Dad Wanted Twins

Dad was a peaceful man who fought in WWII.  His twin was always picking on him and he took it.  Later in his life he got picked on too and he took it.  Was he a door mat that couldn't stand up for himself or was he just more Christlike than the rest of us, turning the other cheek?  Looking back I think he needed anti-depressants at least the last 20 years of his life.  Ya.  I was 13 when he had his stroke and just days away from turning 33 when he died.  So 20 years is about right.

Dad and I have a strange connection.  Maybe the other 6 kids feel that way too, but here are my stories about him.  Some I have shared before. Others I have not.

1.  I'm here on earth due to him and President Joseph Fielding Smith.  Here you can read about how Dad went to priesthood session and was pricked in his heart with the 'Don't block up the well springs of life", comment from a prophet.

2.  He wrote a poem to the older 5 kids and hung it on the Christmas tree to announce my impending birth.  None of the other kids got that.  The Poem:

Now children Dear, You listen here,

About a gift to the family,

That will come some time

When fireworks are popping;

It may be one, it may be two

But it will keep us all hopping. 

To get things done,

To service a certain covering,

To hold, to comfort, to carry, 

To bundle, to trundle off to bed. 

To feed, to cuddle, to brag on;

It may be him or may be her,

It should  be one or the other. 

It could be both if they be two.

Or both could be one or the other.

It's going to be a little baby,

Brother, or sister, or Twins...

Or something or other. 

Dad was hoping I'd be a twin.  I wasn't, but Sarah was born 18 months latter.

3. I'm the one that was first to find Dad after his stroke.  I came home and the TV was blaring!  He couldn't  get paper in an envelope.  He didn't speak to me.  He tried to start the car with out keys.  We almost got in a car accident on the way to the dentist.

4. I was there when he died, along with Ruth and my mom of course, but mom let me say when to pull the plug.  There were other looks  and words between us that day.  Kind of funny to think of him being the one to say - OK, time for Becky to come to earth and me saying OK, time for dad to go home.

5. I've had experiences with him since he's been gone too.  Times when I know he's aware of me, there or looking down.  He sees me struggling, crying, etc.   I've been told that in a blessing; That he is busy but aware. Thoughts of him will just come out of now where, or scenes will be presented to my minds eye.   I've written about those too on here.  

6. Since moving to Idaho I've had experiences too.  One while praying and crying in Nampa.  In my minds eye came a view of someone tapping Dad on his shoulder and pointing to me kneeling and crying.  He's aware!  Another after the debacle with the Bishop and I was a mess, all of a sudden Dad popped into my head out of no where.  He was aware.  Dad was single for 39 years.  He would  of understand  my pain and told me to  let it go, to turn the other cheek, because that's what he would of done.

Those are my special experiences with dad.  There are other little things I could mention when he was a live to explain our connection, but I don't share it all.  I wonder if my siblings have feelings like I do.  If they feel they have a special connection with dad and what their stories are.

Dad is still around

My father's birthday is Feb 26th.  He was born in 1917, so he would be 96 this year. I've posted before about moments with my dad on the other side of the veil.  I've had quite a few recently.

A few weeks ago I had that upset week due to what was said to me by the bishop in front of the whole ward council.  I spent sacrament meeting REALLY upset.  In my tears, all of a sudden I thought of dad.  I missed my dad.  I wish my dad was here.  I KNOW he would of felt my pain, he would of understood and not wanted me to suffer in that way.  I know this because of how he acted in the past to things like this that caused me such grief and heart ache.  He would of cried with me. I know he was there, listening to me, hearing me, totally aware of what I was going through. I know I thought of him only, because he was there, watching or actually with me.

I felt nothing from him when I got married.  Nothing.  I know it's because it wasn't right.  And that is sad.

I went to the temple Thursday and the high priest group leader was there.  He was one of the people who also was in the bishopric's office when "it" happened.  He asked me to go to the prayer circle. His wife is not a member.  When I was there, standing next to this thin older brother I thought of dad.  *tears*  I miss my dad.

Dad and Mom, just a month before he died in July of 2006.

This didn't happen recently, but while I lived in Nampa, praying on my bedside crying so hard, I saw in my minds eye, someone tapping dad on the shoulder while he was talking to a group of people, men I think.  The person tapped him and then pointed down at me.  He turned around and witnessed my pain.  I'd like to think the person who tapped him was the Savior, but it's my understanding that he does not reside there.  Either way, it does not matter.  My dad was there and someone, perhaps another family member let my dad know what was going on with me. He seems to be there in times of pain.

I really believe that dad is doing missionary work there.  He was almost always called to be a stake missionary.  He was often trying to be a missionary while on this earth- in his younger years at least. 

It was sad to be in Europe 6 days after we buried him.  I went to WWII places. I finally KNEW what kind of questions to ask and he wasn't there. 

A thought just occurred to me.  I think he is very aware of his family when we are in pain.  When we are happy and things are going good for us spiritually and emotionally (those 2 are tied together) he's busy doing his job. I know that he's busy but aware because a blessing told me so.  I think if I had a spouse that I was sealed to that was on the other side of the veil he would be the one looking in.  I'm sure dad is worried about the married kids when there are hard times, but if they have a spouse who takes good care of them emotionally, is at least trying anyway, then his fatherly responsibility... is well.... It's been taken over by the husband responsibility, because you know... A man should leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife.

So the big message is:

Of this I know! 

Christian thing to do, Less sin for you

Jason had only learned to handle problems by reviling back.  He practiced the law of Moses.  It drove me crazy because he was so mean and angry and it solved nothing.  He blamed others for his behavior. I put scriptures on the fridge like:

3 Nephi 6: 13 Some were lifted up in pride, and others were exceedingly humble; some did return railing for railing, while others would receive railing and persecution and all manner of afflictions, and would not turn and revile again, but were humble and penitent before God.

and 

Alma 34: 40 And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have ^apatience, and that ye bear with all manner of ^bafflictions; that ye do not ^crevile against those who do cast you out because of your ^dexceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them;

There are other scriptures that say the same thing with out using the word revile.  Matt 5:39-40

 But I say unto you, That ye resist not ^aevil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right ^bcheek, ^cturn to him the other also.  And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.

And then Mormon 8:20 Behold what the scripture says—man shall not ^asmite, neither shall he ^bjudge; for judgment is mine, saith the Lord, and vengeance is mine also, and I will repay.

There is more than one form of smiting.  It doesn't always mean physical violence, but verbal  as well. 

It really came home to me though a few months ago when I was teaching the be-attitudes in 3 Nephi.  I light bulb went on so bring that had never been on so bright before. Here is a few of the scriptures from Matthew: 

6: 14-15  For if ye ^aforgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

But if ye ^aforgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

5:44 But I say unto you, ^aLove your ^benemies, ^cbless them that ^dcurse you, do ^egood to them that ^fhate you, and ^gpray for them which despitefully use you, and ^hpersecute you;

 45 That ye ^amay be the ^bchildren of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth ^crain on the just and on the unjust.

 46 For if ye ^alove them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

3 Nephi 12: 22 But I say unto you, that whosoever is ^aangry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment. And whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; and whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

 23 Therefore, ^aif ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee—

 24 Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be ^areconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full ^bpurpose of heart, and I will receive you.

Here is the big kicker.   If you want to come unto Christ and there are people that have anger towards YOU, (not you towards them) go to them and make restitution with them.  

So, I've had a lot of anger in the past towards Jason and the Twitchells, but I think I've almost let it go.  There are others too, but I'm learning that to be the righteous one, turning the other cheek is the best thing to do.  My dad was awesome at doing this.  It may seem like signing up to get walked on, but it's just letting it go and not letting it bother you.  Do not let someone walk all over you and treat you like crap. Do not. 

Not reviling back when someone reviles at you is the Christian thing to do and avoids MORE sin.  They can keep their sin.  You take the higher road, forget the law of Moses and that eye for an eye stuff!

So while I still want to send a letter I wrote to the Twitchell's or send emails to Jason that are true, but sarcastic, rude and in your face, I don't. I don't because it will do no good for me.  It will only cause me harm (bad replies and proof for them I'm crazy and have not moved on) and increase my anger and my sin. I take the high road of self-denial.  The road where even if you are justified, you don't act.  The road that at first that can be painful, but in the end will bring more peace once time has lapsed.  Good job Becky for finally learning this lesson.  It's about time! 

 Proverbs 25: 21 If thine ^aenemy be ^bhungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:

 22 For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall ^areward thee.

Summer Bucket List

I've never had a summer "bucket" list before.  I've had the summer plans list.  Recently I just figured out what the bucket part meant- what you're going to do before you "kick the bucket."   I don't know if I will get it all done, but I'm hoping that I can work about 10 hours a week and live off unemployment.  Sounds nice huh?  I need this time to do some more figuring out and healing. I don't' have any money so it needs to be free or cheap.  Here's the list:

Books: 

1. Finish Elder Bednars book  Increase in Learning. 
2. Perhaps read Elder Hollands book Christ and the New Covenant.  (My book, but the last book my dad was in the middle of reading when he died. I miss him.)
3. Finish and review How to be an Adult. 

