6 Desires

The Sunday school lesson I taught today to the 16 year olds was on 3 Nephi 17-19.   I used a teaching idea the manuel suggests of having the kids write down 6 desires and then share with them what the Nephities desired.  What they desired was the Holy Ghost.  After we read and I taught about this, I then asked them to cross off any desire that was not spiritual. 

None of the kids crossed off anything.  One young man asked a question asked about his desire for a good job.  I shared with him one of mine about getting out of debt and how that is spiritual to me because I'm in bondage.  Having a good job is a spiritual goal because he will be able to take care of his family.

Since I haven't shared anything spiritual in a while I thought I'd share what I wrote down.  Here are my desires. 

1. Financial worries gone
2. A temple marriage to a righteous husband.
3. Children
4. Anger completely gone, never to return.
5. knowledge about how to do my job better
6. Sarcasm and bitterness gone.

As I walked out of church I thought of another one I should of put down, but wasn't thinking of. 

7. Being able to forgive Jason.

Another thought came to me as I was preparing this.  Maybe the anger, bitterness, sarcasm would be gone once I had forgiven Jason.  Another thought came too.  However I am not just angry about Jason, but other people and situations as well.  I know that number 4 and 6 are biggies in my life right now.  I am sarcastic, angry and bitter A LOT of the time. But if I could forgive Jason I would need to assume my anger towards him would be gone. 

I'm trying to read a book my niece recommended that really helped her.  It's called Love is Letting Go of Fear.   This book says that the only goal we should have is peace of mind.  The book also states that forgiveness is our single function and the way to achieve peace of mine.

I didn't think I was going here, but I guess thinking through things is like therapy, which is why many counselors tell their clients to journal.

Not sure how to do all that, but I know I need to do it.  I'll ask my counselor and I'll turn to Heavenly Father and maybe the bishop.  There is SO MUCH under all of #4 and 6 that go WAY back that still plague me today. 

Oh.  The big message umbrella message that came to me while I was teaching today and shared with the kids was the Jesus knows and loves us all personally.  Ya, even in all our weaknesses and infirmities.  That's what I told then, but do I believe it enough to not make me hate myself enough to love and forgive others.  Enough to stand by myself and still feel my worth and value as an individual.  For decades now I've felt that I will never be completely healed of my infirmities until I am in the arms of my Savior.  Exactly what happened to the Nephities.

Wow- look at the way that all came around as I sat here and cried and thought my way through so many things.