from my stake's blog: a post about me.

Courage.  What is it and how do we get it?  I believe we get it from doing. From going forward when you really want to give up.

My name is Becky.  I’m 42, unmarried with no children.  I was raised in a family of 7 kids where all 6 of my siblings have anywhere from 3 to 6 kids.  I have dogs instead.  Actually, yesterday (august 23rd)  I acted in courage by myself with no support and had one of my dogs put down.  He was old and very sick.  So now I’m just a one-dog dog owner.   Hard at the time, but as the days pass, it will just be a memory of a few minutes.  What is hard is keeping going on alone.

My family of origin is unique.  My parents are 17 years apart.  Mom married the first guy who kissed her at age 21.  Dad was 39.   He fasted from food for 2 weeks only drinking water to petition the Lord for a wife and family.  He got it.  I once tried fasting for 2.5 days and had dysentery!   He had five kids close together and then due to a cord wrapped around baby number 5, they quit multiplying and replenishing for 9 years until Joseph Fielding Smith said in Priesthood Session at General Conference “don’t block up the well springs of life”.  Dad was a follow the prophet kind of guy, so as I like to say came home and had a “talk” with Mom and 15 months later I was born. Dad was 55 when I was born. Not wanting me to be an only child of sorts they had my sister 18 months later.   Due to the age difference in siblings, I became an aunt at the age of 7.  By 5th grade literally ½ of my siblings were married.    I lived and breathed marriage and family.  As a youth I babysat my life away.  I had permanent jobs every Friday night for 3 years.  I was the best known babysitter in the ward.  One year I made 2 thousand dollars just babysitting. I preferred playing mom over going to Youth Dances. Family was all I wanted and all I planned for.  I figured I’d do what the rest of my siblings did- go to Ricks College, then BYU and then get married. I did go to Ricks,  I went on a mission and then to USU instead.  I did have one sister who didn’t marry till she was 32 and I watched as she cried and was lonely and had nothing like the others did.

Those 2 examples, my dad and my sister engrained in me that singleness was not desirable.  Happiness came from family life and in 1995 “The Family:  A Proclamation to the World” confirmed that.   At the age of 36 I had the opportunity to marry.  I took it even though there were improper actions and loud and clear red flags with this man.  He was not what I wanted, but I thought he could become that.  At 3 weeks of marriage I knew it wasn’t going to last and that I would eventually need to get out.  It was abusive in many ways.  I stayed for 17 months.  When my mom decided to leave the state I left with her.  In doing that I knew that I might never marry again, but instead be single and lonely.

It’s been 3 years now and I’ve been fired from four jobs (probably PSTD) and only been asked out from men who are undesirable.  If I pursued them I would be making a mistake again.  It infuriates me that there are men that find me desirable, but that do nothing for me.  The good men are taken.

So here I am in an LDS community and family where marriage and family life is it and I have not.  I’ve gone through the ringer of emotions through the last 20 years of anger, bitterness and yes at times even happiness.  I’ve traveled too, taking the opportunities when they presented themselves.  Now however I live in low income housing and travel is not feasible.  I deal with anger every day.  It’s a problem.  I’m angry at family members, at my ex and those involved in the relationship, I’m angry that girls camp in Idaho stinks compared to girls camp in Washington, I’m angry that mothers with 3 kids are still germaphobes,  I’m angry that I live in the 2nd largest LDS populated state and the single adult program in Twin Falls Idaho is only a soup kitchen for senior citizens. The list could go on.  Oh yes I’m angry!   I suppose I’m mostly angry at God for handing me this life.  I signed up for this?

At 17 I received my patriarchal blessing.  I was terrified that it would say I wouldn’t get married.  I fasted for that specifically.  It talks about a “young man coming into my life” and me being a “true mother in Israel.”    No such thing has happened.    I’ve wanted to give up.  I’ve wanted to quite going to church, to give up studying my scriptures, to stop being serviceable,(after all I have nothing and I sure wish someone would serve me!)