Places To Go: 

1. The birds of prey wildlife refuge near Nampa 
2. The WWII air museum
3. The Oregon Trail place at Glens' Ferry 
4. Perhaps Utah to see friends. 
5. Perhaps Eastern WA to see friends. 

Stuff To Do 

1. Finish crafts that are still in my living room. 
2. Create a USA map on canvas out of material. 
3. Finish 2 Christmas Cross stitches. 
4. Go through some boxes and organize better and throw more stuff away. 
5. Watch, listen and learn some computer tutorials to use the computer better. 
6. Exercise 5 to 6 days a week. 
7. Cook more
8. Take those Dr. Oz feel full pills Mom bought me at Costco. 
9. Take the dogs swimming as much as possible. 
10. Go river rafting again. 
11. Pull a Rolland Rose and fast for an extended length of time.  Not for a spouse, but for happiness, to what to do with my life and financial relief. 
12. Blog a whole lot more! 

 While I don't know if I get it all done, it will be fun trying.  

Family is forforever and the viel is thin: Dad

Recently I've been thinking about my dad. He died on July 25th 2006 at the age of 89 and after being married 50 years to my mom. It was a surprise death. He walked into the hospital and a few hours later was hooked up to tubes, a few more hours and we unhooked the tubes and he was gone within 20 minutes.

A few months after his death, I had a blessing, by Scott Bowen who had been my bishop, who I babysat for, for years and who was then in the Stake Presidency. In the blessing he said that "my father is busy, but is aware of me and knows what's going on." of course after the blessing I cried in Scott's arms and said "I miss my dad!"

The next year was filled with unpredictable grieving. But now I often wonder what he would think of Jason, what he'd tell me concerning marriage, etc. I so wanted him to be there at my wedding. I was his last child to be married and he wanted to know I was taken care of. It was on his mind a lot, especially when he was sick and afraid he was going to go.

Today, Jason and I were reading Kevin Hinckley's power point gospel doctrine presentation found on www.ldsgospeldoctrine.net about Samuel being called by the Lord and him thinking it was Eli. As a teenager I had experience where I heard my name called. I thought it was my nephews down in the basement who were visiting. It was not them. It was not my parents. I kept hearing my name being called. It got to the point where I realized it was an evil voice and came from different directions. I started to cry and say "their calling my name", "their calling my name". My dad said "what name are they calling you by? The name was Becky, not Rebecca, my legal given name that I am known by on the records of the church. That night I slept next to my mom and my dad slept in my bed I was so scared. When I read the account of Samuel and Eli and the voice I remembered this story and knew my dad knew that if it was from the Lord he would call me "Rebecca", not Becky. Eli knew that as well.

A few months ago, Jason and I drove to Port Townsend/Port Angeles and the surrounding area. We stopped off at this ranger station to get maps, directions, ideas of what to do etc. There was this OLD farm, machinery equipment- just the metal rusting frame out side the place and boom - I was in tears thinking about my dad! Strange!!!! After our little day trip we went to mom's and told her where we were and she said that Grandpa Rose and his brother were home steading near there. The land was later donated to the church who then sold it as it was to small.
On July 2nd I came home from work 2 hours late and was in tears. After telling Jason the whole story I asked for a blessing and although Jason said nothing about my dad I was thinking about him and tears came. I missed my dad!

After that last experience I began to think that perhaps at those times especially when the priesthood is used is when the veil gets thin and Dad can see what is going on. We know from prophets that the Spirit World is all around us. I've had other feelings about my father protecting other family members from danger.

It will be a long life with out him, but I know that he is near and family is forever!

I miss you dad!

Preparing the way

My mom got back yesterday from my uncle's funeral. She was told by my aunt and cousins that my dad had appeared to Rodger, his twin a few times around Fathers day. He didn't say anything, but Rodger told him to go back, prepare the way for him, but that he wasn't ready to go yet. I feel peaceful and happy to hear this. It's so great to know my dad's spirit is still alive and concerned for his family.


Mom and I forgot to put flowers on his grave this fathers day. I think it was because Dad was focused on Rodger, not us. I love having a knowledge of the plan of salvation. Tonight at Family Home Evening, we were studying about Korihor, the anti-Christ. (Alma 30) Who was teaching that there was no Christ and that when a man was dead that was the end of him. If that's true then it doesn't matter how we act. The scriptures of the restoration clearly teach about the unity of the family in the next life. The Bible does as well, see Luke 16: 19-31 Although a story, you need to remember who is telling the story. It's the Savior. The message is the dead care about their family members still living in mortality. Who better to know what the next life will be like!