Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas or Bah Humbug??

 

Missy Moo's Marriage

Dec 20th 2008 was my nieces wedding day in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple in American Fork Utah. Snow was covering the ground and more was coming down, but it was a great day. Melissa was so happy and excited afterwords that I had to tell her to save some energy for that night (honeymoon activities). Melissa looked beautiful in her dress and had 6 pink bridesmiads. She married John Bell, the 8th of 10 children. John's mission president from Brazil is a sealer and was able to perform the sealing. That was really special. My oldest sister Beth made the dress and mom and I did the bussle. I have helped all my nieces who have gotten married bussle their dress. First Heidi's and now Melissa's. I think I need to make it a tradition. Mom was able to get a 4 generation picture with Cindy, Brian and Elliana (just 1 month old) Mom was able to see 3 of her 4 brothers and a cousin. We had lots of time to talk and as I got in bed that night I said to Mom : "Today was a fun day." It really was.

Throwing the bouquet. At the last few weddings I’ve been avoiding that ritual like the plague, but this time, this wedding, I decided to turn over a new leaf: no inappropriate comments about sex, or attention drawn to myself. I joined the crowd of would be flower catchers which consisted of little girls under the age of 10 and teenage girls, most of whom were the pink bridesmaids. I told the pink girls that I was 36 and single and asked them who should be the one to catch it. They all agreed it should be ME. But Melissa did it differently and I like the change! Instead of throwing one bunch of flowers, Miss undid the ribbon and when she threw it, the flowers went every where; so many girls caught a flower. I and my niece Jessica caught one each, as shown in the picture, and some of the little girls too. One 3 year old didn’t and she threw herself, full body, face first on the carpeted floor almost instantly. It was straight from a sitcom. She didn’t cry, but was obviously disappointed. It wasn’t until much latter that I realized that none of the bridesmaids got one. I’m unsure if it was because of proximity of flowers or because I intimated them out of even trying. But rest assured girls- you’ll get married- you won’t be like me. There are many bouquet catching opportunities ahead in your futures.

All mine

There are a few quotes in this world that are ALL MINE! No body came up with them but me. Here they are. The first one came to me just today. (I'm so proud!)

1. It's all fun and games until somebody has to go to therapy!
2. Life sucks and then you die and that's coming from someone who believes in the resurrection.
3. There's 3 ways into the single adult program and 2 ways out. The 3 ways in? Never marry, get divorced, or loose a spouse. The 2 ways out? Death or matrimony. I suppose the type of marriage you have depends on what the best way out is!

Yes, I know that the first 2 I've just added to, but you got to admit, there good! The last one is all mine and I can't believe no one else has thought of it.

Sam

I've written on my blog a few times about my Basset Hound Sam. Well, 2 days after thanksgiving I had him put down. He was miserable and could barely get himself up, with his one leg, stomach, penis, testicles all swollen. He was also skin and bones. You could see his ribs. He only weighed 44 LBS and when I got him it was more like
65 LBS.

Oh, it was hard. I agonized for weeks about it, often sobbing. I'd make up my mind to do it, and then come home to him and just couldn't. He kept going down hill and his personality kept waining with each day. He still wanted to be a dog, to go on walks, to visit his dog friend Jackie, down the street, but he just couldn't. So, twice I took him to the Humane Society of Seattle, that is just a mile from us, to be put to sleep. Well, the first day they weren't doing it. I cried picking him up, placing him in the car and then when I brought him home I cried again. I had spent the whole morning with him.

The next day it really happened. One minute your looking into those big brown eyes that just love you, wishing you could make it better for him, and keep him and then they bring him out in a towel still warm, but not breathing.

My home teacher had dug the grave the week before, so I drove the car down to the grave, placed him in there and mom and I covered him up.

I did some nice things for Sam before he had to go, like taking him around in a wheel barrow around the neighborhood, for one of his last walks and driving him to see Jackie, a bigger dog. The 2 of them love each other. Jackie never comes out when It's raining, but when she saw Sam she did and when Sam saw her, his tail just went in circles. That's the happiest wag for him.

I took lots of pictures that last week and when I got them back I could see how sick he really was. Perhaps I should of put him out of his misery earlier, but my heart just couldn't do it. Here are some sick pictures and some healthy ones. I love that dog. We had a special relationship, we really did. I will miss so many things about him.

I will miss: him barking and barking when I come home. When I come home and he's out side and I go on the deck and call for him. He looks up and barks and just runs to come inside to see me. I will miss watching him run. His mouth, ears, and neck flopps and it can be really beautiful, like a ballet. He bounces and can be quite agile chasing after squarals and then when he realises he's not going to get him swirve still in a run. You'd think a dog built like that couldn't go it. I will miss watching him get up on the couch. I will miss him spreading his whole body out width wise on the bed, so I have no room to sleep. I will miss him moving to my pillow and space, so he can be closer to my smell, when I get up in the morning. I will miss the spirts he went through preteneding he can't climb the stairs to get to my bed. I'd have to get him started by placing his front feet and the first step and then coaxing him up. He's so silly! I will miss him barking at me when I was on the compture, because he wanted my attention. He finally just came and laid in the room with me. I will miss him laying on his back, belly up, with his tail thumping asking for a rub, which he wanted constantly. I will miss him snuggling up to pillows and to people. I will miss the ways he laid down; like a jelly bean, like a rug with legs stuck out both ways. I will miss him dripping water from his ears after he drank, because his ears always got in the bowl too. I will miss him putting his mouth completely to the floor and barking to let us know he wanted outside. I will miss him demanding people food every night and then realizing when he wasn't going to get it, go eat his dog food. I will miss taking his ears and rolling them up, or makeing them like a burrito, or scrunching them up, or grabbing them with his skin under his neck and talking to him. I will miss doing that and him pulling away because he wants to go outside, not attention. I will miss that he wants to be friends with everyone. I will miss that he let me pick him up and hug him how ever I wanted. I will miss that I could roll him over on his other side with his legs. I will miss him letting me clean out his ears. I will miss watching him lift his leg to pee, even though his penis was the closest thing to the ground besides his feet. I will miss him them taking his usual step and his foot landing right in his pee puddle. I will miss him coming to see where I am when I'm in the shower or the bathroom and him laying down waiting for me outside the door, or in the room. I will miss when I get out and he knows I'm going to the next bathroom so he heads there before I make it.I will miss him laying on his back, with his legs in the air and his body all twisted like an S on the couch. I will not miss him getting into the garbage, opening up cubbords with his nose, or getting stuff off the cubbards to find food to eat. I will miss all the noises he makes- he talks. I will just miss hugging him. That's a lot of missing. I miss you Sammy!

The Black Nativity

These are pictures of pictures of one of the coolest Christmas celebrations I've been to. It's called the Black Nativity and is in the Intamen theater at Seattle Center. The McOmbers took me and it was GREAT music and dancing. We got up and danced, wiggled and laughed. It's the story of Christ's birth from the black people's perspective. I highly recommend this. I wish I could of taped the whole thing. What's so funny is they served fried chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw and roles after the show! Fit's, doesn't it!

