room.  Awkward! 

dinning room and very small kitchen. 

And the messy and small bedroom!  

DI: It's Not Just a Thrift Store

I’m wearing everything from a thrift store.  Even my shoes.  Why would I tell you this?  I’m here to tell you about the deep doctrine of DI.  DI is more than a thrift store and yes, that probably has been a tag line or in a commercial, but it’s true.  DI is self sufficient and runs only on donations.  There are 43 DI stores in 7 western states: WA, OR, CA, ID, UT, NV and AZ.

2 things are unique about our DI here in Twin.  We employ the largest amount of refuges  except for the ones in Utah than all the others.  Twin DI is not self supporting which means we have to do “donation sharing.”  We get things from the humanitarian center in SLC.   So, lesson one- bring in your stuff! 

Twin DI has community partnerships with about 30 programs/ agencies in Magic Valley. One of those places is TF School district.  For example.  My friend who is a single mom with 5 kids and has 1 daughter.  Her teacher noticed that she had only 2 pairs of pants.  One day she came home with 3 pairs of pants.  Where did her teacher get them?  DI. 

The bishops can use DI to help families in need.  For instance, take my friend Cyndy who is a manager of low income housing.  One family, not LDS, had a fire in their dryer.  ALL the kids’ clothes were burned up.  ALL of them.  ALL that was left for the kids was what they were wearing.  Cyndy went to the Bishop, told him the situation and he wrote out a voucher for 200 dollars worth of clothes for the family.  The bishop is the bishop for everyone within the ward boundaries- even those not of our faith.

Another bishop wanted to help a man here with a ½ way house he was starting.  He got the man vouchers for 15 beds for this house.  These are not old mattresses.  The church has a factory in SLC that makes them.  All mattress companies send their merchandise to  Missouri to be tested with a gigantic roller.  LDS mattresses are with the same quality and caliber for companies like Serta!  Seriously!  And for 2/3 of the price!!!!  

This is an example of the actual furniture!

The church also has a furniture factory that makes solid wood NICE quality tables, chairs, and bed sets and frames.  You can see them in the store and ask for one.  They are in the back- ready to be bought! 

DI also squashes bundles of clothes into ½ a ton barrels and sells them to other companies or it goes to the humanitarian center for the 3^rd world countries we send aid to.  We give stuff to Catholic charities and let them put their name on it, not ours. 

DI, pays for the employee’s salary, the building, the lighting, etc.  But when there is extra money it goes to help others get jobs.  We help members as well as non-members. 48% now at DI  in Twin Falls are not of our faith.  The extra money goes to help those workers go to school and get jobs. 

Our own Merna was employed at DI and needed to call her Bishop.  She was not a member (yet!).  Everyone that works there needs to get a hold of their bishop and get his help with goals and what that person wants to accomplish.  One of the people that have worked at DI walked across the Sahara desert, then floated on something in the ocean till he was picked up and brought to America.  He was escaping a war torn land.  He worked here in Twin Falls.  He told a manager that he would rather face the desert than the ocean! (not to self) 

Here are few stories to help you understand what this DI, this “more than a thrift store can do.”   Take Wes.  He’s a excellent swimmer, so much so that he is in the junior Olympics’ and goes to Paris to compete for the USA.  He has offers from colleges for full ride scholarships, but Wes, gets into drugs.  It becomes so bad that his family tells him to not come around.  He cannot see his nieces and nephews and Wes gets in trouble with the law and finds himself in prison. Part of Prison is drug rehab and before he can even leave, he has to have a job!  It’s pretty hard to find a job when you’re in jail!  But his bishop comes to visit him and gets him a job with DI.  He can leave.  Part of the DI program is for each person to have a mentor.  The bishop feels inspirited to have a man his age but married with kids be his mentor.   His mentor, not knowing what to do at first, invites him over for dinner, for barbecues and becomes his friend.  Wes needs new friends, he can’t go back to his old friends or he’ll get back into drugs.  Wes now has a friend, and a job.  DI has strict rules.  You have to show up on time and be there 96% of the time.  Absolutely no cell phones on the job.  These are rules that most companies have and that for most of the employees need to learn.  Each employee goes through reviews.  Goals are set by the employee and he/she evaluates himself on how he is doing.   Goals can be get a driver’s license, get a GED, become A CNA.  They pay for training programs nearby colleges have.  Wes now has a good job with a good company and he is successful.  That is why DI is more than a thrift store.  The money only goes to do good.  The money goes to help the poor and needy. 