But I continue to do what is right.   I have a testimony.  The Book of Mormon is true and we have a living prophet on the earth.  I get up and go to church every Sunday and come home glad I did, even though I go out of duty. I teach primary,  I go to girls camp, I attend the temple, even doing sealings .  I call the last the ”slit your wrist activity’.  I can get sealed for dead people, but not myself?  Have I thought of suicide?  Sure.  But I’m chicken, I don’t have the courage for that thank goodness,  and I know it would be worse than if I stayed.  So I stay and deal with the life I wish I could give starving kids in Africa.  They would LOVE my life!

I’m happy for friends who have great families, I really am.  I tell them how blessed they are as I walk around with this feeling of emptiness and nothingness of my own life.   I’m afraid I’ll be single the rest of my 40 to 50 plus years.  I’m afraid I’ll be poor and no one will take care of me in my old age and no one but ward members will come to my funeral even though I have 26 nieces and nephews and  almost 16 great nieces and nephews.  Yes, I come from a big family, but they have their trials, challenges and woes.  Most likely I’m not even in the top 5 things to worry about.

So every week I go to church alone and sit with families and serve while most don’t know the whole me or what I went through that week.  I go to family get togethers and am happy to see people, to actually have a family for a short while.   I go to work even though I never wanted a career and it doesn’t fill my bucket.  I do everything I do, because what else am I suppose to do?  Quit?  Give up?  Not an option.  I guess that is courage.  I don’t feel courageous, but I get up and do it every day even though I just want to stay in bed.

I tell myself it could be worse and I realize that others reading this have had worse.  They have lost children or spouses to death, they have dealt with cancer or other terminal or permanent illnesses.  There is a list that is very long of things worse than being single but for me this is my Abrahamic trial.

Right now I’m praying for the anger to go away.  I’m submissive to this will Heavenly Father wants for me, but most times I’m not happy about it.

The key to courage?  Just keep on keeping on.  I hold to the iron rod to that great reward in Heaven.

• Doctrine and Covenants 128:22

…..shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad….

Almost 2 weeks later

It's been almost 2 weeks since my last  "broken" post.  I had many things happen that weekend, but I've also had other things happen the weekend after and just the past few days.

 My job in the school system is over for the year.  Today was my last day and I'm glad.  I had thought that I would get quite a bit of unemployment and could mostly take it easy this summer while I work on getting projects done and healing, but that is not to be.  I will only make 161$ a week. This will not allow me to pay all the bills I have. while I will be able to work 5 hours a week and maybe 10 hours a week, that plus unemployment will not be enough, which means I'll need to get at least a part time job.

I know I could easily go get a home caregiver job, but that will not allow me to heal from the last year.  I have a tendency to get attached to people, to do more than is required and it usually doesn't serve me well.   I've been down about having to work.  BUT, last weekend I was mostly alone and realized that the summer with out enough people contact could not be beneficial for me either.  For the first time I had thought maybe I'd need to get a part time job, just to fill the empty space.  Perhaps that was preparing me for what I would find out just days latter.

 You know that LDS pamphlet One For The Money by Elder Marvin J. Ashton (who I hugged at Ricks college years ago)?  I got one over a month ago in RS and I did what it said to do: create a debt-elimination calendar.  With out counting the bank loan that is automatically taken out of my account monthly, if I pay 250 a month on the credit cards I will be out of debt in 3.5 years.  I don't know if that is possible, but I will give it my best shot.

I put new/more duct tape on my car yesterday.  I need to keep that thing running for 3.5 years, basically running it into the ground, until I can afford a car payment.  :(

After Friday the 18th, I woke up Saturday morning wanting to go to the temple.  That is big for me.  Lately I have gone out of duty and obedience. So I was able to get on a 4pm session.  As is typical these days when the lights go down and the movie begins, I bawl.  Again a caring sister held my hand.  Oh, how I'm so thankful for that. I may have been turning my head every which way looking as if I was confused or looking for an answer. I don't know if I physically moved my head around, but mentally I was.  I was OVERWHELMED with being distraught, not knowing how I could be able to move on from this mess, how I would be able to get out of my head the intense pain of what others think of me, who didn't REALLY know what was going on. I had been going to my bishop, going to counseling, etc, but nothing seemed to help.  It was the 1 year anniversary of me leaving Washington and yes, Jason, but I honestly didn't know how this would ever not be in my heart and on my mind in 10 years even after the debt had been paid.

