I've always wanted to do something great, to be someone great. I have lots of great friends. Friends (like Annette and Laurel) who have published books, have CD talks out or offer themselves to a world that needs to hear what they have to say. I have other friends too (like Ann and Janea) who are great on a smaller scale- not book, or CD's, but people- LOTS and LOTS of people. But when I think of my friends in life- roommates from college, friends from single adult days and even friends now who are married( like Bobbie or Loha), I wish I could be more like them or at least more unique like me so what I have to offer matters. Really matters in this life.
During my dark days of singleness I remember thinking if your not a wife and a mother, what are you? What have you given? The answer was nothing and to me it meant that I had nothing to give hence why I wasn't having that blessing happen. Yet I also contradicted those thoughts with 'I'm not that ugly, I'm righteous, I KNOW the scripture, I serve, I'm a good person, I have righteous desires and they are cute and young and dumb and prettier or thinner than me and that's why they get what they have not grieved over.
Lucikly before I got married I got over it and just enjoyed my life, but now that I'm married, I see that it is not about married status at all. It was solely about you! I didn't have to shame myself or be prideful at all. It is about who you ARE and who you are BECOMING.
It's about what this quote says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.”
I had a blessing once that said the same thing essentially. "I have a personality that delights men and women and it does not serve me well when I hide it."
I've always wanted to be old. I grew up with to many old people- my parents and my siblings, and I knew that older was better. Life lessons were learned- you just lived. Mistake had already been made and you just watched others make mistakes.There was less to worry about it seems. I wanted and still sometimes want to be over with the mistakes, and the worry and the becoming and just BE, just live.
I know what my patriarchal blessing says.
- "Great ladies of my time as I teach and give direction"
- "greater understanding of life"
- "Many people will gather around you and call you blessed"
- "having the spiritual and temporal needs to help those who come to my door"
- "Helping those who are less fortunate than me"
What started all of this you probably didn't ask yourself. Well here's the quote that did.