My Heart and a Bishop

Remember this post? I realized latter that it was a loss, hence why the huge anger and tears. I lost a place to go for help, a possible supporter, a confidante, the Lords voice. I've always had that. Never had I felt like I did then about a bishop.

Today I went to see my new bishop. What a difference. He knew I needed to speak to him, before I even asked (it's not hard when you're crying all through sacrament mtg). He prayed before hand the most beautiful complete prayer. He listened, he asked questions, he spoke words of comfort. Oh I wanted to praise his name to the Lord, to praise the Lord.

He asked first about my childhood, what kind of family life I had. He asked about my mission. Elder Gardner came up. Turns out I did the right things. I wasn't as bad as I thought.

I told him about my marriage, about how things are now and about my finances. These are some of the things he said:

The Spirit tells me your a good person. I'm here as the Savior. I take that seriously. I'm here to help you get to happy again.

The Spirit tells me the Lord loves you. He knows exactly what you're going through. This is a trial, a trial of your faith.

Something that everyone else out there has experiences just like this, or a family member that has so close to this.

You'll be stronger because of this. You'll look back and understand why you had to go through this.

Maybe you're here to help me, or I'm here to help you.

You will have an opportunity in the future to marry again, I don't know when or with who, I haven't felt anything about that.

Let's talk some more.

Counseling may be something we can do.

Oh, what a difference! What a relief. I know I am in good hands. Really good hands.
I must of needed to move here for him! He had me end in prayer. I thanked the Lord for him.

OOOPPPPS! Car Crash!

Yep- I got in a car accident. It was really a fender bender. It was sort of my fault. The my fault part was staying to long on the internet Thursday morning after not having the internet for a month at my house, so I was anxious to get to my job FASTER, so I wouldn't be late. HAHA! I drive 42 miles to work. It's a straight shot most of the way through farm land, rocks and sage brush. There is usually no one on the street, but there was that morning.

Here you can see the bent bar above the radiator.
That bar goes around the whole square of the engine.

The someone else fault's was a car/truck 3 or 4 cars ahead of me stopping to turn, not just turn, but stopping, so all the drivers put on the breaks! I was going to fast, tried to miss the van ahead of me, especially the other head light that just got fixed two days previous! But it was the van or a ditch. I went for the van.

The lady in the other car insisted she call the cops. Oh- what a waste of time and money for me. She had never been in a car accident before. So I got a 85$ ticket. What good is calling the cops? Can anyone tell me.? I mean, we could of taken care of it ourselves with our insurance agencies. It was of no benefit to her and to me. ARRRGGGG! Her van only had a 5 in crack on the bumper that DID NOT go all the way through. It was superficial. But the car was a 2010, so they will replace it.

You might be able to tell that the FRAME was bent in the whole ordeal!
Ya- the frame- you know that part that everything else is built on top of.

Of course I didn't know that until I drove it to work after the accident. The cop asked me twice if I needed a tow. Even if I did I wouldn't of gotten on. I would of called some body and had them drag my car home. I can't afford a tow truck! I knew the car still worked and that I could take it to the shop teacher and the boys and they could tell me if they could help me fix it. They could do a few things. But that frame and bar was beyond their skills. The teacher gave me a recommendation for a fix it guy who specializes in frames. He priced it at 900 to do the whole thing. Not a bad price. I can't afford it, but it's cheaper than a car payment which I can't afford even more!

Like the duck tape job? That is curtsey of the HS shop kids.
Good idea I thought. The light does still work.

The fun part is on the way home, I got a speeding ticket for 85$ as well. Different cop, different town. I was in a school zone and going 20 miles over. My car was on empty and there was a gas station just a block away. The cop was nice and on the ticket didn't mention I was in a school zone and only put that I was only going 15 over. He saved me over a hundred dollars.
It was a nightmare day. Lots of tears.

oh ya, here's another piece of info- the engine is new, and the car is only worth 1772.00!

The Power of Friends

Last 2 nights in Nampa in my cute blue house with 3 bedrooms, new carpet, new kitchen appliances, new bathroom vanity and cabinet mirror. Nampa with family and friends and neighbors near by, and a dog park. Moving to Twin Falls to ugly, 2 bedroom, old kitchen appliances and cabinets, strange carpet and layout, and more rent, but a garage when it snows and a temple that is open, but no friends.

I've been crying a lot lately about this move. Being away from people and the change in houses are my NOW issues. But of course their is also the other eternal stuff. Am I a looser? Why is my life going like this? Why can't I have my righteous desires? Will I ever be with anyone else or just stay single and alone for forever. I've been telling Heavenly Father that if I still have blessings of a husband and children allotted (Alma 29)to me, if it's at all possible, even though I messed things up, can I please have them. Please. I know I'm overweight, and have ugly legs and arms and a fat stomach, but my insides are pretty good most of the time. The being alone is the worry part of my being right now.

I read this earlier today via E-mail. It feels right, so I'm sharing it.

They Teach It at Stanford :

"I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection - the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious. Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality "girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin - a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged - not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. So let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it's very good for our health."