Finally in having no where to turn I cried out in my head to the Lord to take this from me.  And he did almost immediately.  The anger was gone and I could be at peace the rest of the session.  I was even able to open the scriptures up in the celestial room.  The phrase "broken cisterns" came to my mind as if to confirm the idea of being broken. While I could not find a scripture with cisterns  I did find this one:

Isaiah 6:1 and Luke 4:18.... he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted,....

This brought immense peace and as I messaged with another friend on FB I spoke of this verse and in trying to find it again found others. Such as Psalms 34: 18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and ^asaveth such as be ^bof a contrite spirit.   Or D&C 138:42  And ^aIsaiah, who declared by prophecy that the Redeemer was anointed to bind up the broken-hearted,......

I had spoken with my counselor about fasting for an extended period of time, telling him about my fathers 2 week fast only drinking water.  It was suggested that I just have a meaningful sincere fast of just 24 hours.  While at the temple I felt to do that.  I had not eaten lunch yet and so began my fast.  

Sunday came and the choir sang beautifully the primary song "If the Savior Stood Beside Me."  I decided that I needed to go to choir and I did that day.

I went to RS and the lesson was suppose to be on the eternity of the soul.  It started out with the sisters sharing about how the plan helps then when loosing someone to death and that thought came to my mind that what we all need to have is an eternal perspective and in thinking and saying this, I knew I had not been doing that at all.  I have been stuck in the pain and the anguish of the here and now.   As I was speaking I broke down- really broke down and a sister I didn't know left her seat and came to hug me.  As the lesson went on, I shared again about my experience in the temple and how I was feeling about those who thought I was the bad guy.  I wept again and more stories came out about divorce.  It felt like a divorce support group-what one is suppose to be like. I heard much worse stories than mine; greater debt, extreme lies, loosing children, etc.  One sister told me to get over myself.  While I understand where she is coming from my pain and anguish wasn't just about the divorce.  It's about the money, the financial strain, not being able to put food on my own table.  It's about leaving my HOME of 20 plus years and all my friends and support system.  It's about not liking my job, really needing to do something different, but HOW?  It's about the abuse I've suffered from.  It's about the less than effective SA program here.  It's about the possibility of never being married again, not having children. It's about how I've screwed up at work quite a bit.  It's not Simple. It's not. But I did go home feeling better.

Then I went to choir practice and we sang the hymn Sweet Hour of Prayer.  I wrote this in my journal: And since he bids me seek his face, Believe his word, and trust his grace, I'll cast oh him my every care, And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer.

He's asking us to seek his face.  Joseph Smith wanted us all to find out about God.  We are to cast on him our every care and wait for HIM!  I always thought it was wait for the hour of prayer. 

Then I find this on line:

What are our myths of Peter? How do the scriptures make meaning out of him?

Peter is the one who walks on water, but gets frightened and sinks (Matt 14: 28-31), the one who tries to defend the Prince of Peace by cutting off a servant's ear (John 18: 10), the one who denies Christ and bitterly weeps (Matt 26: 75), the one who has and embraces a movement-changing vision (Acts 10: 9-28),
but later gets rebuked by Paul for being afraid of revealing how far
that vision has taken his faith from his people's customs (Gal 2: 11-14).

Our myth of Peter is a one of our greatest myths of discipleship and church
leadership. It is about miraculous faith accompanied by devastating
failures in faith, about startling visions and doctrines coupled with
burdensome day-to-day business and persistent inequalities. We don't
expect Peter to do everything right, or to embody every positive
principle. Part of his myth is the ways that he falls short and fails.
(Can we see Christ's grace in Peter's stumbling?)

I think if Peter goes through stuff like this, then I guess It's normal for me too.  I guess I don't have to compare myself to Laurel, to Paige, to Aimee, to Nikki, to Sarah my sister. ( As I closed the folding walls I thought of my YW room and those years with Rachel and Linda Pope and Dawn Thompson and the thought of sitting there again and having to share my life with the Aimee, Paige, Nikki, and others- I sure as heck wouldn't.  I would want to be just like I was then, full of anger, hiding under it) My trials do not take away my worth as one of the woman said after relief society.  And that's what I've been doing. Thinking that due to my trial,( of over 20 years) I am again "less than".  Less of a person with Less worth.