Another story:  Mari Smith and her husband have triplets, her husband is a contractor building million dollar homes and then the economy goes bad and they can’t even pay their own rent.  The husband is depressed.  He finally went to the bishop, who sent him to the stake president (both to see if they knew of anything one or anything that could help him get work)  He goes back to his bishop and he gives his a recommendation to DI.  He gets him a job at DI.  Can you imagine the humility it took to go from building million dollar homes to working at DI?  DI can see this man has potential and skills.  To reestablish himself, the bishop needs to know exactly what he wants to do.  He decides he wants to become a Nursing assistant.  DI splits the cost with him for the schooling and now he is standing next to heart surgeons holding the heart, because he became an orderly first.  This man when he was working at DI had a friend there named Bill.  Bill had become homeless and this man went and found him and got him back on at DI and made sure Bill was OK! 

behind the scenes with the donations.  

One person Crystal from Peru doesn't speak much English.  Her job coach sees more in her, treats her with respect, helps her get in English classes, which in some areas DI offers.  Helped her get a GED and then she become a CNA.  The more resources the better you can help a person.

Another sister who says about herself she had no friends in HS and was not very smart so she dropped out.  She gets a job at DI and blossoms and 2 years later she is training those that are new at DI.

Carlos had a pharmacy for 28 years in his country.  He comes to the USA and all he can do is clean the floors in Rite Aid.  He thinks he can get a job as a driver.  He goes to the bishop and the bishop sees that he is more than a day laborer and helps him get a job at DI who then pays for him to go to become a pharmacy tech.  DI pays his wages for 3 months.  The pharmacy hires him on, because his people skills are awesome.  Everyone knows him and loves him.  This leads him to his wife getting a job there too, and then his daughter goes through the program and becomes a CNA.   They all testify to there being a light in their lives now.  They have someone who cares.

Community partnerships that will help families with rent, food, clothes and shoes, also helps with self-esteem.  Giving them a gift card is no guarantee that they will get what they need.  Taking them there, helping these children pick out their first coat, their first pillow, their own blanket.  When money is low for those community agencies, Di will raise their grants.

There are no DI thrift stores outside of those 7 states I mentioned, but the program is everywhere.  There are offices, (23 I think) in places like Texas, NY, Mexico, and the Philippines that do the same thing- help pay and train and work with people that need help. It all works through the bishops! The miracles can happen anywhere! 

DI is more than a thrift store because it transforms people’s lives.  The savior was always encouraging, helping and serving the individual.  That is what DI does.  You bring in old things and they become new to someone else.  DI does that with clothes and people as well!  

How is this all done?  How it all is paid for?  From the sales of those donations!  When we donate we are helping in more than one way.  We are helping many, many people’s lives to change for the better.

“Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

“And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.” (Alma 37:6–7 The Book of Mormon) 

Tell the Drama to your Llama!

Guess what-- You're the Llama!

DRAMA ONE    About 2 months ago I could not sleep, so I got up and wrote 2 pages to the couple who introduced Jason  and I, and supposedly counseled us.  What a joke!  The letter was good healing for me and I didn't cry or get angry about them afterwords .... until just a few days ago.  I put some money in my credit union and headed home.  That's when the tears and anger started again and It didn't stop.  I was SO mad at them.  They were clueless about Jason's spending, about the money my mom gave me from my inheritance to pay bills. Double and then some of what he took out of his retirement to pay HIS and OUR bills.   I woke up the  next morning and did the same thing.   I'm not sure what set it off, but I had a mind to just write a letter and this time send it.  Just facts this time.  The first letter was harsh and hurtful and clearly expressed how deeply I was wronged.  I've been fine for 2 days now, but.....

DRAMA TWO   Then there is the issue of "The Talk."   I've been in my current ward for 1 year and 3 months now and have I been asked to speak in sacrament meeting?  NO!  If your married and/or have a cute family then of course they ask you to speak with in like 2 months.  Not us singles.  I've come to realize that it's being a respecter of persons, which is not a good thing.

I like pubic speaking and some years back- maybe 8, I had 4 or 5 talk out lines ready to give if I was ever asked.  I wasn't.  I still have them but I'm sure with new life experiences they would be changed somewhat.
So every day for like 3 to 4 weeks I've been giving the "let me introduce myself" portion of the talk out loud to no one or in my head.  It's not pretty.   It's full of bitterness, looking down at others, trying to prove that I am something or at least WAS something.  That's what I figured out- it's about a self- esteem wack.

