2. I have the right to put myself first.*
3. I have the right to be safe.
4. I have the right to love and be loved.
5. I have the right to be treated with respect.
6. I have the right to be human- not perfect.
7. I have the right to be angry and protest if I am treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
8. I have the right to my own privacy.
9. I have the right to my own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
10. I have the right to earn and control my own money.
11. I have the right to ask questions about anything that affects my life.
12. I have the right to make decisions that affect me.
13. I have the right to grow and change, and that includes changing my mind.
14. I have the right to say NO
15. I have the right to make mistakes
16. I have the right not to be responsible for other adults' problems and feelings.
17. I have the right not to be liked by everyone.
18. I have the right to control my own life and to change it if I am not happy with it as it is.
*This 2nd right may seem to be selfish. However, it does not mean not considering others or taking the last crust of bread from your children. It does mean that you must love and respect yourself first before you can, with a healthy balance, give of yourself to others in the most effective way.
This is something we got the second night of the pattern changing class. It's on my bedroom wall and sometimes I have to remind myself of these. It's helped so much. For instance I was reading a blog about Visiting Teaching and how one woman said something that hurt another woman and she asked to have a new VT. The woman who got 'fired' was all worried and spoke to the Relief Society President about it. So many women left comments about similar experiences, but because of this knowledge, my comment didn't flow in the same vein as the others. Instead I shared right # 17. I could of just as well told her about # 16. Those rights could of ceased her worrying. She could of just let it go not letting it stress her out or feel bad. I'm finding so many things that could be of no concern with just these 2 rights.
Take for instance a column on Meridian Magazine that basically stirs up issues we face in Mormon land. Issues such as complaining about teenagers wearing formal attire in church mtgs, is the priesthood a moving company, the same people being called to leadership callings. While everyone has their opinions about it does it really matter? Is it really that big of an issue? Can you just let it go?
It's helped with work and the dysfunctional people I take care of. I have become so involved in the past by solving problems, spending money, researching solutions, being a mediator and a guide, giving suggestions. Those are all good things, but it is suppose to be a professional relationship. The boundaries I'm learning and right # 16 has helped me take a step back and just let be what is. It's not my home, my children, my problems and regardless of what I say or do, I don't have to do anything but my job. I don't have to take it on my shoulders and try to fix it all. I don't have to be responsible for other adults problems and feelings.
It could help with a mom who has taken no time for her self for years to not feel guilty when she finally does do something just for her. She can put herself first (#2). In fact we are encouraged in our class to give ourselves a gift weekly. I'm not talking about buying yourself something, but letting yourself take a nap, read a good book, go swimming at the lake, call a friend. It could be a purchase too, like buying yourself flowers, or a new pair of shoes you've been wanting. The whole idea is to take care of yourself! It's even better if you can do it a few times a week or even daily.
We talked about these in class last Thursday again and how when we don't do do these things it's like were high school students getting in everyone's business, handling things with contempt, getting our feelings hurt, hurting others feelings, over reacting, etc. So many problems at home and in nations would be solved if we just lived these rights and let others live them too. They are everyone's rights. The only thing our teacher tells us is these rights and boundaries will not work with a batterer. If fact he/she may become more dangerous. It only works with emotionally healthy people.