I called Ruth and heard her sad story.  No longer do I judge.  Her situation is SO much worse than mine and regardless of it being some of her making, it is TERRIBLE.  I'm sure she feels more of a failure than I do, wants her life to end more than I do. I do not want her trials.

On Monday during recess I sung in my head that primary song "If The Savior Stood Beside Me" every time I felt negative thoughts about the kids. It did well until recess #3 and I took the tune and made up songs of the mean things I'd want to do with the kids. 

However I felt as if I had turned a corner.  The anger was gone for a week and much if not most of it is gone completely. 

The next Friday I missed my meds and Sat I was a mess and spent an hour writing in my journal about all those and other girls/women I grew up with and comparing my life to theirs.  That is not healthy.  Comparison is the thief of joy.

Five For Friday # 5

ONE

Parker my little Japanese chin is a runner.  He loves to get away and explore.  I have a long lead I put him on in the front yard, so he can get around, but when it's on, he does his business and comes right back in, then waits to sneak out.  It's worrisome to me.  He can get pretty far away within a short time.  Coco on the other hand stay very close to home and I never have to worry about loosing him.  I was worried about how I was going to deal with this come summer when we have the door open all the time.

Little Parker with his clothes on.  I love his little paws sticking out!

But a few weeks ago, he got out MANY times and each time I did not scold him at all, just told him he's my little baby dog, that I loved him and carried him back home.  I did this over and over again for the next few days and you know what?  He's coming back on his own ALL the time.  It's so nice not to have to worry about this  anymore and I hope it keeps up!  I wasn't even planning on this being the solution.  I just did it, not knowing why, but I think it's a lesson on the power of kindness.

 TWO

I just finished reading my second book about polygamy. Each has been a little different.




The first book, Stolen Innocence concerns Warren Jeff's group. This story starts out in the metropolitan SLC area. This story is about manipulation, control, broken families and lies.  You can find it on CD and in hard cover complete with pictures.  This poor girl was forced to marry someone who had been mean to her all growing up.  Her father, mother and brother were often taken away from the family, brought back, changed, you name it.  It's shocking.

The second book, Shattered Dreams, is even more shocking.  This starts out in Murry Utah and Irene, the writer is a 4th generation polygamist.  It starts with her childhood and her mothers misery, leaving after dad goes to prison and her falling in love with a man who is 13 years her senior.  She's only 16 and is torn between marrying him or  her 1/2 sisters husband Verlan.  She picks Verlan and becomes a second wife.  Her life is mostly spent in Mexico, in farm land, in the mountains and by the ocean and for a while in Nicaragua. She lives in extreme poverty, with no electricity, no running toilets, thrift store clothes, and 25 or more people in a very small house.  Irene ends up having a total of 14 children.  The first dies the day of her birth. She struggles her whole marriage with loneliness, jealousy and her husband making promises he never keeps.  She falls in love with another man at one point, but stays in her awful situation. 

Verlan had been a temple endowed Latter-day Saint.  He ends up becoming the president of this church his brother started.  He often works in the states, and tries to find converts as far as Canada. Verlan ends up with a total of 10 wives and 58 children.  These people believed in the Adam-God theory, the "purity" principle, which means only sex for pro-creation, and glory and own worlds in the next life.  Irene can't stand the lack of sex and finally finds a text by Parley P. Pratt (I think) for 5 reasons for sex.  The Doctrine and Covenants is quoted as well as Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball.  Irene lives having to be obedient to requests that go against what her heart is telling her is wrong and there for feels TERRIBLE about herself and so unloved.  All she wanted was love and someone to be there for her.

Once Irene leaves he becomes a Born Again Christian. After reading her story, hearing how she felt and then her experience in this kind of a congregation, I believe that God is giving her a gift to live out the rest of her life, responsibility free.  She paid a great price while being a 2nd wife and this is her break.  In the next life, she will know the truth, except it and be OK.  That is my hope for her anyway.

