I thought I wrote one about my anti new years resolutions, but I can't find it. I had a word: HOPE, I had miracles I was going to pray for: 1. temple marriage, 2. babies, 3. Family members to come back to the gospel and 4. financial relief.
The truth of the matter is I'm a slacker. The prayers lasted for a while and sometimes they still pop up. I for sure worry about # 1,2 and 4, but sometimes I still wonder what I should pray for. Here's some thoughts: What should I do with my life? What should I become (I need a new career)? Should I even worry about marriage or babies? What does HEAVENLY FATHER want me to do with my life? I still struggle with reading the scriptures at night and praying. I should remember all the scripture quotes I 'pin', but I don't because I'm not in them as much. When I am in the scriptures my outlook is better.
Last night I read a few blog posts from C Jane Enjoy It about divorce, infertility, and depression. I posted some quotes of what I liked on my quote blog. Before I turned out the lights I got my March 2012 Ensign and reviewed this article about moving on and moving forward that I love and have marked and then I read the VT message. I started to feel again that "you are less than" feeling, that my testimony isn't as strong as it used to be, that I'm not as valuable a sister as others or as I used to be. When I turned off the light I cried. I don't do that as much anymore, but sometimes I feel like that.
I think I felt it this past week more as the possibility of loosing my job came on Monday night. I got overly involved with a clients life and her now ex-boy friend and the mom didn't appreciate me going to get his cat back, so she fired me. Which means I had to call the boss and tell him. This would be the 3 strikes your out possibility. The first two were over falling asleep and being late and falling asleep and a few other minor problems. My boss is LDS, he has been a bishop and I hate that I wowed them in the interview, but now it's been disappointment after disappointment. What will I do? Where can I get a job that makes as much money as I do now? I got my taxes back. I so don't want to use it to survive, but to pay off bills! I still don't know if it's for real yet. I've let a few people know it's a possibility and I may not be coming back on Monday, but I may get off by the skin of my teeth. But I just hate knowing that people do not think I'm worth it or they are humoring me until that last shoe finally falls.
|This is the cool LDS church the conference was in.|