Instead of coming home to my place of boxes, that my mom has been packing I went straight to my friend Beverley's. It's been over a week since I've seen her and we used to call or visit daily. She has 2 dogs too, and a cat. I hung out with her for 2 hours, watching Gray's Anatomy and Dr. Oz and eating apple slices and bagels with melted cheese. When I drove away I felt so good. So filled up. It was so good to hang out and be and talk about men and their diseases. When I read that little email it felt right. Right and good. And then I had an experience with it and it's true. It's really true.

The Bible and The Book of Mormon

S.E.E.D. (an experiment)

Did you know there are TWO invitations and tests in The Book of Mormon to find out if anything, especially spiritual things like the Book of Mormon is true. We of course know there is Moroni 10:3-5:

Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how ^amerciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ^bponder it in your ^chearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ^aask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not ^btrue; and if ye shall ask with a ^csincere heart, with ^dreal intent, having ^efaith in Christ, he will ^fmanifest the ^gtruth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may ^aknow the ^btruth of all things.

But at Alma 32 give us another one and it is for faith and probably many other things we want to find the truth of. This one is for those scientific types. This one actually follows the scientific method basic's of a hypothesis, an experiment, analyzing the data, etc.

The questions: Are these things true? Should I believe?
Background: You need to study and read and find out as much as possible.
Hypothesis: The Book of Mormon is true because it helps me SEE and D.
Test: Plant the seed in your heart(notice it's not your head)
Annalyze that data: Does it do these things that are explained below?
Communicate results: This is what happened to me. It can happen to you. (why we send missionaries out and share our faith with our neighbors)

Here is the invitation:
27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than ^adesire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

28 Now, we will compare the word unto a ^aseed. Now, if ye give place, that a ^bseed may be planted in your ^cheart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your ^dunbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

Do you see the SEED? If the seed is good and you have not cast it out by unbelief or resisted the Spirit it will

Swell within your breasts,
Enlarge your soul,
Enlighten your understanding and becomes
Delicious to you!

The Book of Mormon does that for me every time I read it- EVERY TIME!

The goal of planting a seed is to get a tree and get fruit!

What's so great about Alma 32 and this experiment is that it tells us the seed will die if we do not nourish it.

37 And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.

38 But if ye ^aneglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ^aground is ^bbarren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the ^atree of life.

41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with ^apatience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree ^bspringing up unto everlasting life.

42 And because of your ^adiligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the ^bfruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

I have tasted the fruit and it is sweet above all that is sweet and pure above all that is pure.
It is delicious to me.
Of this I testify.

Dog Swim Party

This is a park near my home with a swimming pool. On the last Saturday of August it hosted a dog swim and stroll party. Only dogs could swim. They had 2 life guards there too.

It cost 10$ for the dog to swim, 10$ for the T-shirt. All money benefits the Nampa dog park.

Coco loves to swim. He would swim (not just at a party) all the time at the dog park on Mercer Island on the shore of Lake Washington. He doesn't get to do that as much, although I've taken him to Lake Lowell here, which is a man made irrigation fed lake that can get gross.

It was just so fun to see this in a swimming pool. It was fun to see the dogs get each others balls, dogs get on the Island and bark at the other dogs swimming by, to watch the dogs try for the courage to jump in the water- putting a paw out as if they could walk on the water. At one point I pushed Coco into the deep end. He went all the way under and came back up. I think that's his second time doing that. This summer I've been making Parker swim at the lake here, but it's not something he chooses to do, so didn't pay for him, but he walked around, going in the bathrooms, hiding beside a lady in a wheel chair.

There is also vendors outside the pool area. Some giving away treats and small bags of dog food. They had a raffle and my friend Beverley won 200$ in prizes including a LARGE bag of Science Diet Dog food. Parker and I participated in a look a like contest. I stuck out my tonge like he does and went on stage and told everyone about him. I so wanted to win, but didn't. If we do it next year I'm going to dress in black and white and WIN. A little girl had her dog dressed just like her with a green shirt and jeans. The jeans kept falling off the little dog. She got 2nd place I think.

Shelters or the Humane society had adoptable dogs for just 25$.

I got there, took these 4 pictures and promptly dropped my brand new camera in the water. The nice man next to me got it out, but it was ruined! Luckily I still had my phone camera.

Up Date on Twin

I left Twin Wed night and am back in Nampa. There is no school there today, and C didn't come to school on Tuesday. I spent Tues looking for places to live and came home bummed as nothing seemed to be working out. Places were to small, but affordable, to big and not so affordable with my get out of debt goal, or not thrilled with dogs.

But I found some more options on Wed and places to look when I get back on Sunday. This time I'm sure I'll be staying till Thursday. The company Pro-Active Advantage will be paying for this last week of my stay at the motel 6. That's a relief as I still had to pay Oct rent here! But I need to find someone else - a member of the church to stay with for free. Up date a few hours latter- I found someone! Yahoo!

Then SLC for a wedding!Then back to work with little miss run away who has NO educational IEP goals, just 2 social skill goals. We are only working on one; increasing compliance and decreasing non-compliance. When that happens we will introduce her to other kids her age and hope she will play!