Why do I read this you ask?   Being single so long and in the single adult program that is 31 to dead, I've often thought if there was polygamy I would be a wife and a mother and there would be no need for the SA program. I would always say I don't need a man 100% of the time, 50% or less would be fine.  Another phrase I'd say is "I'll be wife number 2, there isn't going to be no number 3"  meaning of course, a second wife after a death or a divorce.  I was a 5th wife to Jason!

Of course I would never leave the Church for such a thing.  I KNOW it is wrong, unless commanded by God.  In reading Jacob, I believe polygamy is about children.  Abraham needed to have seed to fulfill the promise.  The Mormon Pioneers needed to have children to grow the church, the gospel.  In Jacob chapter 2 he tells the Nephities that they cannot excuse by using the scriptures (David and Salomon) to have more than one wife. The Lord tells us there, He Ok'd it for Abraham and for this purpose as described in verse 30:

For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up ^aseed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

The Lord’s law of marriage is monogamy unless he commands otherwise to help establish the House of Israel (see Encyclopedia of Mormonism Vol. 3, pp. 1091-1095).

THREE

You know my little rescue dog Polly, well her name is now Pearl.  I got an email and a picture from the family that adopted her.  The mom even knitted her a little dress.  Here she is all clean and cute. I love her and still want to hug her!  She's such a cute sweet dog, but I'm happy to know she has a good home.  I just hope they don't smoke around her! 

FOUR

This last weekend I went with my sister Cindy, her husband Mike and Amber, their youngest daughter to take her for her second semester at BYU-Idaho.  Ricks used to be my old stomping ground and really the best 2 years of my life.  I had SO much fun there, made great friends that I am still friends with today, and got myself on anti-depressants.  The college then had 4 thousand students.  The hope how is to get 15 thousand students and they are well on their way!  The place has changed so much.  My second year I lived in Harmony House, across from the Spori building.  It's now men's housing and uses our old Vikings mascot in the name.  There are TONS of housing already gone up, and more going up.  More shops, more buildings on campus, more changes.  It's crazy!  They have a conference center called the Idaho-Center, or I-center.  It will hold all 15K students when they get them.  The conference center in SLC hold 21K.  They recently had a fire there (the one in SL) and I couldn't help but think that it would be OK if that burned down, because we have a plan B!

I also went to the temple there.  On the outside it looks like the Twin Falls temple, but it's much bigger and I have to admit I like not having to make an appointment!  The chandelier are amazing, covering the whole mechanism with those crystals  so you see rainbow colors when you look in it. I took some pictures of the temple and the conference center and some of the campus, that will be coming up soon!  Mean while you can go here to see the campus. It's beautiful!

FIVE 

I think recess is the hardest part of the day for me and there are 3 of them, totaling 45 to 60 min of the day.  Greg is usually fine playing by himself so I have a lot of down time unless the kids are coming up to me with problems.  Today I realized that all my thinking is negative.  I think negative about the kids, about Jason, other involved in that mess and even my childhood, and adult years in the past.  My life has been a disappointment to me.  I feel like a failure.  The sad part is, that in my realization (I suppose a step in the direction of healing) I don't know what to think about. Isn't that sad?  I cried about it.  I tried to think about things I could think about, but I really don't know anything that takes up enough of my life or time that would fill those minutes.

It also shows me how terrible this whole ordeal (mainly the marriage and moves) has been for me.  In my pattern changing class the teacher said she had worked with abused women who didn't even know what their favorite color was and other such simple things.  Any ideas of what I should think about?

Future posts about Castleford and BYUI coming soon!

I AM FROM ( a poem and pictures)

After reading this blog post, I had to write one too!

Where I’m From

I am from a quilt making, sewing mom and a bee

Keeping, welding dad, and mismatched furniture.

I am from a big blue van traveling to Utah

to see extended family every year.

I am from hard working, gardening,

house painting, tree felling, home fixing doers, not payers.

Becky and Sarah 1980, I was almost 8.

I am from Minnesota snows, frozen Lake Excellesior

and wearing long johns under my dress, with boots.

driving a half hour or more to church.  

I am from hot summers and geese poop lawns,
mosquitoes bites and bats inside. 

I am a dog lover, the first three, all black named

Tinta, (German for black ink) Wang Ho(Chinese for Yellow River) 

and Beaker (from my silliness.) 