I'd mention things about:

How many countries in Europe I'd been to (8).
How many states I've visited (2/3rds)
My Israel and BOM lands cruise. 
Then I tell them about my HUGE family- 7 kids, 26 nieces and nephews, 11 great nieces and nephews.
I'd tell them about how I came to this earth (through my father following the prophet).
I speak about how Twin Falls is clueless about the SA program.
How Idaho is just full of Farmers who have never left the state and know nothing of the outside world.
Of course I mention my wards with millionaires in it.
The CEO of Expedia being in the bishopric, the millionaire stake presidents, single men making 6 figures a year.
I'd point out that men here are so proud of of making 50K at a cheese, dairy or yogurt factory and I cringe.  Cringe because I sure as heck don't want to date them and don't want to live in Idaho the rest of my life and sure as heck don't want to raise kids that have only experienced this, because we couldn't afford it.
I'd tell them how I was a tree hugger, how I'm NOT from Idaho.
I'd mention callings- you know- give them my "church resume"- seminary teacher, temple ordinance worker, my mission. 
I'd tell them that the church was the same everywhere, except for the SA program here in ID.  O gosh I had/have the list of beefs that everyone else is CLUELESS about.
I'd mention my marriage, that it was abusive on 4 different levels.  That I had to come here to heal among strangers.  

Can you feel the pride?  The enmity? So can they. 

I couldn't stop doing this.  It was like an addiction. I didn't know why, and then all of a sudden I realized it was an effort to build me up (or at least knock them down), to show value in my self.  Clearly I didn't have any.  A few weeks previous I remembered what I had learned about 10 years earlier- that men don't find angry and bitter women attractive and this time I learned that neither do women.  While doing my scripture study I did some foot note searches and found out of the blue scriptures that we don't really use for  the topic of pride.  It was good for me, but "the talk" still continued.

One night I couldn't sleep.  I was up crying and doing basically the same thing- reviewing the past.  How was I going to make it stop?  When it hit me- my word for the year- TURN!  Turn from the PAST to the FUTURE.  So... what of my future?

DRAMA THREE   I've been subbing and some days have been good.  The para-ed's have liked me and other's it's been.... I've been... "demanding" of kids that are lazy, not trying, stupid, etc and I have not treated them nicely.  Geese Becky,  didn't you learn your lesson in Gooding?  I mean  do your job and shut up!  Don't insult the kids!  Don't loose patience! And be nice- ya know- like Jesus would. I subbed in HS resource room, but I was also on NO meds. That combination = trouble. I don't have the kindness and patience and ability to make connections with those kids.  I see problems that need to be disciplined, not kids that need to be reached.

I can't be a teacher.  I don't have the patience.  You have to be SO on your toes ALL THE TIME- with class work, behavior, preparing for next day, next week, etc.  It's to much for my brain to handle.   One on one PSR is good.  I've thought about foster care for the money and helping too, but mostly the money.

My future.  What does it hold?  More schooling?  More low paying jobs with no benefits.  Maybe school and then perhaps another failure or another low paying job. What do I do?  The bishop mentioned 'career goals' in his last email to me.  Here's the deal- I don't have career goals.  I never have.  I had the get married and be a mommy career plans.  I kept waiting for that to happen and it never did. Now I'm 40.

I'm working 2 low paying jobs that in a month will go up to almost 15 an hour.  Subbing which is... random and only 65 a day.  And in the summer?  Then what?  I don't have unemployment till Aug 2013.  I need to find a better job.  I need a roommate.  So what did I do?  I filled out applications for low income housing.  I qualify.  I probably qualify for help with heating bills too and also Medicare or caide - what ever it is.  Aren't I just the college grad success story? 

What's fun is my sisters who are judgmental about Ruth and I. What would they be doing with no husband to buy them big homes and trips?  How would their self-esteem be?  Could they go to church every Sunday and feel equal?  Could they support themselves with a pre-school teachers income or what ever they went to school for?  NOPE, but they judge.

I'm judgmental about teachers in Gospel Doctrine.  I didn't participate too much in last weeks SA get together. I played games on my phone instead.  Then there's the SA progam here.... I don't even want to get into that.

The lady who I almost killed on the motorcycle is wanting 1 million dollars from me.  Will they go to mom? Only time will tell.  Mom can give them 1/4 of a million from insurance.

While at times there is a longing to be a super mom, to have a great marriage, mostly I see kids at HS kissing and I want to puke.  I don't like fat guys. I don't like being on top.  I don't the idea of being poor.  Sometimes I'm too bold, too blunt and almost crude at times- in my head mostly. I started a thread on BYU-Idaho Alumni page on FB and it caused some to not be happy.  While there is so much more I want to say to others, I filter.  Scott Mowrer would be proud- his and his million dollar traveling family now.  Ya'd think the rich could throw the poor a bone every once in a while. I love being left behind.