McOmber Family

This cute little blond with her mom is Heather. (almost 8)

She loves to dress up, put makeup on her brothers, play tea party, travel, and laugh.

This is Gregory. (15)

He's autistic and doesn't speak. He uses sign and body language to communicate. He likes hanging out in his room naked, cars, smelling hair and skin, watching the same movie over and over again, eating potato chips, toast, fruit loop cereal, and McDonald french fries.

He's the reason I even have this job and get to hang with the whole family.

This is Justin. (12)

We call him Bust, because well, he's always busting something-

like that wound on his left eye brow.

He's into playing video games with Christian, his trumpet, FOOTBALL, getting out of work, and giving me a hard time.

Christian as a New Zealand Warrior! (16)Pretty Studley!

He plays football, likes girls, is going to BCC, and works out with his dad.

Sorry. No Dad picture yet.

S.O.D.A.

SODA stands for Save Our Dave Areas. I belong to this group and today 12/13/08 spent 90 minutes picking up poop at Marrymore Park in Redmond. Those in the Dog Walkers Association come the 2nd Sat of every month at the "poop scoop". There's a lot of poop to pick up and it can get pretty gross. I don't have any pictures of that. I know your thankful. As a member of the Association I pay 30 dollars a month to run my business there. Most venders pay $5000 a month to work there, but they give all of us a deal and we donate our money to SODA and help clean up.

With the money collected SODA buys "hog fuel" to re-path the paths in the fall so it's ready for winter. It takes 3 saturdays to finish the piles which cost $800 each. We buy 24! It's really fun. Lots of people are there, with their dogs. I took pictures the last saturday.

Prophets in the Land

In my last blog I discussed all the things I've been thinking about and dealing with. Believe me when I say I was really stressed out with the all issues that could effect the future of America. Scripture studying took a back seat, as I spent too many nights up till 12 reading. Then I saw my General Conference edition of the Ensign, our church magazine for adults. I felt guilty for hardly picking it up except for looking at the pictures. But on Saturday night, I went babysitting. (Yes, I still do what I did at the age of 12.) I brought my magazine along instead a book, and after the girls went to bed I got down to reading. I read 13 talks.

When I watched and listened to Conference in October, as it was happening, what struck me was that there was nothing said about finances or getting your house in order. They had been saying that for years, especially the last 5. But as the bank crisis happened just a week or two before this, it was too late and it's not like they are going to say "we told you so!" Instead the message I got then was Hope and Unity. Basically, things are bad right now, but have hope and help each other. With all my thoughts and the turmoil of the world, it just felt like something was missing. Maybe they just picked the same old topic's as before. But after reading..... Well, my mind was changed.

That night I learned these talks were specifically for our day.

Consider Robert D. Hales talk Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship. This talk is about how to handle persecution. We often want to "put up our dukes", when those in the great and spacious building are mocking and pointing fingers, but we need to handle our accusers in the Saviors way. He spoke of 6 ways that true disciples handle conflict.

This was perfect! We didn't know that with in a month people with signs and hate messages would be picketing and vandalizing our temples telling us we were haters for voting and standing up for the Lord's truth.

Consider President Boyd K. Packer's talk The Test. This talk brought tears to my eyes while listening. His first sentence is; It is my purpose to show that in troubled times the Lord has always prepared a safe way ahead. Joseph Smith's trumped up charges, the extermination order from Missouri, and our three petitions to the United States Congress which were ignored, were just a few of the troubled times mentioned. Latter in LDS history, a celebration was to be held by the early saints. Not yet on American soil, they celebrated patriotism and loyalty to that same government which had rejected and failed to assist them. It was the story of the parade that brought tears to my eyes. The parade started with 24 young men all caring a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States, then 24 young women carried a Book of Mormon and a Bible, then the Silver Grays, who were all 60 and over carried the flag.

This is perfect. Perfect for a forth of July story, and perfect because, like the men in power not living the Constitution then, today we have corrupted the Constitution and yet, we are still believer's in it's power. We still know that it was inspired by righteous men that God hand picked himself. It's also another testament that we can, as a people, overcome and be unified.

Consider Elder M. Russell Ballard's The Truth of God Shall Go Forth about the growth of the Church in the face of persecution. I found this immediately comforting! What a blessing to feel this regardless of the junk the church is facing right now.

This is perfect. I take comfort in the words of The Standard of Truth and D&C 3:1-3.

Consider Elder Russell M. Nelson's talk Celestial Marriage. While same sex marriage was not mentioned it clearly gives a message to us of what a marriage is.

This is perfect after the fiasco of Proposition 8 in California.

Many other talk were of help and perfect for our day now! It was a testimony to me that we really do have Prophets in the Land- 15 to be exact. Of this I am SO Thankful.

Ether 9:28 And there came prophets in the land again, crying repentance unto them—that they must prepare the way of the Lord or there should come a curse upon the face of the land;.....

The Book Of Mormon: Another Testiment of Jesus Christ

Too Much Information

This is the information age and I've been over whelmed with it for weeks now, trying to manage my time reading and organizing all the information. I'm passionate about a few subjects.

1. Politics: I became a PCO: a Precinct Committee Officer in my area, which means my neighbors and myself got to VOTE for me in the primary election. No one was running against me- HEHE. I didn't do much with it, except at the end of the elections, I volunteered at the phone banks calling to poll voters, which I was told was akin to dragging people to the polls and making them vote. I did that 5 times, three of those times just days before the election. I even called the day of the election and the day after as the race for Congress was so close and we had a list of voters whose signatures didn't match. We called the list, found out who they voted for and if they voted for our candidate told them the problem and offered to help them have their vote counted. Dave Riechart won by a slim margin. I've meet Dave personally and he is a understanding respectful man. He was the sheriff who spent 19 years catching the Green River Killer. I also met Dinno Rossi who lost the seat for Governor a second time.

This has caused me to want to do more the next election. I want to be educated on both political parties and what they believe, stand for, and what has happened in the past under their ideology. I want to be armed with knowledge the next election. So, I'm reading Wikipedia articles, books on the constitution, and listening to talk radio.

2. The Family: I'm reading emails, newspaper articles daily about Proposition 8 in California. The Mormons are being picketed, yet we are just a small percentage of people who helped that pass for the SECOND TIME! The Seattle Temple is expecting protesters on Sat and I will be there to take pictures. I'm placing these articles I'm reading in my LDSjournal on line. I must record this. It's history being made and I was there and it effected me. I don't know who will read my journal when I'm old or gone, but someone will and they will want to know what it was like.

3. The Economy: This goes right along with government and politics. I'm still working on getting out of debt. My goal of having my teaching certificate paid off by the time it expires in June of 2009 will not be happening, but I have made great strides the last 4 plus years and it will not take me the planned 15 years the bank had. Plus, I want to travel, I want to create a next egg and give more to charity too. I am working on my business too, which I hope will be big enough that I need to buy a truck to put all those dogs in.

