The First Year In Numbers

On May 14, 2011 I left Washington where I had lived a little over 20 years of my 38 years of life and drove into Idaho. 

1 float trip down the Boise River.
1 dog park in Nampa gone to lots and lots of times.
1 temporary dog park in Twin
1 car accident costing me almost 900 dollars
1 camping trip
1 trip to the Boise Zoo with family 
1 family wedding- Eric (my nephew) and Shelley in October in the Salt Lake temple.
1 pedicure 
1 16 year old Sunday School class I teach with 4 boys and 2 girls.
1 single adult Bunco game party.
1 single adult FHE group.
1  free "pattern changing" class through the Nampa Family Justice Center for women getting out of abusive relationships. Loved that class!
1 divorce support group with the Nazarene Church- not all that great.
1 trip to Rexburg Idaho- WOW has it changed!
1 LDS doctor who is also on the High Counsel in his stake with my therapist. 
1 free fake Christmas tree via a SA dinner.
1 crown and a red sash for being queen of the new year at a SA dance. (people wore jeans!)
1 roommate named Yentl in Twin.  She works nights, I work days. She's LDS and likes the dogs.  It works.
1 crown  and sash at the New Years Eve dance- my first ever.

2 towns lived in: Nampa and Twin Falls, one in a basement and the second in a duplex.
2 bishops, the first- has some things to learn, the second- awesome.
2 companies worked for- Assisting Hands (3 families) and Pro-Active Advantage (3 schools, 4 kids).
2 counselors- one a woman, not LDS, one named Jason who is awesome and LDS.
2 female friends in their 50's.  Beverly, divorced with 2 dogs in Nampa, Robyn, widowed with 1 dog  in Twin who also is in my ward and works for the same company I do. 
2 visitors from friends in Washington- Janea and her family, Donna and her extended family- both while I'm in Nampa.
2 great nieces and nephews hugged and kissed all summer long- Elli and Liam.
2 dinner invites by members of the ward- one in each. 
2 deaf neighbors in Twin.
2 high school graduations- Willy and Amber, now both at BYU-Idaho.
2 different sleep aids so I can get to sleep and don't fall asleep at work!  Both not addictive or for pain.
2 awesome friends who offered for me to come live with them and heal.  Both are married with families.  Cherelyn Linde and Angie Conlin.  Meant the world to me. 
2 visits/calls from the Sharif about my dogs from a lovely neighbor :(

3 mom sleep overs at my house to go to the temple and help me with my house and things.
3 temples- Boise (been before I moved here) Twin Falls- first time. I live 3 miles from, Rexburg, first time. 
3 testimonies born in church.
3 dog sleep overs with Sadie the Golden Retriever who came to my house at my request.
4 or 5 trips to a man made lake in Nampa area for the dogs to swim in.
4 really weird single adult dances- cow boy poetry, belly dancing and jeans at New Yeats Eve. 
5 hair cuts- 3 really bad ones :(
6 months of food stamps, 6 months and counting of food orders from the church.
A few more friends made. 
Too many to count trips to thrift and craft stores.
A hundred thousand tears cried. 

The Power of Friends

Last 2 nights in Nampa in my cute blue house with 3 bedrooms, new carpet, new kitchen appliances, new bathroom vanity and cabinet mirror. Nampa with family and friends and neighbors near by, and a dog park. Moving to Twin Falls to ugly, 2 bedroom, old kitchen appliances and cabinets, strange carpet and layout, and more rent, but a garage when it snows and a temple that is open, but no friends.

I've been crying a lot lately about this move. Being away from people and the change in houses are my NOW issues. But of course their is also the other eternal stuff. Am I a looser? Why is my life going like this? Why can't I have my righteous desires? Will I ever be with anyone else or just stay single and alone for forever. I've been telling Heavenly Father that if I still have blessings of a husband and children allotted (Alma 29)to me, if it's at all possible, even though I messed things up, can I please have them. Please. I know I'm overweight, and have ugly legs and arms and a fat stomach, but my insides are pretty good most of the time. The being alone is the worry part of my being right now.

I read this earlier today via E-mail. It feels right, so I'm sharing it.

They Teach It at Stanford :

"I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection - the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious. Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality "girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin - a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged - not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. So let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it's very good for our health."

Instead of coming home to my place of boxes, that my mom has been packing I went straight to my friend Beverley's. It's been over a week since I've seen her and we used to call or visit daily. She has 2 dogs too, and a cat. I hung out with her for 2 hours, watching Gray's Anatomy and Dr. Oz and eating apple slices and bagels with melted cheese. When I drove away I felt so good. So filled up. It was so good to hang out and be and talk about men and their diseases. When I read that little email it felt right. Right and good. And then I had an experience with it and it's true. It's really true.

Up Date on Twin

I left Twin Wed night and am back in Nampa. There is no school there today, and C didn't come to school on Tuesday. I spent Tues looking for places to live and came home bummed as nothing seemed to be working out. Places were to small, but affordable, to big and not so affordable with my get out of debt goal, or not thrilled with dogs.

But I found some more options on Wed and places to look when I get back on Sunday. This time I'm sure I'll be staying till Thursday. The company Pro-Active Advantage will be paying for this last week of my stay at the motel 6. That's a relief as I still had to pay Oct rent here! But I need to find someone else - a member of the church to stay with for free. Up date a few hours latter- I found someone! Yahoo!

Then SLC for a wedding!Then back to work with little miss run away who has NO educational IEP goals, just 2 social skill goals. We are only working on one; increasing compliance and decreasing non-compliance. When that happens we will introduce her to other kids her age and hope she will play!