But I'm taking this Llama thing to a gripping session and that's not what I wanted to do.  So I end here.  It's too long.  Most won't read it and I don't have a big readership anyhow.  But it's out there.  Out there for someone to maybe respond.

On a positive note, I'm reading the scriptures every night from the original copy BOM look alike. 

Twin Falls - with out the Twin

 This is right before the water goes down.  Boats can launch here too.

Twin Falls

On the way out after the falls

Who knew?!

When there was a Twin Fall.

Check out this very cool tree.  Coco on the path- not a little bear. 

A place to picnic too.

Due to the dam built there, it caused a second fall to disappear, so the twin in Twin Falls is false.

A Stake President and Martins Cove

Last Sunday our Stake President gave a fireside for the Relief Society.  While he and another woman shared some things, when he started  talking about Martin's Cove paying attention because I have been there with my parents and my uncle and aunt went on a mission there. 

There were saints to left to late in the summer and suffered and died from starvation and cold as they pushed and pulled hard carts to Zion.  Martin's Cove is where they found some refuge from the blizzard.  They were saved because Brigham Young told the brethren there in SLC   to "go and bring them in".   Now families and youth groups can reenact this trek for a day or days.

Last summer the youth in my stake went and walked this trek.  The stake president did it with them.  He showed us pictures of him hugging the youth, and told us this story:

When they started this journey there at the visitor center the kids had the name of a real person who had started on that journey.  Some of them lived and some of them died.  They started by singing the song about all the Pioneer's "Come, Come Ye Saints" .   When they got to the line that says this: "and should be die, before our journey's through, happy day, all is well"  those boys and girls who had the names of those who died left the group and stood away off.    I can imagine it being a pretty emotional thing to see that.

When they all got back together again, the Stake president hugged a young man and told him he was great, then he grabbed a young woman, gave her a hug and told her what she was good at.  He continue to do that to each and every one of those young men and women.  The president said, he felt like a patriarch, because the could tell them something about each one of them, about their talents, what they could do in the future.  Of course the group kept walking, kept marching and when they got to Martin's cove, he sat down on the bench and was just pondering, thinking, taking it all in when the words "President, you know you'll loose some of them", came to him and he wept like he never had before.

He then talked to us about Enoch's witnessing the Savior weep for his children, the workmanship of his hands and the chain that Satan had wrapped around the world. 

At the end of the fireside he pronounced a blessing on the women.

- to the single sisters, that they will have a witness of their self-worth.
- to the mothers in Zion that they will have a larger capacity of love, that their home will be shielded as they immerse themselves in the scriptures, the prophets and prayer.






-to those who have lost loved ones who have been faithful will understand peace in their hearts and in only a short time they will be with the ones they have lost.
 

What a wonderful Stake President! 

Christmas at my house

I went to a SA dinner and came home the winner of this tree! I was so happy.
It was this that got me in the mood to decorate. I'm so thankful!

For some reason I'm attracted to these manly men Santas.
I have to contain myself from getting a new one each year!

Here's a group of singing animals and a little black dog.
I had 3 black dogs growing up, so they remind me of them.

I have a collection of Christmas stuffed animals.
Coco got his mouth on a few this year and made them his chew/throw toy,
but I still have a lot.

There are 4 stocking and only 1 person. 2 are dog paw stockings
and the others are just so cute I couldn't not hang them up!

My friend Terry gave me this BEAUTIFUL amazing gift- this stained glass angel. It was such a shocker to turn around from the computer and see this in front of the tree.
I've left it just where she put it!

My beautiful tree all lit up! I love it!
My home is beautiful. There are a few pictures missing-
another woodland Santa setting, the 3 small lighted green tress and the white colored tree out front, and a lamp and TV decorations. I think this year is the prettiest yet. I wish my house was this pretty all year long.

The Power of Friends

Last 2 nights in Nampa in my cute blue house with 3 bedrooms, new carpet, new kitchen appliances, new bathroom vanity and cabinet mirror. Nampa with family and friends and neighbors near by, and a dog park. Moving to Twin Falls to ugly, 2 bedroom, old kitchen appliances and cabinets, strange carpet and layout, and more rent, but a garage when it snows and a temple that is open, but no friends.

I've been crying a lot lately about this move. Being away from people and the change in houses are my NOW issues. But of course their is also the other eternal stuff. Am I a looser? Why is my life going like this? Why can't I have my righteous desires? Will I ever be with anyone else or just stay single and alone for forever. I've been telling Heavenly Father that if I still have blessings of a husband and children allotted (Alma 29)to me, if it's at all possible, even though I messed things up, can I please have them. Please. I know I'm overweight, and have ugly legs and arms and a fat stomach, but my insides are pretty good most of the time. The being alone is the worry part of my being right now.