4. The Gospel: Then of course there is the gospel, which has always been my first passion, but seems to have taken a back seat this last few weeks. My scripture reading has not been daily at all, because I'm on line reading and getting worked up inside about all of these subjects and sharing them with others. I did however read a few night ago and was led to the Old Testament and found it invigorating. Thank goodness for the gospel. I also started commenting on a Facebook discussion with a questioning non- member that gets me riled up. More information.

5. Gregory: I need to get a system going and figure his programs out and learn more sign language.

6. My dog Sam is hurt and I feel better for his one fat leg that he limps on. While I don't have to force medicine down him, just thinking about him makes me sad. I don't do it often. I love him and don't want to loose him, but..... time will tell, as my mother always says. He's eating more, but is still skinny.

7. My sister and the kids. I wake up to yelling, I go to sleep to yelling and it's early and late. Don't know how we can do YEARS of this. I want the kids to go to some one who actually parents, not just acts like a teenager with them.

8. My callings: SA, have shed a few tears about that lately. It's painful, It hurts and ....... In a way it's annoying. I will continue to do what I'm asked, but part of me really wants to just let go for a while and focus on this INFORMATION. In this subject for me- it's such a fine line right now. I need to believe it will happen because the Lord has said it will and if I don't I'm faithless. But I need to not let it occupy my mind. I need to be something else besides single.

9: My mom: her loneliness and money that is diminishing. I am tied to that.

10: Technology: And I don't know how to do the things on line with this blog that I want to do, need to do and with my pictures. I need a tutor! I need someone to sit down with me and do it.

I feel the weight of all of this. I see the minutes and hours slipping by as I read and write on line mostly. I feel and know of America falling apart- the constitution not being used correctly, by people and organizations. I see the evilness of the world concerning families, marriage, abortion, and so many other subjects and the people we have elected that will not uphold those virtues.
The last days are so real to me. I can see and feel the increase of it getting closer of governments, people really going to hell.

People say pray. Pray for us for strength, yes, but for them- I think those prayers are with out faith, as Moroni prayer, because they cannot see the right way and love wickedness. They have been bamboozled by Satan and his followers. So pray for the second coming to be delayed? I think not. I just know I am genuinely concerned. It is on my mind constantly and I often don't know what to focus on, what priority should be first. Goals? I have thought of them. Read one article from the conference address in the morning- hasn't happened. Write one entry in my journal a day for my life history, plus keep the journal up, paste important articles and then go through and add the paragraphs that are taken out in that process. The past part of the goal has not happened.

This screams today to me. D&C 1: 12-19

12 Prepare ye, prepare ye for that which is to come, for the Lord is nigh;

13 And the anger of the Lord is kindled, and his sword is bathed in heaven, and it shall fall upon the inhabitants of the earth.

14 And the arm of the Lord shall be revealed; and the day cometh
that they who will not hear the voice of the Lord, neither the voice of his servants,
neither give heed to the words of the prophets and apostles, shall be cut off from
among the people;

15 For they have strayed from mine ordinances, and have broken mine everlasting
covenant;

16 They seek not the Lord to establish his righteousness, but every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own god, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol, which waxeth old and shall perish in Babylon, even Babylon the great, which shall fall.

17 Wherefore, I the Lord, knowing the calamity which should come upon the inhabitants of the earth, called upon my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., and spake unto him from heaven, and gave him commandments;

18 And also gave commandments to others, that they should proclaim these things unto the world; and all this that it might be fulfilled, which was written by the prophets—

19 The weak things of the world shall come forth and break down the mighty and strong ones, that man should not counsel his fellow man, neither trust in the
arm of flesh—

Too Many Books

I love to read and own many books. I have 2 plus shelves in the extra bedroom and I've given many of my children's books away in an attempt to lighten the load. I also listen to books on CD in my car once in a while. Right now I've got a bunch of books that I'm actively reading, have started, or will soon be reading.
Here's the list:
1. How to Win Friends and Influence People (reading)
2. As A Man Thinketh (started)
3. Preparing the Elders of Israel to Save the Constitution (reading)
4. Throstleford- a novel by Susan Evans McCloud (started)
5. Counseling: A Guide to Helping Others, Vol 2 (reading)
6. The Richest Man in Babylon.
7. Faith in the Service
8. The Shack
9. American Religions and the Rise of Mormonism (started)

Surrogacy and Sam

I decided to really check out the surrogacy idea. I thought the church's stance on it was a no. But I think it was in the days when woman used their own eggs, hence it really was their child. I have no idea what it is now and won't ask because of what I found out. I checked out 2 web sights. It's a long process to become a surrogate mother. You have to qualify and I don't due to 2 reasons. 1. I'm not in the 24 to 35 range- I'm 36. 2. I have not given birth to at least one baby that has been a successful, full term with no complications. I don't think I would of passed the mental health test, but I would of given it my best shot. Sorry Megan and Mariah, I would of done it for you!

Sam is sick. He has a hurt hip and has been on medicine for 2 weeks that is an anti-inflamatory. Sam lays around, hardly walks, hardly eats and is loosing weight. I'm worried for him. I think he's killing him self slowly. I got the same medicine and a pain killer, but he won't take it. I have to force it down him. I've tried canned dog food, which worked the first 2 weeks, but is not now. I went and got yogurt and cottage cheese, but he's not really interested in that. He's not interested in a chewie bone. I will continue to try everything. I feel bad about leaving him and sometimes he cries when I come back, but not as much any more. SAD SAD SAD SAM!

Please pray for the little furry!

A Moment of Pure Joy

Wednesday at the dog park I had a moment of pure joy. There I was in Seattle on the shore of Lake Washington with a bunch of dogs swimming after balls. I had Tucker, a while lab there for the first time. I love the water and I love dogs, so it was extra special. I looked up into the sky and either for real or in my head I spread my arms out to take it all in. It's such a wonderful experience to be doing something I really love, not just enjoy, but love!

I felt like that when thinking about starting my dog walking business. More JOY, over and over again. I was so happy that first week or so. I wondered if I'd ever been that happy in my life. I couldn't remember a time at all. Maybe I felt more joy as a very young child, but I just don't remember.

Joy for me, sometimes even happiness is hard to come by, due to depression. I think it's funny that the joy I felt was not over the usual things we think of when we think of joy, like family and the gospel.

I've heard that when one is having a baby- the moment of the baby coming, the moments after the baby comes there is pure joy. I've been thinking for the last few years of asking someone if I can be there at the birth of their baby just for the experience, just in case I never have that opportunity to give birth myself. But I've never asked and as some one told me- it's a personal experience. It's even crossed my mind to be a surrogate mother, to carry a child for someone who can't. It would be part selfish for me. To know what it was like to have a baby kick inside you, to give birth to life. I never could let a child go that came from my egg. I think I'd even have huge difficulties letting go of a child that was only using my womb, which came from someone else’s egg and sperm. But what I feeling of doing something for someone else. If I could I'd do it over and over again, I would. I already have a few names I'd do it for. Wouldn't that be great? I’d just be a baby machine.