I am from older siblings, temple marriages

and lots of babies, becoming an aunt at age 7.

I am from a Ricks College first family,

then BYU, (expect for me who went to USU)

I am from German songs and family history

stories, Book of Mormon reading, and full tithe payers. 

I am from Seattle Temple ordinance and office workers,

family putting church first above all else.  

Never missing days of early morning seminary,

mutual activities, and girls camp. 

All of us in 1977. I was 5.

I am from Great Depression and WWII Army

frugal parenting, not wasting food or rusted nails

or thousands of old keys and making cookies instead of buying. 

I am from the clean plate club, eating everything that was served, 

including oatmeal every Thursday morning, blueberry pies and jello.

I am from service giving mom and scripture reading dad,

Public schools, average grades, but lots of personal reading.

I am from thumb sucking, depression, insecurities,

babysitting my life away, fearing men and boys. 

I am not silly Sarah, but funny Becky. 

From the picture above:
Mark #4, Ruth #2, Cindy #5, Karl #3
Mom, Sarah #7, Dad, me #6, Beth #1

Counseling Again

I'm going to counseling again.  Yesterday was my first visit with Jason (ironic-no?).  He's been practicing for 18 years, is LDS and has lived in Olympia Washington, so he feels my pain with the whole Idaho is pathetic thing.

I've been to counseling a lot.

I went twice at Ricks with a different counselor each time, each year.  I'm a firm believer that everyone in college should  take advantage of the free counseling if they need to.  Everyone has 'ghosts' 

I even went on my mission a few times.

Then USU, I went to a group session which was good and saw a few other counselors too for a short while.

I went to this volunteer retired so called counselor through LDS Social Services while in CA.  He'd fall asleep and really didn't help at all.  Jason told me the 'counselors' at the above mentioned place are social workers, not counselors.  There is a difference!

I went a few times while living in WA twice to different counselors.  I wish I would of gone to more, especially when after the whole Eric V episode.  It took me a year and a half to get that out of my system.  The first year I'd go over and over it in my head daily and multiple times.   The last six months It was more random, not every day.  I wondered last night how my life would of been different had I found professional help.  Maybe I would of been told that Prozac only works 10 years, not 17 and the next few years would of been completely different.  Maybe I wouldn't of made the same mistakes I made ten years later.

While I was married I saw 2 different counselors specifically for me.  Another male counselor was there for Jason too and I came with.  Jason met with all of the women  that I met with at least once.  However counseling with him didn't work.

Then a saw a woman through the Nampa Family Justice Center.  She wasn't LDS and had all these false ideas about Mormon men being controlling. (Huge EYE ROLL)  She wasn't very nurturing.
I even went to a "pattern changing" class that was helpful with other women in unhealthy relationships.

I'm glad to be seeing Jason.  I believe I've got the right person.  He's going to help me 'reclaim my life'.  He gave me the straight talk I needed.

Happy New Year 2012

I decided to keep the name of my blog.  I thought for a moment today to change it to something totally different than the options I gave because it was a new year and hopefully a new day for me, but.... For now its sticks.

In accordance with my posts about allternatives to new years resolutions, here is what I've decided to do:

Miracles: 

A.  a temple marriage for me

B.  A family (babies) 

C.  My nephews and niece who have lost their way to gain a testimony if lost and reorder their life in accordance to gospel truth.  AKA:  get their butts to church! 

D.  Get out of debt completely!

I remind the reader and myself that these are suppose to be miracles- the impossible!

A Word:  "Seek"

A Phrase: If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, I seek after these things.

2011 Accomplishments: 

obtained a job within 2 weeks of moving to Nampa Idaho

obtained a much higher paying job in Twin Falls after looking for months

Made friends with neighbors in Nampa

Took a family to church and helped them learn about the gospel and even did a little marriage counseling 

Added a temple to my list of one visited and done work in

Went to a 'Pattern Changing" class and learned about boundaries and rights

Shopped at a lot of thrift stores 

Kept my dogs Parker and Coco

Started reading The Book of Mormon again

Continue to maintain long distance friendships 

Continue to offer help to others via knowledge and random acts of kindness as they come up.
Participated in The Book of Mormon Forum

Maybe it doesn't sound so unique or special, but it is what it is and who knows maybe to the Lord some of them were great things and I'll see that in the next life.

