Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Moment of Pure Joy

Wednesday at the dog park I had a moment of pure joy. There I was in Seattle on the shore of Lake Washington with a bunch of dogs swimming after balls. I had Tucker, a while lab there for the first time. I love the water and I love dogs, so it was extra special. I looked up into the sky and either for real or in my head I spread my arms out to take it all in. It's such a wonderful experience to be doing something I really love, not just enjoy, but love!

I felt like that when thinking about starting my dog walking business. More JOY, over and over again. I was so happy that first week or so. I wondered if I'd ever been that happy in my life. I couldn't remember a time at all. Maybe I felt more joy as a very young child, but I just don't remember.

Joy for me, sometimes even happiness is hard to come by, due to depression. I think it's funny that the joy I felt was not over the usual things we think of when we think of joy, like family and the gospel.

I've heard that when one is having a baby- the moment of the baby coming, the moments after the baby comes there is pure joy. I've been thinking for the last few years of asking someone if I can be there at the birth of their baby just for the experience, just in case I never have that opportunity to give birth myself. But I've never asked and as some one told me- it's a personal experience. It's even crossed my mind to be a surrogate mother, to carry a child for someone who can't. It would be part selfish for me. To know what it was like to have a baby kick inside you, to give birth to life. I never could let a child go that came from my egg. I think I'd even have huge difficulties letting go of a child that was only using my womb, which came from someone else’s egg and sperm. But what I feeling of doing something for someone else. If I could I'd do it over and over again, I would. I already have a few names I'd do it for. Wouldn't that be great? I’d just be a baby machine.

Elder Oaks said this about joy: There is no fullness of joy in the next life with out a family unit, including a husband, a wife, and posterity.

When I play mommy, I sometimes question that quote. I've been going a little crazy these past few days with these kids never picking up after them selves.

In this reading of The Book of Mormon I've been coloring in dark red the whole word JOY. Here are a few verses from 3rd Nephi, a book of great joy, because the Savior Jesus Christ came.

10:10 And the earth did cleave together again, that it stood; and the mourning and the weeping, and the wailing of the people who were spared alive did cease; and their mourning was turned into JOY, and their lamentations into the praise and thanksgiving unto the Lord Jesus Christ, their Redeemer.

17:17 And no tounge can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the JOY which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father.

27:30 And now, behold, my JOY is great, even unto fulness, because of you, and also this generation; yea, and even the Father rejoiceth, and also all the holy angels, because of you and this generation; for none of them are lost.

28:10 And for this cause ye shall have fulness of JOY; and ye shall sit down in the kingdom of my Father; yea, your joy shall be full, even as the Father hath given me fulness of JOY and ye shall be even as I am……..

The Savior told us what makes him feel joy and that he feels it because of us and our missionary work. Can you imagine being told I have joy because of YOU. Can you imagine your mourning turning into joy? Can you imagine the Savior praying for you? Can you imagine the Father and angels having joy over you? Can you imagine sitting down with him in His kingdom? I can’t even imagine that much joy, as 1 Corinthains 2:9. I can’t imagine joy going on and on never stopping. WOW! That would 'exceed my grandest expectation'. Some day that will happen. I will hope for that.

There must be dogs there!

No comments: