Thursday, June 21, 2012

Dating Night Mare and the non- SA program.

(Previous to any of this happening, I got the idea to see the Stake President about the pathetic SA program in the area, educate him about what it could be, by showing his examples of other area) 

He was 64 and not a lawyer, but did have a PHD.  Yep- old enough to be my father.  He has a son who is 37.  To bad he's not active and hates the church because I should be dating him!  We went to a Chinese buffet and he proceeded to tell me why he wanted to go out with me- to tell me how to get a man and start having kids ASAP.

1. Ward hop.  Go up to a RS sister and ask if there are any SA men in the ward and if so could you please introduce them to me. If not give her my phone number and say  if you know of anyone please call me.
2. When I go meet them, strike up a conversation, make a connection with touch too, open myself up for a date.
3. If a man asks for a kiss on the first date do it.  He won't ask me out again if I say no.
4. If a man asks if I like sex I'm suppose to say I LOVE IT!
5. I should snuggle up to men I've never met during dances and get real close.

The whole thing was- he didn't just tell me- he showed me.  Yep- you got it, rubbing my back, my neck, my arms.  he wanted a hug, a snuggle like a dance, etc.  he told me they reason he's touching me is because of 3 reasons: 1. I need it.  2. He needs it and 3. He's showing me how it's done.  He uses a quote from Elder Scott about touching is bad when single under or on closes if it's those important parts.  He tells me all else is fine.  A little strange coming from someone I don't know at all.

Oh, he's been married 3 times.  That number shouldn't scare me- I was wife number 5.  He proceeded to tell me that 80% of divorces in the LDS church are done by women.  Our YM have been told that sex is bad.  They don't organism. (I explained that the Pew Forum says the exact opposite.)  They feel good nursing, so the baby becomes more important then the man and so on through the children.  Pretty soon, the house, the furniture, the carpet becomes more important than the man and the only thing left is the garbage and ya put that out.   He tells me I need to get the book The Act of Marriage which can be found at Deseret Book.  He just assumes I don't like or have not had good experiences in bed.  I tell him yes I have.  He disagrees.  I have told him NOTHING about my sex life, so I don't know where this idea is coming from.  I explain that OH YES I SURE DO KNOW A LOT WHEN IT COMES TO THE BEDROOM.

 I ask what about those Dr. Jackel and Mr. Hyde types.  He tells me at my age I have to take risks. He'll call me in a month when he's back in town for work and to call him if I have any questions. 

I'm left just weirded out!  Usually a date is about 2 people getting to know each other, not one of them telling the other how to find someone so they can multiply and replenish. Do I listen to his advice?  Take some of it and ward hop? Forget it and trust the Lord?  People on FB say to run like the wind.  I call a few friends and tell them the story.  I realize the next morning that what he did was disturb my peace and happiness which I had to fight for his last year and finally got it through just giving it to the Lord.  Just thinking about it gives me the shivers!  UGGG! 

What makes it worse is this:  Sunday an Elder Cook of the 12 was here for the west stake. I am not part of that stake, but went anyway to the Saturday adult session.  A bunch of single girls were sitting in the row ahead of me and I talked to them.  They are in a ward that is like 25 to 35.  They invite me to go the pizza party at the bishops house afterwords.  I go.  I'm hoping to see a lot of hot men to motivate me to exercise.  Lets just say I haven't exercised.  These men were HUGE.  Some of the people - the skinny ones- had kids. This ward has a nursery. 

I talk to the bishop about my age-ya I'm getting up there.  He hates having to tell the members gotta go to the family ward.  He does no tell them about the SA stuff which is mainly filled with senior citizens.   Ya, it's shocking, but that's what one has to deal with when one turns 31.  He invited me to his FHE, but I have my own.  He needs to find out what to do about his ward since the new handbook says nothing about about a 25 and up ward.  First I've heard of it.  

So their are a few pretty women, mostly size 14.  One size 5.  The men here should know about her, so they don't have to drive 7 hours to see their girl friend. This all depresses me, then the date.  

Next we have a dilemma in the Magic Valley SA FB page.  There is no LDS and no LDS people can find us. A change is made a an older women who never says anything says something- we can't do it- handbooks says no.  THAT IS LUDICROUS!   So the name was changed over and over again with in a 1/2 hour.  It was one lady who thought that we couldn't do that because of what the church has said. Of course she is wrong. I respond with some explanation of what the new handbook says, saying the twin towers have not fallen.  I said some other choice things and feel terrible because it hurt someone's feelings.  

So all these things added up and I got really upset and at times still am.  If the program was running like it was suppose to, none of this would would be happening. 


Christy Jones said...

Becky, That is tough! That guy you went out with is obviously a pervert! Who talks about Sex on the first date? I would have got up and walked out on him, that is something very private and it is not his business. Also any real relationship is not based on the physical. Its more about the respect and admiration that you have for each other. I knew Ryan for TWO YEARS before we kissed for the first time, its wonderful to know that your husband loves you not your body! I really don't agree with any of the advice he gave you. If you want something substantial it is best to seek a freindship. Friendships last! As for the SA program, I would just go somewhere else or start looking online. All areas and wards are differn't and if it doesn't fit what you want then you have the choice to do something different.

chococatania said...

:( :( :( I'm sorry that you are going through this. I, too had to go through the single life recently, and it is hard in the LDS world. All I can say is hang in there. :)

My Bishop, when I was divorced, would remind me of the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 41:1 - "Hearken and hear, O ye my people, saith the Lord and your God, ye whom I delight to bless with the greatest of all blessings, ..." - The Lord not only loves you and each of us, but loves to bless us with His best blessings.

Anyways, I hope things start going better. :)