Thank you to all my friends and family who so lovingly helped me with emotional support and money over the last 8 months.  I couldn't of done it with out you! 

The tragedy of life doesn't lie 

in not reaching your goal.  

The tragedy lies in having 

no goal to reach. 

-Benjamin Mays  

“The Book of Mormon is the best guide to learn how well we are doing and how to do better. . . . The doctrine and the valiant examples in that book will lift, guide, and embolden you.  . 

- Henry B. Eyring

Crossing Paths and Heavenly Fathers Hand

At Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho) There was this girl in my dorm named Rebecca. I knew who she was, but we never spoke. Fast forward about 8 years and there she is in Kirkland WA at a party I was at. We became fast friends and went on near and far trips together.

My second year at Ricks there was Julie. She now lives down the street from my sister Sarah and they both have 5 kids the same age. I get to see her when I come visit too.

I can think of many times when visiting family I have run into people I knew from Ricks and Utah State and some of them have been able to come and visit me here in Seattle.

Then at Utah State there was Christy. We lived in the round house together for a year. She came with me to Reno NV to interview for a job that I ended up getting. Fast forward 10 plus years and she moves to Kirkland WA with her family. So far we have visited once a year. We need to visit more.

Then there is Amy in CA. That first Sunday in my young single ward where I moved for my new job, Amy invited me over to her house for dinner. I met her mom. She left on a mission and I wrote her. Fast forward and she gets married and moves to WA. She has lived in 3 different cities here, but twice now we have been in the same stake. Her mom even asks about me when she visits.

Amazing how paths cross. But also amazing how friends and blessings happen.

Take for instance my 11 month stint in northern CA. My tin man first car broke down in Placerville CA on the freeway. Who stopped by, but a nice man who had that celestial smile under his white shirt. He was LDS. I stayed for a few days at his house with his family until I got a new used car. Then latter in the year, I needed cheaper rent, so I moved into their garage for a few months. A blessing! I knew from that, that Heavenly Father was involved in my life and taking care of me. My dad flew in one weekend for support through a hard time and he was able to stay at their house too.

Also in CA, I met a friend named Julie. While we were friends for only a few sort months, I flew all the way to Washington DC for her wedding. We have continued to stay in touch over the years- it's been over a decade- through letters, phone calls and emails. She has been a great help with life challenges.

I also met Jason who even when he was first married was a support to me.

Crazy that such a short time in CA brought so many friends!

I've seen it here too. Casual friends with Cheryl in the Bellevue 8th ward led to a job working for Carly and her 3 autistic boys which led to working for Special Care Agency for 2 plus years. Carly made the cheese cakes for my wedding. During a hiatus from that agency I had lots of different jobs that kept the money flowing. Then I had a plan that I blogged about and with in 45 minutes it all fell through. I didn't know what to do. I went to LDS employment, then a few days latter the temple, where I ran into a Sunday School teacher who felt inspired to tell me that I should call LDS employment. I had received a call from there earlier that day and needed to call back. I did and just a half hour before a woman who had gone to my high school and we both grew up in the same stake had called needing someone who had my skills. I worked for over a year for Amy and her family. She took the pictures for my wedding and found me a place for the wedding and reception that was affordable.

I can think of many times while visiting family in Utah or other states that I have run into people I have known during college days or my mission. I have many other friends who I value and visit when ever possible because they add so much to my life. The LDS world is small and for that I'm thankful.

Then there is Emma. I prayed for her. I lived in this small town that was 84% Hispanic. I was a minority and had a teaching job I didn't apply for. I hated it and was pretty lonely. We became fast friends. Again another short 11 months of a handful of friends in the ward and Donna. Amazing!

I would be reminisce if I didn't mention Janea. Friends in HS, went to Ricks at the same time, I visited her at USU before her mission. I went to school there and when she came back we lived together. Now we are both in WA again. She has gotten me through some hard times.

This post was suppose to be about just 2 or 3 people, but look what happened when I started to remember. I am so thankful for all of them and it's so nice to know they are there when I need them.

Friends and blessings came when I needed them. Thank you Heavenly Father.