More NEW

I'm totally stressed out. I've been in tears a few times today and yesterday. It's conference weekend, but right after all the sessions I have to be up to Twin Falls, to start my new job for 4 days, then drive to SLC to attend my nephews wedding, then back up to Twin, for another 4 days. During the 8 days in Twin I hope I can find a place to live that is acceptable for me and the dogs. If I do, it's down to Nampa to rent a U-Haul again, pack up and re order my life once again. I've had so many changes in the last 2 years, I'm looking for some easier times ahead.

Shoshone Falls

Just when I'm getting comfortable in Nampa I have to move. I love the place I live. It's perfect for me and for the dogs. The job- not so much- way too much dysfunction- WAY TOO MUCH. I find it impossible to not get involved. The ward- It's OK. I make my self heard in gospel doctrine and relief society. I have a friend- Beverely T. who I speak on the phone with daily and has 2 dogs like me. The Bishop finally (after his talk I'm sure with the Stake President) asked me to speak. Of course there is to much in the way to have that happen (see the above paragraph) You snooze, you loose.(The Perrine Bridge over the Snake River you have to go over to get to Twin)

I gave my resignation notice on wed the 28 over the phone, the letter on the 30, and my last day is Oct 1st. The 3rd will be my second day as I was paid on Thursday the 29th, 16 dollars an hour! Yep, if I'm working with a student age child in school with them, I make 16, If I work outside of school with anyone I make 18 an hour!
What will I be doing, you might ask. Here in Idaho it's called PSR work, which stands for Psycho-social Rehabilitation. I will be working with people with mental illnesses. By law I have 30 months to take classes and a test and then I will be have letters behind my name. CPRP. Certified Psychiatric Rehabilitation Practitioner (I think). Washington State does not use this method at all. When I ask- does this person have a case manager, a state social worker, they don't know what I'm talking about, but many states use this method.

My thoughts during the drive there for the interview were negative, but the interview went amazingly well. Then a temple session and on the way home I was feeling great about it. The next visit- a days work I was realizing how my life has seemed to almost lead up to this. Like it was a path.

1. A college education in human development
2. A practicum at USU at the Bear River Mental Health Day program.
3. A care giving job with people with disabilities and mental illnesses in Bellevue that started my "career" with the DD population.
4. A one on one position with G. at Children's Institute for Learning Differences on Mercer Island in 1999. G was violent- tried to hit me with a large stick and got naked once!
5. The last year of learning the appropriate way to handle conflict and stress maturely.

As much as I've told people I don't like Idaho (for many reasons) I will miss Nampa. I really will. It's starting to feel like home. I know the streets, I love the views of the animals I drive by all the time. It has Costoc and Winco! It has my family! It has a great dog park (which at first I thought was so lame). It has my friends (can you believe that is plural) that I will miss! Twin is just a 2 hour drive to Nampa.

But maybe this will be great! If they get me 40 hours of work, I can get out of debt in about 8 months. It will be a new start, one where I'm not in crisis mode as I was almost 5 months ago.

U-Haul Drama and Leaving A Mark

For the move to Idaho mom rented a 26 foot U-Haul for both of us and we decided to pack my house first. I live up a fairly steep hill. The truck didn't even make it. It got stuck right at the bottom. The road has 5 lanes and we completely blocked one, but a cop came by and said we were OK. Do you see that black jeep across the street. The guy got out and started taking pictures of the ordeal. I'm sure his are better than mine.

It was REALLY stuck. Mike and Mark tried a board and rocks too, to get it to go up. But no luck. Do you see the guy running across the street coming to help?

Mr. Jeep man offered to TOW us out. He said he'd done it lots, no big deal. I'm thinking that little jeep is going to pull out that HUGE truck? Well it did and look what the trailer hitch left! Bellevue will never be the same!

We are SO thankful to the jeep guy, because we had no idea what we were going to do. May many blessing fall upon his head for the rest of his life, my sister Beth said!

I had to rent my own 17 foot U-Haul.

I'm Here!

I'm here in Nampa Idaho. Things are mostly set up in my place. I've been lost quite a bit here. I've sent some resumes in for jobs. That is what I need the most. My family has been great. I've seen someone everyday so far out of help or necessity.

About 12 people-men, one teenage girl and one little primary boy helped unload the U-Haul in 1/2 hour! The bishop and elders quorum pres was in the bunch. Mike set up my bed so I had a place to lay my head and the next morning was church. I got ready to go a mid much emotion, and got turned around and finally found the church which should of taken me 5 min to get there. I was 45 min late, but caught most of the last speaker. Every one was SO nice, introducing themselves. The building is 2 stories with lots of stairs and a strange lay out! We won't be long as some re-modeling will be taking place soon. There is no elevator! The ward is large- out to the gym with chairs. Lots of babies and children but lots of older people too. The RS president came and talked to me. I got a call yesterday from someone who gave me help with finding a job. This ward should be a blessing.

The dogs are doing GREAT. The last 2 nights, Parker instigated playing, which they haven't done for months. They have a fenced in yard of wood, so Coco can't see out and bark at people or other animals. Of course Parker found where he can get out, but mike fixed that yesterday after he mowed my sad excuse for a lawn. It's nice to be able to leave them outside when I'll be gone for hours. The entry way is covered so they will have shelter in what ever weather comes. And the best of all news is they are not sleeping with me, as they did before.

My mail man is LDS. He ran into Mark and Holly on Monday when they came to help. Mark is my brother, who just turned 50. He thought that Mark was my dad! No, he's my brother and I'm heading on 40. Ok- I'll be 39 in a few months, but close enough!

The tears have lessened considerably and often I am happy, but it doesn't seem to last all day. Sadness creeps in till it's pretty obvious. But tomorrow is another day and soon I won't have a list of things to do just to survive, I won't get lost, I'll have a job and friends too!

Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life. - Ezra Taft Bensen