Elder Oaks said this about joy: There is no fullness of joy in the next life with out a family unit, including a husband, a wife, and posterity.

When I play mommy, I sometimes question that quote. I've been going a little crazy these past few days with these kids never picking up after them selves.

In this reading of The Book of Mormon I've been coloring in dark red the whole word JOY. Here are a few verses from 3rd Nephi, a book of great joy, because the Savior Jesus Christ came.

10:10 And the earth did cleave together again, that it stood; and the mourning and the weeping, and the wailing of the people who were spared alive did cease; and their mourning was turned into JOY, and their lamentations into the praise and thanksgiving unto the Lord Jesus Christ, their Redeemer.

17:17 And no tounge can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the JOY which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father.

27:30 And now, behold, my JOY is great, even unto fulness, because of you, and also this generation; yea, and even the Father rejoiceth, and also all the holy angels, because of you and this generation; for none of them are lost.

28:10 And for this cause ye shall have fulness of JOY; and ye shall sit down in the kingdom of my Father; yea, your joy shall be full, even as the Father hath given me fulness of JOY and ye shall be even as I am……..

The Savior told us what makes him feel joy and that he feels it because of us and our missionary work. Can you imagine being told I have joy because of YOU. Can you imagine your mourning turning into joy? Can you imagine the Savior praying for you? Can you imagine the Father and angels having joy over you? Can you imagine sitting down with him in His kingdom? I can’t even imagine that much joy, as 1 Corinthains 2:9. I can’t imagine joy going on and on never stopping. WOW! That would 'exceed my grandest expectation'. Some day that will happen. I will hope for that.

There must be dogs there!

Bumpies, Clumpies and Zits. Oh my!

Bumpies are what my pet rats get. It's really cancer bumps and Merlin my favorite rat had 2 of them. I loved him so much I had them removed surgically. My last rat who was white, named Casper got a big one under his arm that kept growing and growing until he could hardly walk. I couldn't afford surgery and I waited to long where it was to late, so he had to be put out of his misery.

Clumpies are what dogs with long hair get. It's usually behind their ears, under their collars, or around their tales. It's just matted hair, but I like to cut them off. I love to take care of my little furies!

Zits. Now that's a whole other matter. I had perfect skin in high school. I've had a few episodes of small amounts of acne, but nothing that Proactive didn't take care of. But lately I've had really weird large zits. The kind that take weeks to go away and usually leave a scar. I try and un-scar myself with fade cream which works well. But why am I getting these things? It's not hormonal. It's not stress this time- at least I think. Stress could of taken the blame the last few months being in and out of work, but I have a job now. I've tried a lot of things this last week; face masks, vitamin treatments, triple anti-biotic medicine, prescription strength hydro-cortisone cream left over from my dad, anti-allergy cream, anti- ring worm cream. It's not ring worm. I know what that looks like. My dog Parker had that I cured it single handily by myself with out taking him to the vet. So, there are these stupid things on my face. It's not cute and some of them have scabs, but I keep trying. I wonder if I can get a face transplant. There's got to be cuter dead people out there than me. Maybe I can go as a pizza to the halloween parties coming up.

Prayers Answered

I was so excitted this last week about my dog walking business and still am. I already have one customer! But then on Sunday night both the jobs that were going to support me fell through. Not happy. I signed on with another caregiving agency, but those are so sporatic and mostly low paying and difficult to fit into my schedule! LDS employment had called me a few days ago and they were on my list of people to call. Well, I ran into Annette Bowen as she was coming out of the Temple and I was going in. We chatteed and the thought came to her to call LDS employment!

I called LDS employment just now, told them I needed a part time job in the afternoons and they said they JUST got off the phone with Amy McComber (a member who grew up in my stake and is just a few years older than me) who needs a caregiver for their autistic son from 2:30 to 8 or 9! hello! This is right up my ally- I do caregiving for people with disabilities and have done ABA and play therapy with 3 different Autistic boys! There is a God! She needs someone to start ASAP! Pay is about 1500- that will pay the bills, plus. And they are flexible on monday and tuesday nights! WAHOOOOO! OH happy day! I also got other ideas in the temple that I hadn't thought of because I was so stuck in this rut.

The power of money

It's amazing the power that money has over us. I've been in and out of a job since November 11 of 2007. I've handled it well, I think. I've continued to have jobs, try on jobs and also loose jobs. Not cause I'm crappy...just circumstances.

But yesterday with in 45 minutes my plan (see below) fell apart. The 2 jobs that were both going to bring in a thousand each while I started and maintained my dog walking business fell through. Phyllis is fine. She takes her medicine on her own and doesn't need someone to sleep over and get paid to do nothing. Carrie and Kelly feel responsible for this other girls financial life.

This past week, I sent out emails to everyone telling them the good news and even told my home teachers. Well, of course panic and tears and anger set it. I'm worried. I pray. Within a second my emotions change from happiness to stressed out worry! It bothers me some that I do that- the stressing, emotional part. It didn't last very long- maybe 45 min. But I'd like to get to the point where I can never panic because I have so much faith and trust in the Lord that he'll take care of me and that something will work out. I found this quote this morning written on a sticky note that says this: FAITH IS THE ABILITY TO NOT PANIC! Amen to that. Someday I'll get to that spot. That quote is a whole sacrament meeting talk waiting to happen.

As soon as I got most of my head on straight, I started to think about all the things that were good about loosing those jobs. I'd save on gas. I'd save on gas. I'd save on gas. Ok, so there's only 1 good thing about it. Well 2 , my dogs will get to sleep with me every night, not just 4 out of 7. Then I start thinking what can I do to remedy the problem. I need money, I have to have money. Maybe I can call that agency that I turned down and beg for forgiveness and see If I can work for them. I did do that and they will let me work for them. WHEW! Also a thought, maybe this is all happening for a reason and at the right time. What a concept; God's timing. I finally found something that even thinking about it makes me happy and so maybe he's going to leave me with just that. I've already got a dog to walk and I don't' even have a business license yet! Maybe, just maybe it will be successful enough to support me. Maybe I'll make great money and say the heck with care taking, I want to hug furies!

So, I move on, hoping I can pay the bills in October with out dipping into savings.

Oh, and my dog walking business is called: Romp and Run dog walking and boarding. Ann Braithwaite came up with that. Much better than my ideas! I really am so excited about this. Fliers are made, business cards are ordered, I practiced with my one dog today, I sent out a promotion to a new apartment complex that allows animals. Just thinking about it makes me want to smack some one- not the hit kind, the kiss kind!

The Plan!

As many of you know, I've been in and out of work for the last 10 months. But I have come up with a plan!

I have a job 3 nights a week sleeping over at a 87 year old ladies house. I give her her meds evenings and mornings and make her breakfast. That pays 300 a week, a little over 1000 a month. That alone will pay the bills.

I will also be doing after school care for 2 twin sisters and their kids. The mom Carrie is the one I nannied for some years ago. I know all the kids, and I"ll be driving around a lot. Carrie has 2 girls and Kelly has 3 boys. They all go to the same school- St. Louise Catholic Parish school in Bellevue. That will make me about 200-250 a week and that will also pay the bills.

Here comes the exciting part. I'm going to be a dog walker! I'll start up my own business, have a web page that links to the merrymoore park dog walkers association. A lady in my ward, has been doing this for a little over a year.I went with her yesterday and brought my dogs as well. What happens is you go around, pick up dogs, put them in the back of your car (she's going to let me borrow her truck and then possibly buy) and then take them to the 40 acres off leash dog park in Redmond. You let them run for 60 to 90 min. They stay with their "pack" and they can also swim in the river. They come home exhausted. The owners pay about 20 to 23 for the whole time, so depending on how many dogs you have will depend on how much you make an hour. It will take a while to get the business going, but if you have a fenced in back yard you can always board dogs too! Which I will offer. Shelly has made any where from 1500 to 3500 a month. The business license is 44 dollars in Bellevue, the liability insurance is 80 a year and there's things like business cards, advertising, etc. Shelly meets the dog and family before, has them sign a liability waver, gets the emergency info, finds out what commands the dog knows, etc. Some people would like the service daily, others just a few times a week. It's a luxury and so, a few families have lowered the days, but she still has enough dogs. Tomorrow we go with 8 dogs and my 2! Yesterday we went with only 4 and my two. You go rain or shine or snow.

Shelly is a master at the business: she has had callars made with her business name and her cell phone on it, so the dogs wear that when they are in the park. Other dog walkers have picked up on this and are following suit. She even has colors she wears. She knows all the names of the other walkers and their cell phone numbers so you can get a hold of them if she can't find a dog- which doesn't happen a lot.

I'm coming up with possible name ideas for my business. Here are a few: "fur creatures: dog walking and boarding" "a dog about town" I stole this one- it's a name of a company in CA. "Dog Tired" stolen as well. "Just dogging around" Not stolen! I really like "Out of the Cage!" Shelly's is Moosepaw dog walkers.

I'm excited because this is right up my alley! I've got money coming in while I build up the business! I also have nights off to have a social life!

Seminary

During high school I went to early morning seminar, where I learned the scriptures. This class was a whole hour or more before school started. I had to be there at 6: 10 am in the church next door to the HS. I hated getting up that early and always left the house with wet hair, but I loved seminary. I loved being with the kids my age who knew the things I did. I loved feeling the spirit. I loved learning the scriptures.

We studied a different book each year: one year was Old Testament, the next New Testament, then The Book of Mormon, and then Doctrine and Covenants or church history. Us Mormons go to church on Sunday for 3 hours. Everyone goes to Sunday School, no matter what your age. We can always be learning about the Savior and his gospel. The church also encourages personal and family scripture study daily. So why the focus so early in the morning? We were getting it in Sunday school. During the teenage years your growing and need your sleep. Why would they take sleep from us?

I've come up with six reasons why "Seminary" is so important. They are: 1. It taught us to sacrifice things of the world for the things of God. 2.It taught us spirit over body. 3. It helped us learn the gospel and the scriptures. 4. It helped us to fight for our testimonies, when they would be challenged and the world would try to invade our thinking. 5. It armed us with the armour of righteousness and the spirit before we entered the great and spacious building. 6. It taught us that the gospel comes first- literally- before the world, before secular education.

It was first in our day and should be first in our lives.

Spencer W. Kimball said this: "... the seminary courses should be given even preferential attention over the high school subject...the study of the scriptures ahead of the study of the man written texts." " Only an education which educates for eternity has the wholeness which humans need."

Boyd K. Packer said: "Spiritual Development is tied very closely to a knowledge of the scriptures, where the doctrines are found." "The percent of temple marriages among the graduates of seminaries and institutes is more than double the church average"

Henry B. Eyring who served as Commissioner of Church Education for years gave these reasons why Seminary is important. 1. It puts young people together who share the same values. 2. it puts youth together with a teacher who has a testimony, and they can feel the fire of it when it is borne. 3. Seminary gets young people into the scriptures. There should never be a conscious choice to let the spiritual become secondary as a pattern in our lives. Never. That will lead to tragedy.

My personal favorite by John A. Widstoe:

"It is a paradox that men will gladly devote time every day for many years to learn a science or an art; yet will expect to win a knowledge of the gospel, which comprehends all sciences and arts, through perfunctory glances at books or occasional listening to sermons. The gospel should be studied more intensively than any school or college subject. They who pass opinion on the gospel without having given it intimate and careful study are not lovers of truth, and their opinions are worthless."

I'm so grateful that I went to seminary those early mornings. My graduation from that meant more to me than my graduation from high school. I went on to college religion classes at Ricks where it was for secular credit and I loved those classes too. I also went to institute at Utah State and loved those classes. Those experiences have helped shaped me into the person I am today. They have changed the way I study the scriptures. They have helped me to get closer to being steadfast and immovable when it comes to my testimony of the truthfulness of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Blogs and Babbies

Blogging is like scrap booking, only for free. I think it often takes as much time. I used to scrapbook a lot and then I realized how impossible it is to get everything on a page, how much time it takes, how much money it takes, etc. I take far too many pictures- even with a digital camera. So, I just started scrap booking big trips- like Europe.

For many Mormon bloggers and I suppose people of other religions the tendency is to brag about how cute, smart, talented their children are, or how much money you have by telling about all the things you've done or bought, etc. With a blog you can make your life look perfect, telling only the good things.

I appreciate honesty and reality and my entries are not all peaches and cream. What I'm going to tell you next is about a blog that may be the exact oppostite of bragging, yet it is positive. I have this cousin who was been infertile. She's been married for 6 years and has been trying to adopt through LDS social services. She almost got a baby 2 different times, but things fell through. And then miracle of miracles, she finds out she's pregnant with TWINS! 2 girls, but the saddest of things happened. She went into labor at 20 wks and 1 day. There was a crazy blood transfusion thing going on between the 2 of them. The baby that was still born was doing the work for her and her sister. The other baby lived for 1 hour. My cousin had to pick a coffin, buy a plot and many other difficult things. What's amazing is nearly every day she has written an entry in her blog about her grief and the lessons she's learning. She has included quotes from apostles, videos of the Savior she made, and videos from movies that teach a principle. She is an amazingly strong woman. Even in her pain she is positive. Even as her sisters have baby girls so close together and the adoption didn't work out near the same time, she is positive. I invite you read this blog. It's on my list: Marc and Megan.

Here’s another sad baby story of a woman in my ward. Her first pregnancy was a miscarriage. She second- well.... they did an ultra-sound and saw that the cord was wrapped around her neck 4 times and the little girl was posterior. They did a C-section. She weighed a little over 4 lbs. They brought her home, but mom wouldn't stop bleeding and so after a week and a 1/2 they did a hysterectomy. This will be her only baby she gives birth to in this life. She is in her 20's. What a hard thing to deal with. It makes me sad all these people who want children and yet there are so little to adopt at least in this country. There are so many over seas. I want to just go grab about a 100 of them and start passing them out. Any one want to join me?

The Reception in Riverton

The reception had all these nice iron work for decorations, and 3 yummy cakes to eat. 3 of my mom's 4 brothers showed up! That was fun!

Birds and Worms

I love all creatures! This little caterpillar guy was so interesting. I stopped and petted him and he lifted his front self up and then continued to walk all around. I was afraid he was going to get stepped on, so I put him near the grass, but he's not a fan of grass. Notice the ever so tiny blue dots. I watched him and could see this serge of energy- small black lines- that went up his spine- if he has one. This happens all the time. He was just a cool little guy. I had 2 men stop with me there on the side walk on my knees. One asked what I was looking at and the other if I was ok- he thought I had fallen.

I saw this one quail resting on the cement and went to get closer, when a bunch more popped out- 2 more adults, 3 teenage kids and 7 little baby ones. My grandfather loved Quails because of the way they bopp their head and that little funny thing on top! Cute Cute Cute. Someday I'm gonna hold one of those little guys!

Jason's and Megan's Wedding

Jason and Megan Wells got married on Aug 28th in the Salt Lake City Temple. It was a great day. I was teasing Jason about kissing her on the first date. Jason responded with "look at her!"

Ya can't agrue with that!

Conversation with a member of the 70'd

This Labor Day weekend was the annual Ensign Ranch SA Family Camp out. I only went for the day. The 3 seventies brethren that are over this area was there. Elder Walker always does a question and answer period and I love to go, because he's such a great teacher and teaches directly from the scriptures. I was able to ask him a question. The question is this: If a man is spiritually, emotionally and financially able to take care of a woman and family and doesn't is he in trouble. Well, he told me to go to Section 130. Elder Perry, found me at 9:45 that night and told me what a great question that was. It's nice to be validated by a member of the 70'd! We talked about that for a while. How for one man there are 25 women who want a family. He shared with me how he went to Idaho and gave a fireside to the SA and a gentleman raised his hand and said he had asked every women in the audience out and they all said no. HE could see, all the women put a hand to their head and kind of AGGG! We'll this person was not fully there- missing a few screws etc. I think that my phrasing of the question - not all men, but capable men were responsible was what he liked. He further stated that is only the woman who has the promise that if she remains faithful will have a husband in the next life. That promise is not for the men. What I should of asked him, but didn't was how he handled that. I told him about my father only drinking water for 2 weeks to get a wife. I asked the question about men if they are over 30 and single may not be ordinance workers in the temple- that is true, yet they are able to be on the stake High Council. To me that doesn't seem equal. He said he knows stake presidents when extending the call to them, tells them by the time his service is up, he better be married. Sister Perry's wife said to me "if a man is not married by the time he's 35, something is wrong with him" Hey- President Young said it was age 25! Elder Perry said that in their yearly mtgs with the 12 and 1st presidency President Hinckley would say "tell the men to pair up". Elder Perry acknowledged that the difficulty is that for every one man, there are 25 women who want to be wives and mothers. Exactly!

My difficulty is that I know men who are not trying. They are very shy or so into something else- usually video games, sci-fi stuff or the like. I also know the men who are missing screws are trying and drive all the women crazy. Then ya have the good guys who aren't interested in me. I understand that finding the right match is hard, and is too important to do for your father, or to get yourself out of being single, or any other reason, besides having the inspiration that this is the right one.

Marriage and Family life is The Plan of Salvation. I feel sometimes as if I'm Eve and Adam choose to stay in the garden. So, in the dark and dreary world, I do the jobs of 2 people in a world of couples.

Beauty Every Day

We got the new IKEA catalog with the newspaper a few days ago and one of the pages said "BEAUTY EVERY DAY". I cut it out to motivate me to do my hair and put makeup on every day. The plan is to put in on my mirror in the bathroom. I often skip that get attractive part, mainly because 1. I like sleeping in 2. I'm lazy or running out of time, 3. I'm going to get yucky anyway and the people I take care of don't care how I look. 4. I'm not in the habit. I probably could go on with excuses, but often, especially when I have pictures taken randomly of me, I hate how they turn out. I look terrible. I'm not cute. I don't know how I've ever had men interested in me- they are so visual and all. But I really want to make the effort to do that. I want to do what I can to be attractive. I put forth a lot of effort on Sundays, on dates, (unless I'm trying to get rid of him -hehe), at dances, etc. I remember some years ago during my on-line dating phase- I had been talking to his man on the phone every other day for 3 weeks. I looked good every day- I had the motivation- and he didn't even see me! Turns out he was a bank robber and an RM. That's a fun story! But anyway, I digress.

I'm a very honest person. I'm sharing my blog with a lot of people, some who are very used to seeing me look like crap and others who aren't, but I wish it wasn't so. Sometimes even when do myself all up, I still don't look good in photos. Here's another dating story. So, my Dad finds this guy for me- in the temple- after I got un-engaged. He lived in Spokane, I lived in Cali. I sent him the best pictures of me I had. They were cute. I got a close face up shot and a full body shot. I was thinner then. I moved back to WA and we met. When we were in the car alone, he says to me something like: "You look better in person than in pictures". Holy Crap! Does the camera lie? After I got un-engaged, I went and got glamour shots to make me feel better. Ya, I look good, but I don't like them. I hide them. Someday I'll pull them out and say, "See, look how pretty your.... mommy, or grandma, or aunt was".

There are people that look so good in photos no matter what. I wish I was a person like that. I wish I could be cute every day. I wish I was thinner. But I know that wishing won't do it. I have to DO SOMETHING! So, I'm trusting all you readers who love or like me for who I am, to encourage me to be better.

I've often wondered about men. They are visual. They were created in the image of Heavenly Father (Gen 1:27). He likes beautiful things... I mean, look at this earth... it's very beautiful. Men like beautiful women. So, why didn't Heavenly Father make all us women 10's? It's disturbing! It sometimes bothers me. My only explanation is from a scripture:
1 Sam. 16: 7
But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

I think that's the test: for men to look on the heart also, not just the outward appearance. We are, after all, trying to be like Him (Matt 5:48). Of course, I also like this scripture:

Isa. 55: 2
Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.

My soul delights in my fatness- just not anybody elses!
This hits that being fat means your righteous! I loved teasing the elders on my mission about this! :)

How do you walk your dog?