I read this earlier today via E-mail. It feels right, so I'm sharing it.

They Teach It at Stanford :

"I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection - the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious. Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality "girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin - a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged - not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. So let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it's very good for our health."

Instead of coming home to my place of boxes, that my mom has been packing I went straight to my friend Beverley's. It's been over a week since I've seen her and we used to call or visit daily. She has 2 dogs too, and a cat. I hung out with her for 2 hours, watching Gray's Anatomy and Dr. Oz and eating apple slices and bagels with melted cheese. When I drove away I felt so good. So filled up. It was so good to hang out and be and talk about men and their diseases. When I read that little email it felt right. Right and good. And then I had an experience with it and it's true. It's really true.

Up Date on Twin

I left Twin Wed night and am back in Nampa. There is no school there today, and C didn't come to school on Tuesday. I spent Tues looking for places to live and came home bummed as nothing seemed to be working out. Places were to small, but affordable, to big and not so affordable with my get out of debt goal, or not thrilled with dogs.

But I found some more options on Wed and places to look when I get back on Sunday. This time I'm sure I'll be staying till Thursday. The company Pro-Active Advantage will be paying for this last week of my stay at the motel 6. That's a relief as I still had to pay Oct rent here! But I need to find someone else - a member of the church to stay with for free. Up date a few hours latter- I found someone! Yahoo!

Then SLC for a wedding!Then back to work with little miss run away who has NO educational IEP goals, just 2 social skill goals. We are only working on one; increasing compliance and decreasing non-compliance. When that happens we will introduce her to other kids her age and hope she will play!

More NEW

I'm totally stressed out. I've been in tears a few times today and yesterday. It's conference weekend, but right after all the sessions I have to be up to Twin Falls, to start my new job for 4 days, then drive to SLC to attend my nephews wedding, then back up to Twin, for another 4 days. During the 8 days in Twin I hope I can find a place to live that is acceptable for me and the dogs. If I do, it's down to Nampa to rent a U-Haul again, pack up and re order my life once again. I've had so many changes in the last 2 years, I'm looking for some easier times ahead.

Shoshone Falls

Just when I'm getting comfortable in Nampa I have to move. I love the place I live. It's perfect for me and for the dogs. The job- not so much- way too much dysfunction- WAY TOO MUCH. I find it impossible to not get involved. The ward- It's OK. I make my self heard in gospel doctrine and relief society. I have a friend- Beverely T. who I speak on the phone with daily and has 2 dogs like me. The Bishop finally (after his talk I'm sure with the Stake President) asked me to speak. Of course there is to much in the way to have that happen (see the above paragraph) You snooze, you loose.(The Perrine Bridge over the Snake River you have to go over to get to Twin)

I gave my resignation notice on wed the 28 over the phone, the letter on the 30, and my last day is Oct 1st. The 3rd will be my second day as I was paid on Thursday the 29th, 16 dollars an hour! Yep, if I'm working with a student age child in school with them, I make 16, If I work outside of school with anyone I make 18 an hour!
What will I be doing, you might ask. Here in Idaho it's called PSR work, which stands for Psycho-social Rehabilitation. I will be working with people with mental illnesses. By law I have 30 months to take classes and a test and then I will be have letters behind my name. CPRP. Certified Psychiatric Rehabilitation Practitioner (I think). Washington State does not use this method at all. When I ask- does this person have a case manager, a state social worker, they don't know what I'm talking about, but many states use this method.

My thoughts during the drive there for the interview were negative, but the interview went amazingly well. Then a temple session and on the way home I was feeling great about it. The next visit- a days work I was realizing how my life has seemed to almost lead up to this. Like it was a path.

1. A college education in human development
2. A practicum at USU at the Bear River Mental Health Day program.
3. A care giving job with people with disabilities and mental illnesses in Bellevue that started my "career" with the DD population.
4. A one on one position with G. at Children's Institute for Learning Differences on Mercer Island in 1999. G was violent- tried to hit me with a large stick and got naked once!
5. The last year of learning the appropriate way to handle conflict and stress maturely.

As much as I've told people I don't like Idaho (for many reasons) I will miss Nampa. I really will. It's starting to feel like home. I know the streets, I love the views of the animals I drive by all the time. It has Costoc and Winco! It has my family! It has a great dog park (which at first I thought was so lame). It has my friends (can you believe that is plural) that I will miss! Twin is just a 2 hour drive to Nampa.

But maybe this will be great! If they get me 40 hours of work, I can get out of debt in about 8 months. It will be a new start, one where I'm not in crisis mode as I was almost 5 months ago.