In other news:
So, a few weeks ago, I was hired by a different company that does the same work as I've been doing only in Twin Falls, which means A LOT less driving and also pays two dollars an hour more. A savings and a gain. But as I went to trainings, I kept walking away thinking and verbalizing to others "What have I done?" This company is annal, micromanages and honestly treats it's employee's like children. During the interveiw I was asked what my current company would say about me. Luckily I had a good Jan-May. Oct to Dec was not good and I was honest about my falling asleep at work. They valued my honesty.
I head to the first day of my job mostly to observe. I saw their summer programs which are located in 3 portables. I see the HS program, the elementary program, and the middle school program. During the middle school program they put a movie in, turned off the lights and I fell asleep(I did this in a theater too). The head person there, takes a picture of me and sends it to the boss. Strike 1. At the end of the day, I speak with my trainer and complain a little about all the extra things that this company requires and is annal about that I know that all other companies in the area do not do. The next day I show up on time and in 15 minutes am back home with a check to put in the bank. Yep I was fired. I didn't protest, but said OK, took the check and left. Was I sad? Yes, oh yes. Did I realize what I had done? Yes. Oh, my life would of been so much better off financially and I could of taken months of my get out of debt plan.
I immediately enter depressed, distraught, anger, faithless mode. How could heavenly Father do this to me, I thought. Nothing is matching up- the dichotomy of my patriarchal blessing and my life is a 180. How much does He expect me to go through? I realize I did this to myself. I can't take much more and really need to be thrown a bone.
I was back at that place where I had been earlier in my life, where I wanted to throw rocks at God. Ridiculous visual, huh? Paleeeeese! I did not think him keeping me single was kind, merciful or just and I demanded my blessings NOW! Yes, I was like a two year old throwing a tantrum and every good parent knows to walk away and not give them any attention. God is the best parent of all so he did not listen or condemn.
I did however get out of it. I because happy with being single- something I did not want. I wanted to be happy married, not single. But I did finally get happy. How did I do it? I think this is how:
I had been taught at institute to study the scripture looking for the qualities and attributes of the Godhead as described in Lectures on Faith. I had marked those 12 qualities and attributes and many more in many sets of scriptures with a specific color for a decade at least. Doing this is suppose to make your faith grow in God and His Son. Also, I had been collecting my blessings, by having them recorded, transcribed, etc. As the years increased I had a total of 17 promises of marriage and family and I began to believe in my evidences that could not be seen, at the same time being OK with it not happening in this life. Another strange dichotomy. Hebrews 11:1, Helaman 5: 50
I'm driving to my mom's house and the thought comes to me about Abraham and Sarah. I had always puzzled at Abraham going to sacrafice Isaac because:
1. He himself was on an altar ready to be sacrificed but was rescued by Jehovah (Abraham 1:7, 12, 16)
2. He had been so faithful in waiting for Isaac to be born- a long hard wait- that in and of itself a trial of faith and the promised birthright son had come and in him was all the blessings and covenants going to be fulfilled.
I learned a few years ago, (pre-Jason) how and why Abraham could have that kind of faith.
1. Abraham KNEW GOD, spoke with him face to face (Abraham 3:11), and he trusted him.
2. Abraham had seen his day (John 8:56) and knew that God was able to raise him from the dead (Hebrews 11: 17-19
3. Abraham himself had been rescued, perhaps Isaac would be rescued too. (speculation)
I knew that I could not put time limits on God either. I would need to trust in his timing, just as Neal A. Maxwell had said was included with faith.
Perhaps my ram in the thicket will come, perhaps not. Perhaps I, like the early saints need to be tried even as Abraham. (D&C 101:4) The faithful become the seed of Abraham (D&C 138: 41) and I want the Celestial Kingdom, so I am working on waiting on the Lord and having faith. In the mean time, regardless of what happens, if I become a wife and mother in this life or not I have a plan. It is a traveling plan based on my love of animals. I'm hoping this will give me some motivation to not spend.
I want to go to:
1. The Okaniwa Acquarium to see Whale Sharks
2. The Guadalapos Island to see these:
3. Australia to see some of these creatures.