Sarah and her 5 kids came up to Bellevue for a few days. The kids had been talking about Sam and Parker the whole way up, but when they got here, they were afraid. Especially Grace the baby. But as they warmed up, we went on a walk with them. Sam is old. He's 10, and Bassett Hounds only live for 10 to 12 years, so Sam gets tired. He will just decide to stop anywhere. He stopped right on the side walk and would not move even when I got him up. Sarah said to me: "Do you need the stroller? I've seen it done!" Really?, I replied. So, we took the baby out and each picked up an end and set him in. He stayed there the rest of the way home! What a sight! He's such a cute kid!

Caleb and Grace

Caleb and I were making fruit salad. My parents always liked to save and drink the juice the canned fruit was in. Sarah doesn't save it, because it has sugar. Caleb, asked for a piece of fruit. I gave him one and he said a little huffy "you fed me sugar!" Then this evening while working on the blog he showed his mom his elbow with a band-aid on it and asked "does this feel better?" Yes, Sarah answered and he went off happy. It was so fun playing with Caleb today. I asked him the french fry question again and he said no that he wasn't yellow- but Gracie- his little sister is a french fry, because she's yellow!


Emily is so great with the computer. She helped me so much.

Doing the Deshcutes!

This weekend a small bunch of my family went river rafting in Oregon down the Deschutes. Brother Karl is a guide. He and his 3 kids Melissa (who's engaged), Nicole and her boyfriend Adam, and Kevin were there. My sister Sarah and husband Blake and daughter Emily and I went too! We brought along water soaker to get in fights with other boaters. We'd get close to the boat and then someone would say "where ya from?" That was code for -GET EM! Sadly, we didn't do that much.

There was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of boats. There was even a boat with an 80 year old lady and the boat flipped! She's still alive. Sarah got hurt though. There was this natural water slide. Ya float down with out a boat- just you, the life jacket and a little fear! I went down up further the slide and it was so tipsy turvey that I got scared. Then came the part where you go UNDER WATER for about 4 seconds. You need to put your elbows in and your feet up of course. I made it, but was not doing that again. Sarah went before me, but she hit her head on a rock underneath. It's a bout an inch big and was bleeding. The boating guides got a first aid kit and did the whole clean out with water bottle we stole from an unknown person and
iodine. She was fine- just a head ache and a blue Rambo head band to keep the gauze on. Blake, her husband is a dentist, so he stitched her up at home that night.

There are traditions for this trip. A stop off at Joe's Doughnuts in Sandy OR on the way there in the morning. Those doughnuts are BIG! Then double scoops of ice cream afterwords and dinner at Calamity Jane's, a burger joint. We added a 1 dollar bill to the hundreds up on the ceiling with our signatures. If your there look for the one that says ROSE CLAN. You can also find an LDS dollar. Then we headed home tired!

Melissa has one more tradition. Licorice and pixy sticks together. She calls it LIXIE STIX. You add the pixy sugar inside the licorice and then eat it. YUMMY! She's a creative chick! We created and ate those on the boat. Below are some pic's of the whole thing.

Never shave your legs in a cold river!

The summer of 1993, right before I got my mission call I went on "discovery"- a 5 week camping trip with ricks college. I decided to shave my legs in a river. BAD IDEA! Ya, see when the river is cold legs get goosebumps and when you shave them, they come off and your bleeding from every poor! Tonight I tried to do the same thing only in a bathtub and the first thing that came to my mind "never shave your legs in a cold river." I hadn't thought of that in years. My mother sucks at advice, so when we'd go to wedding showers or receptions and my mom would say to me- you give them advice, you're good at that. That's when I'd write: Never shave your legs in a cold river- or any other body part for that matter! I've now said it 3 times so you and I don't have to remember the hard way after 15 years! Good luck!

Madona- she still works

When I was at Ricks College, and I was down, my roommates just had to put on Madona and pretty soon I'd be dancing on the tables! Well, I had one of those weeks, (and it's only Thursday) and I put that in on my car and boom-It happened- Happiness! Thanks Madona!

Talking to two great women in my ward helped a lot too!

Mom came home and said "Hello, Sam-a-roo, how are you?"

I'm such a relationship person- I need more.

Funny Kid Stuff

About 2 years ago, I was babysitting for my sisters then 4 kids while they were gone. The last day we were all on the floor and Spencer who was 3 or 4 was sitting on my lap. He said to me while rolling his eyes "I'm sitting on your penis!" The more mature Ryan said to Spence, "She doesn't have a penis." After a little explaining about sex organs, Spencer said, while pushing on my boobs, "but you have baby milk!" I explained that no, I didn't. You had to have a baby to have baby milk. I know Spencer, It's so confusing! I'm sure at the age of six he's got it by now though.

On the weekend of the forth, I was getting 3 year old Caleb ready for church. I told him in my cute kid voice that, "I loved him, he's so cute, I just wanted to eat him, he's like a french fry."
He reasoned his way out of that by saying, "but french fries don't wear feet. I'm not yellow. French fries don't wear feet, or socks!" Ya gotta love kids!






About 3 years ago, I was at work, and my boss had a little Spencer too. Spencer was also three. 2 tall RM men came in to get a job. Spencer said to the tall buff one, "Do you have breasts?" The guy was so cute with him. He got down on his level and said, "No, I have pectorals", as he patted them. He then said, "and let me give you some advice, just between us guys, don't ask girls that!" Oh, what a smart fellow.

Small Blessings and a Monster!

Since my sister and her 2 kids have moved in people think I need a break. What they don't know is that they have their own entrance, living room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedrooms. I've had 2 offers to house sit. One is going to pay because they have 2 dogs. Because of my low paying job I need all the money blessings I can get. I'll make a hundred dollars doing that. Bro and Sis Elder are going to pay me and my mom to drive them to and pick them up from the airport. Then my friend Scott needs a ride too and he'll pay for gas. I'd help out all these people for free.

Sam is the monster. He has a hernia and is getting very thin. A few weeks ago, he wasn't eating, so I was spoiling him with meat and bread and anything else I could think of. We have always fed him left overs and such, but he has gone crazy. He will pull him self up (not an easy task for him) to the table, the kitchen counter, etc. He's grabbed a ham sandwich I made, tried to grab hard boiled eggs, grabbed the bag of bread that I saved just in time and just pulled down a plate of cookies. Nothing can be left close to the edge or he will sniff it out and get it. He'll go through any bag sniffing for food. Parker just watches and usually doesn't get any of the spoil.

Preparing the way

My mom got back yesterday from my uncle's funeral. She was told by my aunt and cousins that my dad had appeared to Rodger, his twin a few times around Fathers day. He didn't say anything, but Rodger told him to go back, prepare the way for him, but that he wasn't ready to go yet. I feel peaceful and happy to hear this. It's so great to know my dad's spirit is still alive and concerned for his family.


Mom and I forgot to put flowers on his grave this fathers day. I think it was because Dad was focused on Rodger, not us. I love having a knowledge of the plan of salvation. Tonight at Family Home Evening, we were studying about Korihor, the anti-Christ. (Alma 30) Who was teaching that there was no Christ and that when a man was dead that was the end of him. If that's true then it doesn't matter how we act. The scriptures of the restoration clearly teach about the unity of the family in the next life. The Bible does as well, see Luke 16: 19-31 Although a story, you need to remember who is telling the story. It's the Savior. The message is the dead care about their family members still living in mortality. Who better to know what the next life will be like!

Babies; their not what they are cracked up to be.

Once again my job will be changing. Friday the 11 is my last day with Aditya, the cute little energizer bunny boy with acid-reflux and a swallowing disorder. I will miss him. We are attached. I love that little kid! He's such a happy guy. I feel sorry for him, to loose someone he's attached to and have to get used to some one else, who's not as cool as me. He's also somewhat attached to Niha, they do play together, if she's not crying and he's not trying to sit on her.

I'll still have the pain in the butt baby, Niha. She's an emotional wreck. She has extreme separation anxiety. When I walk around the corner, even though she can hear me speaking, she cries. A few weeks ago she was in this 'I'm only happy if your holding me phase'. She would scream all day long. Any time she cries, it's big tears and boom, if you pick her up she stops in a second. I was able to wean her off that by only picking her up when she stopped. Day by day it she's figured it out and had fun playing instead of crying. Now, she's in this worried mode. If I get up, she makes squeaks. She usually falls asleep on my and is so hyper sensitive to movement, that if I make a move she will grasp on to me tighter afraid I'll put her down. She does this when she's asleep, so needless to say, she sleeps on me for 1/2 hour only. Today I was walking around from the living room to the kitchen, which is an open space, cleaning up and she was fussing, even though she could see my every move. Once I sat down on the floor, she was fine- that's our improvement from being held all the time. She cries if I pay too much attention to Aditya, She cries if I'm talking to long to Aditya's mom. She's frustrating. She also fights eating- she will constantly dodge the spoon filled with baby food. I practically have to put her in a head lock to get her to eat. Today I used a syringe and that worked much easier. Everything is a fight.

My job satisfaction is low. I can't get out of the house. There's no taking the kids to the park, playing in the sprinkler when it's sunny, going to the zoo. It's just naps, feedings, and diapers. So much for a fun summer.

Just a few items I've learned. Mothering is for the young. Breast milk breaks down baby food, rice cereal, so that if the combination is lumpy in 30 min it will be like milk. I can pee and hold a baby at the same time. I can hold a bottle and change a diaper almost 100% with one hand. I can feed 2 babies, one in each arm, or one in an arm, one standing up. I can let a baby cry for an hour. Oh- the things I can do... the list could go on and on and on.

I will be looking for another job through an agency that pays me what I'm worth. Sometimes I just want to forget this whole family thing. A husband sure, but kids- ahhhh! and that's coming from the girl who's been doing pretty much that since she was a teenager. Thank goodness for a social life!

Foo Fighters

FYI: the band Foo Fighters do not sing the song 'every body's kung-fu-fighting'

Around noon yesterday I was invited to see the Foo Fighters in concert that night at the Key Arena in Seattle. I had heard the name often, but was not sure what songs they sang. I was told it was "rock n' roll'. I like rock n' roll. But... my dates definition of rock n' roll and mine, we learned at the end of the evening, are very different. I soon figured out that this band is one of those screaming, usually can't understand the lyrics, hair swirling, head shaking, bands. Most of the members were in black. While a few songs were familiar, it's not something I listen to. I was a little worried at first about enjoying myself. But, my ever so smart date brought us both ear plugs. That was brilliant! It blocked out the noise of my own clapping, and the noise of the crowd, but we could still hear the music- which was mostly guitar and drums. When we first put them in, I asked my date a question and he proceeded to answer me. I thought he was moving his mouth, but with no sounds to tease me. He wasn't teasing. We had to take our ear plugs out to speak, they worked that well.

The band of course started and these are some of the things that went through my head: The spirit is not going to be here. How do people get so off the path of normal living to dress and act like this, to think this is music. My dad would call it "infernal noise". Thy are so off the path of righteousness. Why are men so drawn to this music? Ok, so obviously, the arena is not just men, so it's women too. There are so many bands like this, how does society pick which ones succeed? They all sound the same. Is it talent? Is it lyrics? Is it attractiveness? It is luck, is it being in the right place at the right time? Is it knowing someone?

Now, lest I sound like I didn't like it at all, I did like some of the songs and some of the things the band did, like having a whole platform of instruments on a circle, come out of the sky and them walking to it and playing acoustic. I liked one of the slow songs and of course, bobbed my head and other body parts to the music. He lead singer, who used to be the drummer for Nirvana had a foul mouth, but was also funny. He had lived in Tacoma- "beautiful city", he said. He had lived in Olympia-"great night life!" he told us. It would be a hard choice: Paris or Olympia? After leaving the stage, they came back out and did an encore of course. They showed on the 4 screens him debating how many songs he should do. One? Two? Three? Four? Five? They all came back out, told a funny story and played 5 songs.

My date's opinion is that, that is rock 'n roll. My opinion is that rock 'n roll is a spectrum. There's soft rock, classic rock, and hard rock. I like soft and most classic, and even a few hard rock songs- usually the ballads. He didn't think Foo Fighters was hard rock. I think it's on the edge of it. Either way, I had a good time with him and at the concert and had an experience I wouldn't have had on my own. Thanks date (hehe).

3 ways in, 2 ways out

I've been thinking the last 24 hours about the process I've gone through while I've been single. I do believe it is a process. There are 3 ways into the single adult program of the church, none of them positive. 1. never get married. 2. get divorced. 3. have a spouse die. There are two ways out 1. marriage, 2. death. I suppose there is a third: going apostate and leaving the church.

Anyways, I've had the angry-bitter phase. That lasted for a few years. No one could get me out, it was something I had to get through. I didn't understand- I had righteous desires and this sure didn't seem merciful, just, or kind to me. I wanted to throw rocks at Heavenly Father. I very silly picture now.

Then when I turned 31 I was living with my parents due to school. I went to the family ward I basically grew up in. I was HUMILIATED! I wanted to hide. I thought I'd come back with a baby on my hip and children trailing behind. But I had nothing. I felt like I had this "looser" stamp on my forehead. No body wanted me, I was never picked. I wasn't something enough: pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, long hair enough, etc. I didn't want to be friends with the people who helped raise me, who talked me through those difficult times. I felt like we'd be having the same conversations we had when I was 17 and nothing had changed. During both of those phases I'd push away possible friendships, because I didn't think I was worthy, and I didn't stand a chance in the romantic department- men don't like angry bitter women!

After the hard grieving of loosing my Father wore off, I realized I didn't care anymore about being single and I started to have a good time, just having fun.

While I still visit those phases, for a short while, and with lesser intensity, I'm now just grateful there is a single adult program. Sure polygamy would solve the problem. But through this program I've meet people in my same situation, have made friends and have even had a few dates. Are there still lonely Friday and Saturday nights? ABSOLUTELY. But, I think there would be a lot more if there was no SA program.